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FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Monday, August 10, 2020 2:30:44 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door toclarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,"I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill mybathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young andbeautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/tag/blonde-jokes/
Hope123
Posted: Sunday, August 16, 2020 8:44:06 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 9,705
Neurons: 55,556
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Wednesday, August 19, 2020 5:53:06 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,786
Neurons: 98,120
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Hope123 wrote:


Applause Angel Angel Angel
Hope123
Posted: Thursday, August 20, 2020 11:06:11 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 9,705
Neurons: 55,556
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
Glad you liked it, Articulate. My husband loved it and so did our neighbour who is a husband. He said, “We can't win”. :)

DECIDING WHO TO MARRY:

(written by kids) Kids say the darnedest things.

1 . You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

2 . WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

3 . HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

4 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

5 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure?)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

6 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7 (Love her)

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. -- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

7 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is.......

9 HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 9





FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, August 21, 2020 10:59:53 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
Going Swimming

While visiting a water show a tourist asked one of the divers, "Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boats?
To which the diver replied, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, August 21, 2020 11:02:11 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
Travel In The Far East

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.
Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.
Mrs. Mueller is first.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows.
Next it is Mueller's mother-in-law's turn.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through the pillows.
Then comes Mueller himself.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?"
"Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for you, as long as they are reasonable."
"I would like 100 lashes instead of 50."
The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, "Yes, that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?"
"I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."


Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, August 21, 2020 11:09:19 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
Chinese laundry

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"

So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say, Sem Ting."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Monday, August 31, 2020 3:37:15 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
ClaraZ
Posted: Monday, September 14, 2020 4:38:09 AM

Rank: Newbie

Joined: 8/24/2020
Posts: 11
Neurons: 10,373
Location: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
FROSTY X RIME wrote:
Chinese laundry

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"

So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say, Sem Ting."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/


Ok 👌
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Sunday, September 20, 2020 5:03:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
1. Yo mama so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already worldwide.

2. Yo mama so dumb, she tried to surf the microwave.

3. Beer Bottle: You break me , you get 1 year of bad luck.
Mirror: Your kidding me? You break me, then you'll get 7 years bad luck.
Condom: Hahah..(Condom walks off laughing)

4. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

5. Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesus is watching you."
In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside.
The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesus is watching me?"
The parrot replied, "Yes."
Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?"
The parrot said, "Clarence."
The burglar said, "That is a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesus."
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Monday, September 21, 2020 10:59:03 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.
The lion starts chasing the two men.
They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord."
He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees.
Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion.
As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer:
"Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/animal-jokes/2
Hope123
Posted: Thursday, October 8, 2020 11:19:53 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 9,705
Neurons: 55,556
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
One liners -

An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at
either.

I didn't think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand
corrected..

I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and the entry was
half price. She called me a cheap skate.

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case
of in one ear and out the udder.

I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge
of the hops.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing
someone on the side.

My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met. I’m not buying it.

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow
only has 16. The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own
incision? Suture self.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2020 12:34:32 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 34,574
Neurons: 230,526
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
^^^^^^^^^^^^ they're terrible! I almost laughed! ^^^^^^^^
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Thursday, October 29, 2020 2:17:55 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
Having a Beer
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man then leaves.

On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?"

The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times."

The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He takes a drink from one... sets it down. Takes a drink from the second beer... sets it down, and repeats this process until the two beers are gone. This goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. The next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires, "I don't mean to be nosy, but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away or something?"

The man says, "Oh, no, nothing like that. It's just that my wife said that I couldn't go to the bar and drink anymore... but she didn't say anything about my brothers."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, November 6, 2020 9:35:47 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461
There's a brunette, red-head, and a blonde all on death row.
The day before their execution they are each delivered a message from the judge stating:
"Since you have been on good behavior I will allow you to choose how you will die -- lethal injection or electric chair."
The brunette went first.
She chose the electric chair, and it malfunctioned so she was set free.
The red head saw this and picked the electric chair too. It malfunctioned again and she was let free.
Then it was the blonde's turn and when asked what she chose she said, "Lethal injection because the electric chair is broken!"


Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/tag/blonde-jokes/
Schlook Inside
Posted: Sunday, November 8, 2020 4:33:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 38,558
Neurons: 1,453,333
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Wednesday, November 25, 2020 9:09:52 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,935
Neurons: 16,461

Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team, down below, is whooping it up and having a great time until one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, and she decides to investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds the blonde team staring straight ahead at the road, frozen in fear, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
"Whats going on up here?" asks the brunette. "We're having a great time downstairs!"
"Yeah," screams a terrified blonde, "but you've got a driver!"

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/tag/blonde-jokes/
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