Six Seconds to Minty Freshness

Would you like to have a few spare minutes in the morning? If so, the new Blizzident toothbrush might be right for you. Instead of spending minutes brushing your teeth, you could have perfectly clean pearly whites in seconds. The key, apparently, is brushing all the teeth at once. This is accomplished using a custom-made brush created to precisely fit the user's teeth. One simply bites down on and grinds against the Blizzident, and in six seconds the device's hundreds of bristles supposedly scrub the teeth, gum line, and interdental spaces clean. According to its makers, six seconds of Blizzident use is equivalent to three minutes of conventional brushing. More...

One cannot save time... one can only apportion it. Time marches on regardless, and if you are not careful I will apportion some of it to be pedantic.

You bristle at the crass commercialism, then, GreenBanana? Sure, it's an ad, but let's not brush off its newsworthiness. What the infomercial doesn't mention is that a man was recently bitten, badly mauled in fact, by his own Bizzident in a case of apparent retaliation. (Well, it's a thankless job, a grind to be sure.) Anyway, the incident may be just a taste of things to come. You may recall when the Emergency Alert System Skynet became Self-Aware on Judgment Day? A chilling prospect. Antarctica could become the safest place on the planet.

I'll be lucky if they don't ride me out of town on a cyber rail, ex. But thanks, anyway.