The Free Dictionary  
mailing list For webmasters
Welcome Guest Forum Search | Active Topics | Members

Profile: Paul Watson 3
User Name: Paul Watson 3
Forum Rank: Newbie
Gender: None Specified
Joined: Wednesday, April 10, 2019
Last Visit: Tuesday, June 11, 2019 8:46:12 PM
Number of Posts: 14
[0.00% of all post / 0.03 posts per day]
  Last 10 Posts
Topic: depression
Posted: Tuesday, June 11, 2019 8:44:36 PM
Hi Alexander ..

I also suffer from depression. I found that no matter what drugs I tried ( Talking ones from the psychologist ) , I would feel terrible on them , so I decided to try out different techniques to help me..

Ok , now just hang in there with me , I started writing .

I allowed myself to get depressed , but i also made sure i didnt go down for more than 2 days . and I always made sure that I had to bring something back from the dark part. By this i mean I would bring back a photo or a story.

I started writing down how I felt , and this was great as I could them reread those thoughts and feelings and make sense of them. Those abstract emotions and thoughts were not able to fester and get worse in my head , I could see them on paper now..

I also started writing poems , short stories , and fun or interesting things that happened to me during my dark spots. I would also create photos of how i felt ,

This all helps me loads ..

This is one of my First poems I wrote , I am sure you can relate. Please message me if you would like to chat further I would be happy to show you some of my works and helping others is helping ones self

Black Dog

Fur like Velvet , Midnight temptation
Slathering jaws with no hope of salvation
Black dog , come and rip out my throat
Let this be the last thing I wrote.

Black dog , with eyes like fire
Your lolling tongue imitates desire
Spittle and froth and lather and bile
Brittle and harsh like a cold winters smile

Black dog here take me , take my soul
Rip it apart like a root eating mole
I can feel your beady greedy eye pits
Devouring my confidence my creativity and my wits.

Black dog.. No mercy.. No remorse.. No care
Bringing me down like a soft innocent deer.

Black dog….

By Paul Watson
Topic: On the life of penguins
Posted: Saturday, May 18, 2019 3:14:33 AM
towan52 wrote:
How do giraffes and albatrosses (albatri?) even get to meet?

Albatros return to the island of their birth almost every year after wondering huge distances on the wing. One small island 5000 Albatrosses, Hey Presto, you have a girlfriend, so you clack your beaks together, you whistle and hoot, you get some tail over, she starts dropping eggs those eggs turn into Freakishly hungry things , so they take turns flying around to get food to feed the assessable appetites of this miniature what consumes masses of fish like a fishing trawler ? I know, another Fishing Trawler. So the feed the chicks then... The chick dies its swallowed plastic.

Us Humans are really not cool... If we are not stealing these birds down feather in their nests or polluting their oceANS WITH CHEMICALS AND WASTE, WE designed something that can never be destroyed, it just gets smaller and smaller. Their lives were so difficult and full of huge feats of monolithic like problems that they survived, and then little johnnies sucker paper chokes this magnificent bird like some silent killer.
Topic: On the life of penguins
Posted: Saturday, May 18, 2019 3:04:03 AM
Previous scientists and Biologists in the past would conveniently overlook Homosexuality in animals, birds and reptiles.

Because as science will let you know, that you can ignore something for so long and no matter how hard you try, that something won't disappear.

It is now been reported that Multiple detailed sightings of Canadian Geese have Homosexual pairs that pair for life. The pair have even taken up to raising their own goslings. And how many you ask? Will Mrs Goose and Mrs Goose would attract a Male goose, get humped and then they would both chase him off Aand almost kill the poor guy once he has made his donation.

The Mr and Mr Goose couple were reported to have a little more complications, they would shanghai a Lady goose, Do the dirty and then both would keep her under surveillance and constant guard until she laid her eggs. They would take turns feeding her, and once those eggs were laid, the would chase her away. And Mr and Mr Goose would bring up the chicks, just like any other goose.

Cats, Rats, Mice, Lemmings, Antelope, Lions, Cheetas, Troglodytes, Chimps even some insects, snakes, many creatures on this planet some time have homosexual couples that if Homosexuality was a trait that was a dead end in any creatures evolution, it would have stopped at the first couples death.

But if you ask me, Gay people should be put on the endangered species list, gay folk don't breed, and when they try they kill each other.

PS> I am Gay, so I kinda have the inside scoop on this one. And if being a homosexual is so wrong and Heterosexual is the only way, why don't they say Homosapien ... It's Homosapien
Topic: cardiac arrest
Posted: Saturday, May 18, 2019 2:43:50 AM
From what I know about what we call Rats with good PR, is those tiny little heartbeats from 110 - 130 beats per min for a "relaxed ", chilled squirrel.

