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alpacinoutd
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2020 7:04:27 PM
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Joined: 10/18/2020
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Neurons: 256
Hello.

I'm looking for a way to avoid saying "it was noon" in this context:

He received an email. It was Paul. It was afternoon in South Africa.

Is there something I can say about the sun? Something like this?:

He received an email. It was Paul. The afternoon sun was shining in South Africa.

I need something which is more interesting.
Romany
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2020 7:44:55 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2009
Posts: 17,934
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Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom
But was it noon?

If so "The midday sun was was burning fiercely in South Africa."

If it's afternoon - "South Africa was dozing in a post-prandial haze."
"In South Africa the hours crept stickily towards evening."
"In South Africa it was the hottest part of the day and only fools in cities were not dozing it away.

Three registers: semi-formal, imaginative, colloquial. Because it depends on what you mean by 'interesting'.Dancing
alpacinoutd
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2020 9:31:06 AM
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Joined: 10/18/2020
Posts: 47
Neurons: 256
Interesting indeedDancing

What if I want to draw contrast between two different time zones?

The midday sun was was burning fiercely in South Africa. It America, the sun was just lifting itself above mountains.

Again, an interesting way.

Romany wrote:
But was it noon?

If so "The midday sun was was burning fiercely in South Africa."

If it's afternoon - "South Africa was dozing in a post-prandial haze."
"In South Africa the hours crept stickily towards evening."
"In South Africa it was the hottest part of the day and only fools in cities were not dozing it away.

Three registers: semi-formal, imaginative, colloquial. Because it depends on what you mean by 'interesting'.
Dancing
Romany
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2020 10:29:10 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2009
Posts: 17,934
Neurons: 58,265
Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom

Not an expert, of course - but aren't there two different time zones in the USA? Would your sentence pertain in both zones? ( expect, though, that you've realised by now that a writer spends more time researching than in actually writing? So will assume that works for both.)


"just lifting itself above the mountains" is pretty pedestrian. It doesn't conjure up anything more than that it's sunrise. One might as well simply say "In America it was sunrise." There's absolutely no reason not to.

However, to contrast:
If the sun is "burning" and if, even more evocative, it's burning "fiercely" , the contrast is achieved by finding a contrast to that actual phrase: "burning fiercely" .

"Waking lethargically."
"Lazily rising."

Both show it's sunrise - but the slow energy of a mild sun contrasts with the energy of a fiercely, burning one. Sounds more complicated to explain than it actually is, doesn't it?
alpacinoutd
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2020 10:40:45 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/18/2020
Posts: 47
Neurons: 256
Okay. So, the time difference between Johannesburg and San Diego is 9 hours.

So, does this work?

Jane was walking home. The afternoon sun was burning fiercely in Johannesburg. In San Diego, John was fast asleep. The sun was lazily rising in the cloudless sky.

Romany wrote:

Not an expert, of course - but aren't there two different time zones in the USA? Would your sentence pertain in both zones? ( expect, though, that you've realised by now that a writer spends more time researching than in actually writing? So will assume that works for both.)


"just lifting itself above the mountains" is pretty pedestrian. It doesn't conjure up anything more than that it's sunrise. One might as well simply say "In America it was sunrise." There's absolutely no reason not to.

However, to contrast:
If the sun is "burning" and if, even more evocative, it's burning "fiercely" , the contrast is achieved by finding a contrast to that actual phrase: "burning fiercely" .

"Waking lethargically."
"Lazily rising."

Both show it's sunrise - but the slow energy of a mild sun contrasts with the energy of a fiercely, burning one. Sounds more complicated to explain than it actually is, doesn't it?
FounDit
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2020 11:35:10 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 14,643
Neurons: 69,802
alpacinoutd wrote:
Okay. So, the time difference between Johannesburg and San Diego is 9 hours.

So, does this work?
The problem as I see it is that you don't have the lazily rising sun connected to John in San Diego.

Jane was walking home. The afternoon sun was burning fiercely in Johannesburg. In San Diego, John was fast asleep. The sun was lazily rising in the cloudless sky.

Romany wrote:

Not an expert, of course - but aren't there two different time zones in the USA?
There are four time zones for the continental U.S., and six if you count Alaska and Hawaii: UTC-5 (Eastern Time), UTC-6 (Central Time), UTC-7 (Mountain time), UTC-8 (Pacific time). Then there is UTC-9 (Alaska Time) and UTC-10 (Hawaii Time).

Would your sentence pertain in both zones? ( expect, though, that you've realised by now that a writer spends more time researching than in actually writing? So will assume that works for both.)


"just lifting itself above the mountains" is pretty pedestrian. It doesn't conjure up anything more than that it's sunrise. One might as well simply say "In America it was sunrise." There's absolutely no reason not to.

However, to contrast:
If the sun is "burning" and if, even more evocative, it's burning "fiercely" , the contrast is achieved by finding a contrast to that actual phrase: "burning fiercely" .

"Waking lethargically."
"Lazily rising."

Both show it's sunrise - but the slow energy of a mild sun contrasts with the energy of a fiercely, burning one. Sounds more complicated to explain than it actually is, doesn't it?
alpacinoutd
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2020 12:08:47 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/18/2020
Posts: 47
Neurons: 256
How should I make a connection? Obviously, John and Jane are friends.

FounDit wrote:
The problem as I see it is that you don't have the lazily rising sun connected to John in San Diego.
FounDit
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2020 1:55:35 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 14,643
Neurons: 69,802
alpacinoutd wrote:
How should I make a connection? Obviously, John and Jane are friends.

FounDit wrote:
The problem as I see it is that you don't have the lazily rising sun connected to John in San Diego.


Typically, you would describe the conditions for each person. For example:

The afternoon sun was burning fiercely in Johannesburg as Jane walked home. But in San Diego, her friend John lay fast asleep as the sun rose lazily in the cloudless sky of that city.
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