mailing list For webmasters
Welcome Guest
Corporatespeak Options
Betsy D.
Posted: Tuesday, March 24, 2009 10:34:07 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/18/2009
Posts: 193
Neurons: 558
Location: Pennsylvania
During my all-too-lengthy sojourn in Corporate America, I encountered lots of terms that...well, let's just leave it at that. I have "bigger fish to fry"....Brick wall

There are strategic initiatives, global directives, best practices and key objectives. There is best in class cross-selling. branding and rebranding, and lots and lots of leveraging. Of course, we have to get the buy-in of whomever is driving the bus.

What are some of the most used Corporatespeak terms you hear where you work?
vinsont
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 8:16:42 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 3/20/2009
Posts: 3
Neurons: 9
Location: United States
Being an IT guy I have always been fond of “Best-of-Breed”. For example you will hear the following in many corporate meetings: “We have chosen to take a best-of-breed approach to our enterprise application development“. Which really means “We couldn’t develop a single application to do what we needed done. Therefore we patched what we could find together the best we could to trick you into thinking we actually know what we are doing but truthfully we are clueless.”
Joseph Glantz
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 9:16:27 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/18/2009
Posts: 2,036
Neurons: 6,040
Location: United States
When I worked for AT&T they always had "team meetings" where we were supposed to bond. Their favorite word for this was "synergy." Otherwise, I tend to read the Dilbert cartoon series for an up to date look at corporate culture including the language of corporations
Betsy D.
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 10:36:20 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/18/2009
Posts: 193
Neurons: 558
Location: Pennsylvania
I used to sit in meetings and make lists of gobbledegook...punctuated, of course, by lots of "blah, blah, blah".

"Reorganizing our asset management" is what Corporations say when they aren't paying invoices so they can pay their associates. "Outsourcing" means we're giving our jobs to foreign countries whose workers will accept lower wages. (Patriotic, isn't it?)

Let's not forget "cost-saving initiatives"...that's what enables big corporations to provide outrageously costly private offices for executives by means of layoffs, service and employee-amenity budget cuts and the aforementioned "outsourcing".

Oh...and let's not forget "procurement", which used to be known as "purchasing". The Procurement Team coordinates the cost-savings initiatives by means of leveraging partnerships.

Hmmmm...I'm not so sure this "redeployment" of words is a good thing, particularly when it enables legal loopholes. Case in point: "purchasing" is straightforward. It means you bought and paid for something. "Procurement" implies *getting* something but does not necessarily mean it was purchased. It might have been traded for (uh, favors?), stolen, received in donation, or trashpicked, for that matter.

Yeah, I'm a rebel. Dancing

msvickib
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 2:58:36 PM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 3/25/2009
Posts: 1
Neurons: 3
Location: United States
It seems, based on my recent large corporation experience, that perhaps IT people should not be involved in writing anything that needs to be understood by the corporate population. Or that a person outside the company should be employed to interpret. Get a load of this:
Involved throughout all three of these areas is implementation and utilization of tools such as Accelerated Implementation Methodology to ensure the proper sponsorship and environment for stellar implementation exists for these business changes in collaboration with the business lines.

This is published on the intranet of a Fortune 100 company.
kaliedel
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 4:15:29 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/16/2009
Posts: 340
Neurons: 1,029
Location: United States
I can't speak for it personally, but my parents recall the horrors of going through the now-outdated corporate training seminars on "warm fuzzies" and "cold pricklies," human resources terms both.
Betsy D.
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 4:32:21 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/18/2009
Posts: 193
Neurons: 558
Location: Pennsylvania
kaliedel wrote:
I can't speak for it personally, but my parents recall the horrors of going through the now-outdated corporate training seminars on "warm fuzzies" and "cold pricklies," human resources terms both.


Interesting. I can attest to the fact that there are lots more "cold pricklies" in the corporate world than there are "warm fuzzies".Brick wall
NickN
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 6:27:31 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/16/2009
Posts: 78
Neurons: 275
You'll find a lot of those vague buzz phrases used in education as well. I used to cover school board meetings as a small-town reporter and could count on the phrase "best practices" coming up several times.

I always found it a bit arrogant to use that phrase, as if you had found the best method to do something and would no longer need to find ways to improve your curriculum, etc.

But perhaps even more annoying is the dreaded "due diligence," especially when someone would say that "we did our due diligence." *Cringe*
Betsy D.
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 6:43:23 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/18/2009
Posts: 193
Neurons: 558
Location: Pennsylvania
NickN wrote:
You'll find a lot of those vague buzz phrases used in education as well. I used to cover school board meetings as a small-town reporter and could count on the phrase "best practices" coming up several times.

I always found it a bit arrogant to use that phrase, as if you had found the best method to do something and would no longer need to find ways to improve your curriculum, etc.

But perhaps even more annoying is the dreaded "due diligence," especially when someone would say that "we did our due diligence." *Cringe*


Ah..."due diligence" - yes. Ambrose Bierce might have defined that as "a ticket to absolution".
Drew
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 8:40:56 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/17/2009
Posts: 1,503
Neurons: 4,487
Location: United States
Joseph Glantz wrote:
When I worked for AT&T they always had "team meetings" where we were supposed to bond. Their favorite word for this was "synergy."


