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Effects of Cruel Words from Parents Linger Options
Daemon
Posted: Tuesday, December 3, 2013 12:00:00 AM
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Effects of Cruel Words from Parents Linger

Parents may not realize the lasting harm they are doing when they criticize, insult, or threaten their children. They may think they can make up for it by showering their children with kind words thereafter, but researchers say the psychological effects of the verbal aggression linger. Young adults who have a verbally aggressive parent are more likely to suffer from anxiety or depression, even if that parent is also verbally affectionate or if there is a second parent in the picture who is verbally affectionate. More...
GreenBanana
Posted: Tuesday, December 3, 2013 9:50:30 AM

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I think it's crucial we don't overlook the cruel words from teachers, classmates and coworkers as well. Parents work, and cannot be the primary socializing agents for all hours of the day. School staff and peers are just as much responsible for their own actions as anyone else.
Yakcal
Posted: Tuesday, December 3, 2013 12:48:36 PM

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You make a good point GB, but the main idea of the article is one that I had to live around/with for several years. It's hurtful when anyone says mean, ugly things to children, and when that comes from the likes of teachers or other authority figures, it hurts even more.

But I submit that there is nothing as hurtful as mean, ugly, terrible words that come from a parent. And when that parent is the mother, who most of us expect to be our main comforter and caregiver, it cuts deep; deeper than words from others can reach.

Each of us, as parents, especially, need to keep our heads about us when we are angry with our children. Don't say the first things that pop into our heads at the moment our child is misbehaving, but take a moment and wait before we lash out with words that will never, ever be forgotten by the child. Your silence for that moment before you consider what to say and how to say it may seem like a lifetime, but mean, hurtful words will be there for a lifetime that little life that's standing in front of you.

May all your thoughts, deeds, and words be kind ones, and remember that words mean things; they're not just sounds to shout at someone!

towan52
Posted: Tuesday, December 3, 2013 1:00:58 PM

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You make some excellent points Yakcal. Even in my sixties I still recall some cruel and heartless things my father said to me. Now he is in his nineties he needs my assistance, so I have to try to push those resentments to one side.
jcbarros
Posted: Tuesday, December 3, 2013 6:08:52 PM

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Well said, Yackal.
LMcL
Posted: Tuesday, December 3, 2013 7:51:21 PM
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towan, it's amazing how fresh those old wounds can be, isn't it? People can say horrible things, but if a parent does, it's the biggest betrayal. As adults, we can get our feeling hurt and still put things, more or less, into a context we can live with. But as children, for better or worse, our parents are our context.
nweissma
Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 5:23:31 AM

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@towan52: my mother is also in her 90's -- people like this are indestructible; she'll likely outlive me!-- and I do not "push away resentments" ... I've been pushing HER away!
MTC
Posted: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 4:54:41 PM
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They linger like lash marks.
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