The when in Fright the heart can jump up to 420 Beats per Min...

Now one has to take into account that Squirrels hibernate, this fluctuation in heart rates does put tremendous strain on their little hearts.

So a heart attack is more than possible and can sometimes be very common in squirrel city.

I also have this little thing I like to tell people. It has no basis to the truth and no scientific study except me sort of noticing and also realizing I might have a theory that might be true... well sorta

A person who has a heart attack dies from a broken heart, so your little hearted squirrel with a massive heart could only take so much love and give out his to those in need. He could do it for only so long and then "snap" ..
Topic: Do You know About Harmful affects of Marijuana?(24)
Posted: Tuesday, May 14, 2019 12:32:21 PM
Here in South Africa, it is now Legal to smoke ..

There are rules and regulations that come with the newly passed judgement ( That was passed at the High Court, much to my merriment)

Smoke it in and at your home, not in public, no more than personal use, and not a whole plantation...

The way I see it is up to the individual, one should be able to make your own informed decisions, sure if your not an adult, then just like drinking, one needs to be over a certain age before partaking.

When something is illegal, and everyone is jumping up and down about it, it's going to seem way more enticing to some people. When it's not illegal, it also allows for rational debate and scientific studies to be carried out without constant bias.

If I had young adults as kids, and they wanted to Smoke Dope or drink booze... I would want them to rather smoke dope... But I would educate them about the good and the bad side, I would also respect their choice.

I smoked dope for a while, I never liked the way it started to take away tomorrow, I started living in the present... Not a bad thing for some people. But my usual lightning-quick thinking and reactions became rather thoughtful and inward, yet some of my ideas and the way I could put two very obscure things together was amazing. I can still sometimes place a face from a youtube video and 4 years later watch another CNN video and put the two together.
Topic: The Death of HIV
Posted: Wednesday, May 8, 2019 6:44:02 AM
A few weeks ago there was a small gathering of some of my gay friends and other guys who i had not met. It was a pretty diverse group. Ages from 30 . Oldest was 60. 3 diferent racial types and an assortment of body types. We had one thing in comon ,we were all male and openly gay. What i found very intresting was how the conversation included HIv . Prep and help at the clinic. One must understand that 5 years ago . Ot was almost taboo to discuss such topics. We all ignored that elephant in the room yet here we were discussing how to get Prep . Std treatment and sexual health. This is so progresive . So brilliant i cannot explain it to you. 10 years ago to be HIv positive was to be an outcast . Today its been dismantled , understood, and delt withh
Topic: The Death of HIV
Posted: Saturday, May 4, 2019 8:22:47 PM
I am going to strongly disagree with you... How can you say that I must avoid HIV guys, no ways ...

One of the things I have learnt is that guys who are HIV Poz and on Meds are the safest guys to be with, When their viral load is low due to the meds, they can not pass on the virus.

Now you must understand how many of these guys feel. The meds are not like the old days that made them ill, but if they stop their meds they feel it straight away.

Now go onto the scene. I would way rather choose a partner who is HIV poz undetectable because these guys are brutal with their honesty, they have nothing to hide...

It's the guys who were like me, the negative guys, they either do not know that they have the virus, and pass it on, or lie...

The other thing is undetectable guys tend to group together, it's like a club, I found that I would have about 7 or 9 friends, and we would all look out for each other and help each other, once a month we would meet and have fun, and a catch-up.

If I think about it now, I just don't sleep with negative guys if I can help it, I avoid them, Guys who are on Meds, I know are going for regular check-ups, and if they want Meds from the clinic, they get screened. Neg on prep guys as well. If I want to remain on Prep, I get retested and scanned for all STDs.

So Prep, it's making the community so much safer. Men naturally will not go to a doctor for a little bump or sore, their junk usually has to be falling off and then they go to the doctor. So now, been on Meds, means you get checked up, you are aware of STDs and HIV and you are actively doing something about it...

Ohh BTW Condoms are not 100 % effective either .. THAT is the reason why Prep is at 95 %, because of Condoms...

Look its a personal choice, I don't plan to have a baby, soi am not going to use condoms. I hardly sleep with neg guys, so it's not like I can infect them .. Serosorting ..Give me men who are on meds any day. And yes, sometimes, they need someone like me to ask after them and check up on how their meds are going, because sure as heck, no one else is going to.

Prep is way better than a Condom, A condom and Prep is way better than just Prep, Wearing a Hazmat Suit, a Condom and taking Prep and having bad breath, now that is the best safe sex...

