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Suicidal tendencies Options
Penz
Posted: Saturday, May 1, 2021 5:50:57 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 2/26/2021
Posts: 344
Neurons: 2,202
I am not sure if this is the right forum to discuss it. But it has to deal with mental illnesses.

Yesterday, I turned 18. Clinically depressed, getting severe suicidal thoughts, have no money, no social life, parents are threatening that they are not going to take any responsibility of me now.
I can't earn a crap. All I know is I can write stories and I'm a musician.
I post cover songs too, for distractions and hoping that somehow they could make some money. I tried various freelancing services, nothing helped me at all.
When it happens, you just feel incompetent.
I joined some discord group related to something about helping depressed people. But in the group all the people were going along well and giving me craps like "Don't pull that sob story with me" or giving me terms like "attention seeker".

I just feel dejected all the time.
And the only solution to all my problems seems "some money", at least to sustain myself.

Everyone is now like "you are good for nothing".
"You are surviving on our mercy, you pathetic." --It's India. We Indians "care" so much about others.

I just wanna know is there practically any way out cuz I've heard various motivational crap. Nothing works out at the end of the day.

Please help me!
jack.stalwart
Posted: Saturday, May 1, 2021 4:49:31 PM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 1/14/2016
Posts: 5
Neurons: 91,046
I had clinical depression at about the same age as yours, and over the course of life it has turned into a recurrent depression. Because after years of calm I unexpectedly had a relapse recently. And after a month of suffering and gloom I had the courage to go see a psychiatrist.
Even though the depression went as unexpectedly as it came, I take the prescribed meds and plan to continue so.
What you should believe is it is an impairment in your brain. It is medical. Changing your way of thinking, trying to find out analytically what has gone wrong with you Will Not Help.
After seeing the nice doctor I had this amazing book - Mindfulness by Mark Williams - as a recommendation to read.
It is completely scientific and helps you see the big picture how the chains of the link in your brain - emotion, memory, mood - ultimately send down the loop of depression. It is nothing like motivational self-help crap.
So, I would recommend to accept that It Is A Disorder In Your Brain and It Can and Must Be Treated.
Yes, and I have had suicidal thoughts my entire life, but they have lately subsided.

P.S. The decision to go to the doctor is hard, I know. But you must do it.
Penz
Posted: Sunday, May 2, 2021 3:41:49 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 2/26/2021
Posts: 344
Neurons: 2,202
Don't have money! Can't buy or pay for shit! Parents AREN'T gonna pay!
Lotje1000
Posted: Sunday, May 2, 2021 4:06:15 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 11/3/2014
Posts: 1,217
Neurons: 746,174
Location: Leuven, Flanders, Belgium
Hi Penz, thanks for reaching out! I'm sorry you're dealing with so much and that the people around you are so toxic and draining.

I support Jack's suggestion of finding a professional therapist to talk to who can give advice and options for you. There is no universal therapy that will work for everyone. Your depression can be because of a chemical imbalance or it could be in reaction to your home situation, or both, or it could be a symptom of something medical. That is something for a professional to figure out.

If you can't find/afford a professional just yet, there are other online sources you can turn to and find people to talk to, such as 7 cups. I haven't tried it myself, but 7 cups is a well-reviewed website that offers free support and people who will listen to you without judgment. The free version of it works with trained volunteers, I think. The paid-for side of it has the actual medical professionals. Look it up, read some reviews and see if it's something you feel comfortable trying.

It is important that you talk to someone about how you feel, be they online volunteers, friends, family, your neighbor, anyone. Talk honestly and openly in as much as you feel comfortable. If they respond like that Discord group, then cut them loose and find someone else - that stuff is toxic.

I would also strongly advise starting some self care, if you haven't already. Self care is about ways you can maintain yourself until you can find a support network. There's a lot of sources on the net about how to do that during a pandemic, like this one. Self-care is not about fixing things, but about ensuring a basic, healthy quality of life to keep you going. As long as you have the energy for it, I would recommend you keep writing and keep making music.

There are ways out that will help you manage your depression and your thoughts of suicide. Practical ways that involve more than motivational talk. You deserve to find them and you deserve support.
Penz
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2021 5:21:18 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 2/26/2021
Posts: 344
Neurons: 2,202
Nothing worked out!
FounDit
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2021 11:25:52 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,768
Neurons: 75,232
Penz wrote:
Nothing worked out!


Nothing worked out ... at this particular point in time. But nothing remains the same forever. Everything changes. Your life has changed over the years as your grew, and it will continue to change no matter what others may do to prevent that. Change is the nature of life, so don't give up. Just be open to opportunity when it comes, because it will come. Nothing can stop change. I know it's difficult to be patient when you're young, but sometimes it is the only thing that can be done. Just wait, and it will happen.
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