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Profile: Anite
User Name: Anite
Forum Rank: Newbie
Gender: Female
Joined: Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Last Visit: Thursday, August 25, 2016 8:11:44 AM
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Topic: Traduzione di alcuni versi di una poesia in Inglese
Posted: Wednesday, August 24, 2016 11:24:40 AM
It's about a poem of mine, could you suggest me a better translation for the following lines?

ma si fermano alla prima atmosfera
o su un filo di corrente
ad osservare le cadute del mondo.

I poeti se ne vanno imperterriti
tra folle di pensieri- in fila come soldati
che non sanno dire ‘signor sì’
non hanno generali – i poeti sono disubbidienti
nati con catene spezzate
liberi come rondini che migrano
quando il sole nasconde la luce-

I poeti a volte son cretini e non lo sanno
accarezzano la gloria
come fosse belva mansueta.

My attempt:

yet they stop on the first atmosphere
or in the current wire
looking to the world downfalls.

Poets go undeterred
among crowds of thoughts
lined up like soldiers - that never say: 'Yes, sir'
they don't like generals.

Poets are disobedient
born with broken chains
free like migrants swallows
when sun hides the light.

Poets sometimes are stupid (cretini)
and they don't know
they caress glory
as if it was a docile beast..