There is no way I will avoid an HIV guy, I did that for so long, and I think I owe it to them, not to sleep with them, but be compassionate and understanding about their HIV.

HIV is a part of them
It's not some abstract thing, its something that they deal with every day of their lives

Topic: The Death of HIV
Posted: Saturday, May 4, 2019 3:00:24 PM
I am not sure if many have been following the HIV saga.

A new and improved Drug called Prep ( Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) has been tried and tested on hundreds and thousands of Gay men to stop the transmission of the HIV virus.
I am one of those men.
The HIV issue is very sticky, and contentious. Let you just give you my whole encounter with HIV.
I was 18 when I "came out the closet", I had 3 or four longish term boyfriends and then between them, I was young and totally wild. Yes, it was drummed into us, Wear a Condom, wear a condom or die. And if you got HIV you were dead.
This was so bad, that people like me and many others would create a mental block If I don't think it exists, it doesn't
Ignorance was bliss.

I am no saint, I don't aspire to be, but I will not lie and try and hide the amounts of partners I had. By the age of 43, I could easily and very cautiously say I had around 450 - 500 Partners. And the scary thing was, I did not always use a condom.
At the age of 43, a series of events happened to me, and I was forced to learn, get tested and confront my fear for HIV.
I had forged a relationship with a man and were very wild. On our third encounter, I remember him telling me he was HIV Positive.

We had barebacked, and not been safe in any stretch of the imagination. I was devastated. I was furious. I raged at him, and he said, I thought you were Poz, and since when is it only his responsibility to divulge one's status, it takes two to Tango.

I realized I could not be angry, hadn't I done what he had just done, but I had done it for almost 20 years, I had so scared of HIV that I would not even think about asking a play partner.

My HIV enforcer could have just walked away, but he stood his ground and said, Ok, let's go to the clinic, let's get you tested, and let's take it from there.

So he told me about his HIV , his what he liked to call evolving, he had been HIV for almost 18 years, He was one of the first. He explained to me that he was on Meds and theoretically he should not be able to pass on the virus.

I had to first be an adult, and I remember the Married ( To a woman ) i had been with a few days before. I had to meet this man, and explain to him, that I had been compromised, and so he had also get looked at. I was expected scorn and hatred. But this man, he just hugged me and said. "It's all right, you did the right thing by telling me, I cannot be angry with you as it was also his responsibility to demand protection.

So a day later I went to the clinic and got tested. I had to have caught the bug, there was no way, I could not of. And the nurse said " Negative".

I was like " WHAAAT ?"

Let's do another one, and so we did .. again a negative...

I was in shock, this wasn't how I imagined things .. this was messed up.

When you have decades of people, TV, newspapers telling you that get HIV if you don't use a condom, I honestly think I believed that.

I sat at my desk at work, shell shocked. My Boss noticed my distressed and called me into his office. , I tried to explain things to him, and he sat there quietly, without expression, no emotion.

He asked me if I was finished, I nodded guilty and he said "good"

He opened his drawer and pulled out a number of STD Rapid blood testers.

And so I sat there, blinking, scared all over again, blood dripping off my finger and Syphilis, Gonareah and HIV Kits all just there in front of me.


And so my journey began. I went to the clinic and explained things as best I could, I told them how many men I had been with, they never blinked an eye , and said, OK we are going to Get you on PREP.

So I had another battery of Tests, I had to wait a week, and come get my PILLS if I had my Hepatitis blood sample come back negative.
I was asked to refrain from sex for a week.
It was a very long week.
I went back to the clinic and was told about the Pills, what side effects could happen and I need to take some responsibility for my life, it was said in a caring way.
Truvada, or the Generic, whatever, just one pill a day, and it stopped HIV
So I took my pill and almost ran out the door. The nurse held me back and said .." Umm It takes 7 days to build up in your system"
So I had to refrain from sex for another 7 days
It was an even longer week.

I had dodged a bullet, I don't know how, but good damn. So when I saw my playmate who forced me down this path, I excitedly told him about my status and my pills and how I was educating myself. And then I saw it... I saw him flinch. I was been cruel, I was waving my negative status in his face. I shut up. And after a long silence, I asked him, how do I navigate this whole thing, I need his help, his guidance, I needed to learn that people did not talk about HIV, they did not divulge their status to just anyone. This was a minefield.

That night, my HIV alien friend, he asked me if I had faith, Faith in science. I was a bit taken back .. Umm yes .. definitely

He said good, tonight we put your faith to the test, tonight we will have sex, no condoms, and let's see if you believe.

