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Suddenly the unexpected visit of his dear friend Options
Nikitus
Posted: Friday, June 11, 2021 12:15:00 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
Posts: 423
Neurons: 2,098
Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all your help to improve my written english.

I want to ask if the following sentences are grammatically correct?

"Suddenly the unexpected visit of his dear friend Brad appeared before his eyes. This fortuitous event surprised Claire, since her friend had been traveling through South America for more than three months and would not return to work at school."


Context: Claire and Brad are colleagues at school and best friends.


Thanks.
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Friday, June 11, 2021 12:21:38 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2009
Posts: 44,082
Neurons: 625,759
Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland
"unexpected visit appeared..." sounds very odd.

Perhaps "Brad appeared unexpected..."
sportsherald
Posted: Friday, June 11, 2021 3:50:33 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 2/8/2015
Posts: 45
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Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
If the friends are Brad and Claire, who is the other male involved in 'his dear friend Brad appeared before his eyes'? I suspect this is really from Claire's perspective, in which case it should be *her* dear friend Brad.

Aside from this, the phrasing is not natural. I am not totally clear on the meaning of the second sentence- is the overall trip for more than three months, and is he returning to work at school after that? Are they students or teachers? I think it would flow better like this:

'Suddenly and unexpectedly, her dear friend Brad appeared before her. This surprised Claire, since she didn't expect him back from his travels through South America for three more months.'

Even more naturally:

'Claire was surprised to see Brad suddenly appear before her. She hadn't been expecting her dear friend to return from travelling through South America so soon.'
Nikitus
Posted: Saturday, June 12, 2021 9:46:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
Posts: 423
Neurons: 2,098
Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
Dear Jyrkkä Jätkä: Thanks for your help.


Jyrkkä Jätkä wrote:
"unexpected visit appeared..." sounds very odd.

Perhaps "Brad appeared unexpected..."



Nikitus
Posted: Saturday, June 12, 2021 9:50:10 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
Posts: 423
Neurons: 2,098
Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
Dear sportsherald: Thanks for your help



sportsherald wrote:
If the friends are Brad and Claire, who is the other male involved in 'his dear friend Brad appeared before his eyes'? I suspect this is really from Claire's perspective, in which case it should be *her* dear friend Brad. Yes, it is from Claire perspective




Aside from this, the phrasing is not natural. I am not totally clear on the meaning of the second sentence- is the overall trip for more than three months, and is he returning to work at school after that? Are they students or teachers? Brad and Claire are teachers.

Brad took all the vacation days he had accumulated over the years to travel. But he would give up his job when he returned from his trip. Returning to school, he surprised his friend.


I think it would flow better like this:

'Suddenly and unexpectedly, her dear friend Brad appeared before her. This surprised Claire, since she didn't expect him back from his travels through South America for three more months.'

Even more naturally:

'Claire was surprised to see Brad suddenly appear before her. She hadn't been expecting her dear friend to return from travelling through South America so soon.'
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