Synergy is definitely a popular corporate buzzword these days.
bullit16
Posted: Friday, March 27, 2009 1:41:53 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/27/2009
Posts: 29
Neurons: 87
Location: United States
My boss adores the fact that there is a shift in the paradigm of our customers. Every time she says "paradigm" I want to slap her. She's also very fond of the word "viral".
wordnerd
Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 2:37:09 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/16/2009
Posts: 38
Neurons: 117
Location: United States
I worked for many years in data processing on Wall Street (the belly of the beast, for a woman; don't get me started). The corporate speak was thick. Here are a few examples off the top of my head:

off-site: a noun, referring to a multi-day stay at a hotel or conference center, usually to develop strategic plans (and hangovers). "Have you been invited to the off-site next month?"

low-hanging fruit: used in many ways. The most disgusting one was as a metaphor for the first names on the list when a layoff was announced.

scope-creep: used to describe what happened to a poorly defined and managed project that swelled beyond its initial purpose and, usually, budget and schedule. (We also had scope-creeps in the data center; a noun, a scope-creep was an uber-nerd with an unsavory way of looking at his few female colleagues and who spent all of his time behind his monitor.)

cost-driver: noun. self-explanatory, I think.

drinking the Kool-Aid: buying into whatever line of BS management was trying to get us to swallow. "Don't ask Joe his opinion; he drank the Kool-Aid."
Betsy D.
Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 3:22:00 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/18/2009
Posts: 193
Neurons: 558
Location: Pennsylvania
wordnerd wrote:
I worked for many years in data processing on Wall Street (the belly of the beast, for a woman; don't get me started). The corporate speak was thick. Here are a few examples off the top of my head:

off-site: a noun, referring to a multi-day stay at a hotel or conference center, usually to develop strategic plans (and hangovers). "Have you been invited to the off-site next month?"

low-hanging fruit: used in many ways. The most disgusting one was as a metaphor for the first names on the list when a layoff was announced.

scope-creep: used to describe what happened to a poorly defined and managed project that swelled beyond its initial purpose and, usually, budget and schedule. (We also had scope-creeps in the data center; a noun, a scope-creep was an uber-nerd with an unsavory way of looking at his few female colleagues and who spent all of his time behind his monitor.)

cost-driver: noun. self-explanatory, I think.

drinking the Kool-Aid: buying into whatever line of BS management was trying to get us to swallow. "Don't ask Joe his opinion; he drank the Kool-Aid."


Ah, yes... pretty disgusting.
kaliedel
Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 3:30:20 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/16/2009
Posts: 340
Neurons: 1,029
Location: United States
Joseph Glantz wrote:
When I worked for AT&T they always had "team meetings" where we were supposed to bond. Their favorite word for this was "synergy." Otherwise, I tend to read the Dilbert cartoon series for an up to date look at corporate culture including the language of corporations


Every time I hear the word "synergy," I recall "The Simpsons" episode where a giant telecommunications corporation was building a cell tower on top of the family's home. The representative's justification for nearly everything was "synergy," which the family knew didn't make a lick of sense.
Rhondish
Posted: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 3:32:30 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/20/2009
Posts: 256
Neurons: 787
Location: NH - United States
Drew wrote:
Joseph Glantz wrote:
When I worked for AT&T they always had "team meetings" where we were supposed to bond. Their favorite word for this was "synergy."


Synergy is definitely a popular corporate buzzword these days.


Sad but true, with all the mergers and aquisitions, I have heard synergize efficiencies to reduce redundancies too many times.
Galad
Posted: Wednesday, April 1, 2009 4:21:06 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2009
Posts: 2,582
Neurons: 10,532
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States
For pure entertainment value you can try Buzzword bingo....

http://isd.usc.edu/~karl/Bingo/

Hand them out at your next meeting.....
fred
Posted: Thursday, April 2, 2009 3:12:17 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/1/2009
Posts: 1,475
Neurons: 4,457
Location: United States
I'll be out of pocket today.
OK, are you usually in your pocket during the day? How's the lint?


Telephone:
Is "he" in?
Let me check... yes, there are about 30 he's in this office and some say G#d is here also. Would you like to use a name to describe this "he"?


Max it out.


Absolutely (for everything).
kaliedel
Posted: Thursday, April 2, 2009 3:26:01 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/16/2009
Posts: 340
Neurons: 1,029
Location: United States
What about somethng like "let's do lunch" or "have my people call your people?"
Citiwoman
Posted: Friday, April 3, 2009 12:25:36 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/16/2009
Posts: 31
Neurons: 93
Location: United States
Imagine the self satisfaction of the individual uttering these old goodies:
We need to right-size this department.
He is going to throw me under the bus.
I am going to tee this up so that you will understand it.
We are going to create buzz.
This product is buzzworthy for a great street campaign.
Let's hit it out of the park with this presentation.
I'll have my admin squeeze you in.
Luftmarque
Posted: Friday, April 3, 2009 12:35:44 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/17/2009
Posts: 3,119
Neurons: 39,962
Location: Pau, Aquitaine, France
This topic tends to bring back nightmares for me--but, maybe it's cathartic, so... when I was working at a defense contractor I heard some interesting ones. "Tall pole in the tent" is the first one that comes to mind, I'll see if I can remember some more.
fred
Posted: Friday, April 3, 2009 8:33:44 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/1/2009
Posts: 1,475
Neurons: 4,457
Location: United States
Citiwoman wrote:
Imagine the self satisfaction of the individual uttering these old goodies:


Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.
Users browsing this topic
Guest


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.