I was terrified all over again, I could not pull away from him, I had to have faith in science, in what they told me. , I lay there awake listening to the chirping birds welcome in the first light, and I wondered if my faith was strong enough.

I got tested the next few hours, That evening, I took another test. I tested myself about 8 times that week.

All the tests were negative.

I have never learnt so much about how fragile men's emotions are, how stigma and fear and repugnance manipulated people into becoming almost the very things that they hate.

On a local Gay Dating website, My name was mentioned by a guy who I had sex with a few weeks earlier. He warned people to watch out for me as I gave him HIV. Ummm, yea, I laughed when I read this, I guess this was my penance for been so irresponsible.
I traced him down, and softly and without any anger or resentment, I explained to him I was HIV negative , and that I will gladly help him get tested and I will support him whatever the outcome is. He said he would think about it. The message disappeared off the Bulletin board and I never saw or heard from him again.

In the months that followed, I was invited by my friend to attend a group sex party. It was strictly by invite only, I had to obey certain rules, and protocols. It wasn't a free for all, but what would turn out to be one of the most amazing encounters of my life. I had to learn a whole new type of language, If I didn't like someone that was into me, one had a way to politely turn this person advances and not be rude.
There were rules about been clean, bad breath, and one my first night, halfway through the party, I was asked about my status. I said "Negative " Proudly ..
There was a silence and this guy said " I think you had better leave"
Umm, what?
He told me, this is an HIV positive party ONLY, we all are on meds, we know and help and support each other with our little "gifts" , we have these parties were we know the risks to each other .. BUT now you come in .. You are Negative and we have to be careful around you..

No, he said, you have not, and you cannot know the resentment, the anger and the hate we have all had to deal with, I needed to leave.

I can only be so nice in one night, and then I dig my heels in, I explained to this guy ... I am on Prep , I am confident enough in this pill to know that I will not get HIV from any of you. Sure I could get an std, but one can cure those STD , HIV you cant.

I know the risks, I might be the first PREP guy, but I bet I won't be the last.

That night I lay with this man, he was almost terrified to touch me, he was so scared of infecting me. I lay there, and I asked him questions, I explained how it was for me , and my emotions and feelings. I explained that I think that this is the start of the change. How we needed to talk about STDS, about HIV, and Meds, ask Status, and not push people away, negative or positive. This was how we were going to not only protect ourselves but not hide in the shadows.

I am 45 years old. I help out at certain parties, I help keep this running smoothly and keep and eye on things. I hardly participate any more, but I cannot explain to all those people out there who want to judge and condemn these lost souls. These guys know what they are doing, they know the risks, and there is only this night where they can and will let all those fears and pretences go. They will drop their social masks, their self-loathing, the embarrassment of their bodies, they will throw away their classism and condemnation over those that they were taught to dislike. They will let go, for one night, and deal with the consequences later. Now that is freedom.

So, ladies and Gentleman, I want to thank you for reading this chapter of my life. I know its difficult, its so hard not to judge and be righteous and proud. I do not ask you to accept these ways as your own or to promote them. I ask, for respect, for empathy and understanding.
I strongly believe we would have had way fewer problems with HIV if we all talked about it, and tried to understand and had empathy.
SO don't drive away your sons and daughters with fear, do not think that you are the only one who is right, and everyone else is wrong.
I ask you to learn , you listen, you feel, and don't judge. Love .. that's all it should have taken, Love.. but instead, we go 20 years of terrifying fear...

Story by Paul Watson

Topic: Phobia List
Posted: Monday, April 29, 2019 7:23:50 PM
Sobrephobia - The fear of being so non-plastered that words and reality make perfect sense, one starts to see stop signs while driving and become non-combative.
Topic: Short Powerful Stories
Posted: Monday, April 29, 2019 7:19:14 PM
Drag0nspeaker wrote:
Well I think it was terrible! (You said you had a special kind of masochism, so . . . Whistle Whistle )

I quite liked it actually. I'm definitely not a 'short-story' person.
I LIKE twenty-volume stories - maybe split into five-novel "episodes". So I'm not the best person to critique this.

In reading through it at first, what I noticed was the punctuation - particularly the small "i" and the spaces around commas.

The story (and the 'punch line') were good - appealed to me.

thank you very much, I do appreciate you taking the time to comment.

In my 20 odd years of been computer literate and a very fast typist, I almost type as fast as I can say the words, I was going to say think the words, but I am already plotting something for the irritating lady at work, and wondering about the weather...

Its some very bad habits I have picked up, I have started using the Grammarly application, so far I actually like how I improve my grammar and spelling on the fly and also placements of commas and full stops.

While on about machoism is there a place that I can subject a captured audience to my poetry?