mailing list For webmasters
Welcome Guest
Mommies and Daddies Options
Kat
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2009 6:09:05 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/19/2009
Posts: 878
Neurons: 3,389
I am the mother of a male child and love him more than I love myself.
Although too old now, I have always wondered about the joy of having
a little girl and what the differences are...I mean aside from the
clothing, that teen boy smell, the obvious personality differences
and possibly the toy choices.
I have often heard from both my sisters, that they are somehow,
sometimes closer to their daughters, but that there was a small window
during their girl's teens when all they did was fight. I did not experience
the “screeching matches” they describe with my son.
Now that my son is getting married and he and his intended are expecting
their first child in May, I am secretly hoping for a girl. I know that’s bad.
Are the differences that drastic? How do you relate to your daughter
differently from your son? Is there a closeness you don't find with a
male child that you do with a female?
26letters
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2009 6:41:30 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/25/2009
Posts: 679
Neurons: 2,050
Location: Your keyboard. (USA)
Kat - This is a sweet topic. I had both and like you said, they seem closer to one parent or the other, depending on what stage of life they are in.

I think girls have a tendency to think they know what makes Mom tick and vice-versa for boys. They seem more forgiving of the opposite. So in a way, my son is closer to me than my daughter, but now that my daughter has her own child we are closer. She now appreciates all the more how hard it is to be a mom.

My daughter was more self-motivated and self-disciplined than my son, but then again, it could have something to do with birth order. And she is very much a girl. My son is very much a boy.

I hope your son is the father of a girl - there's nothing wrong with wanting that. You'll enjoy either one.
MissMary
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2009 7:28:41 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/3/2009
Posts: 14
Neurons: 45
Location: United States
Growing up, I felt closer to one parent than to another at different stages, but in general, closer to my mother. I have sons and daughters and grandchildren of both sexes. I find that as sons mature they become protective (and bossy) sooner than girls do. My daughters ask for advice, my sons and sons-in-law give it. I don't feel the same closeness to my sons after they married as I did when they were single; I try to back off and let each one's closest ties be with his wife. Can't tell how it will go with the grandchildren
Isaac Samuel
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2009 8:32:00 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/2/2009
Posts: 674
Neurons: 1,222
Location: United States
Kat:

Your first paragraph sounds oedipus.I am sure you didn't mean it that way.
The grass is greener always on the other side. My wife and I have two daughters, one grand daughter and three grandsons.
We try not to show any favoritism although it is very trying at times.
RuthP
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2009 8:47:37 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/2/2009
Posts: 5,408
Neurons: 87,618
Location: Drain, Oregon, United States
Kat, it's so exciting you will have a grandchild! I hope you get your girl, but I'm sure you'd love a boy, too.

There are probably differences between boys and girls you can see when you look at a whole population of children, but overall there is more overlap than difference. It's like this graph. (Funny, because I searched Google images for overlapping normal distribution plots just to get a picture, and what do I get but a male/female difference- in hearing not personality.) With any one child, I think the differences are more due to the individual.

Cathie8653
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2009 6:24:13 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/27/2009
Posts: 80
Neurons: 254
Location: London
I am the mother of both genders - one of each and have to say that there are a world of differences between sons and daughters. Whilst, it can be true that daughters are closer to their mums, it varies greatly depending on the make up and personality of the individuals concerned.

I found that my daughter and I became firmer friends once she became a parent, prior to that she and i had little in common save our gender. She was, however, very close to her dad, who had similar skills and abilities as she has - maths, logic and science.

My son, who was more creative and ethereal - reading, art and music - shared a greater level of interest with me and we bonded around those things.

I enjoyed being their mum in different ways.

There is though, the old adage:

A son is a son til he marries a wife,
but a daughters a daughter all of her life.

Maybe as girls become parents the bond between them and their mother tightens, where as the boys, oftimes, re-attach their affections to the significant other in their life at any given time.

Do not know really, just my thoughts for what they are worth.
risadr
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2009 8:34:43 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/16/2009
Posts: 1,155
Neurons: 3,545
Location: PA, United States
Kat wrote:
I am the mother of a male child and love him more than I love myself.
Although too old now, I have always wondered about the joy of having
a little girl and what the differences are...I mean aside from the
clothing, that teen boy smell, the obvious personality differences
and possibly the toy choices.
I have often heard from both my sisters, that they are somehow,
sometimes closer to their daughters, but that there was a small window
during their girl's teens when all they did was fight. I did not experience
the “screeching matches” they describe with my son.
Now that my son is getting married and he and his intended are expecting
their first child in May, I am secretly hoping for a girl. I know that’s bad.
Are the differences that drastic? How do you relate to your daughter
differently from your son? Is there a closeness you don't find with a
male child that you do with a female?


Congratulations, again, Kat, on your expected grandbaby!

To answer your questions:

Growing up, I always felt closer with my mother. My parents divorced when I was small and I always lived with her, but, in hindsight, I think that had less to do with it than the fact that my mother and I were basically "cut from the same cloth." I never felt uncomfortable with my father, step-father, or step-mother, but Mommy was always the first person I turned to when I needed anything. I always had a very open and honest relationship with my mother and, even in my teens (when many of my female friends and their mothers were fighting constantly), we were very close. I think I may have actually fought with my mother once in my entire life. I always felt comfortable asking her questions or going to her for advice, and I told her things about myself that many of my friends (female AND male) would never have been able to talk to their parents about - when I lost my virginity, for example. I did everything that I did in high school and college to help her (as she was a single parent, having divorced my step-father when I was 14) and to make her proud of me. When she was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 22, I was the person whom she asked to be her primary caregiver.

As a point of contrast, though, my sister and my brother have always been closer with my father. Looking at it from that point of view, it may have something to do with the fact that I am the oldest (as my mother was), and my mother and I have a lot in common, where my sister and my brother seem to have more in common with my father. My half-brother was closer with my mother than he was with his father, but I think that has more to do with the fact that he was only two years old when my mother and step-father divorced and my mother raised him as a single parent. When he went to live with his father when he was seven, there was a shift and, even though he remained close with my mother, he became closer to his father. (The person my half-brother has always been closest to, though, has actually been me, and he has asked me repeatedly, since I left home at 19 - even when he lived with my mother - if he could come and live with me. I've always told him that he needs to talk to his father about it, but I'd be happy to have him.)

Now that I have my own daughter and two nephews (my sister and my brother both have little boys), I find that I cannot, nor do I want to, imagine having a son. I see so much of my mother (and of myself) in my little girl. I am confident that she and I will have a relationship similar to the one that I had with my mother, which makes me feel incredibly good. There are, of course, the obvious differences to look at between boys and girls. My sister's little boy, whom I call Buddy, is only four months younger than my own Bee (what we call my daughter, after my grandmother), but there are stark differences in their development. For example, my daughter started walking early, at around ten months old; my nephew began walking about two months later, when he was eight months old. My daughter started talking when she was eight months old and she now has a large vocabulary and speaks in five-word sentences (she just turned two years old on October 12); my nephew, who will be two years old on February 21, barely speaks at all. (To be fair we - my sister and I - think that he doesn't speak, not because he can't, but because he simply doesn't want to.)

Basically, aside from the documented developmental differences between boys and girls, I think that a relationship with a child is what you make it. I hope that I will have the same close, open relationship with my daughter that my mother and I had, and I'm going to do everything I can to ensure that it happens.
Users browsing this topic
Guest


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.