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One night as he came near a park along a river, ... Options
onsen
Posted: Sunday, October 18, 2020 7:17:35 AM
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Joined: 9/14/2017
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Hello,

One night as he came near a park along a river, he was spoken to by a stranger lurking behind the bushes.
(self-made sentence)

Please correct the above sentence.

How does one add the following information to the sentence to form one sentence?

A row of houses ended near where the park was located.

My tries:
1. One night as he came near a park along a river, where a row of houses ended, he was spoken to by a stranger lurking behind the bushes.
2. One night as he came near a park along a river, just after passing a row of houses, he was spoken to by a stranger lurking behind the bushes.


Thank you.
Audiendus
Posted: Sunday, October 18, 2020 8:20:25 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
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Location: London, England, United Kingdom
onsen wrote:
1. One night as he came near a park along a river, where a row of houses ended, he was spoken to by a stranger lurking behind the bushes.
2. One night as he came near a park along a river, just after passing a row of houses, he was spoken to by a stranger lurking behind the bushes.

(2) sounds more natural.

You need a comma after "night". Also, I am not sure whether "along" is the right word. You may need to change it to "alongside", "beside" or "by", but I cannot be sure without knowing your exact meaning.
FounDit
Posted: Sunday, October 18, 2020 11:42:10 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
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Audiendus wrote:
onsen wrote:
1. One night as he came near a park along a river, where a row of houses ended, he was spoken to by a stranger lurking behind the bushes.
2. One night as he came near a park along a river, just after passing a row of houses, he was spoken to by a stranger lurking behind the bushes.

(2) sounds more natural.

You need a comma after "night". Also, I am not sure whether "along" is the right word. You may need to change it to "alongside", "beside" or "by", but I cannot be sure without knowing your exact meaning.


In addition to the comma, it would sound more natural to me to change the wording at the end a bit.

One night, as he came near a park along a river, just after passing a row of houses, a stranger spoke to him from behind some bushes.

If you wanted to keep the "lurking" part, you could say:

One night as he came near a park along a river, just after passing a row of houses, a stranger, lurking behind some bushes, spoke to him.
Romany
Posted: Monday, October 19, 2020 6:40:20 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2009
Posts: 17,703
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Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom


Would also add that "came near" is not the way we would say it.

As he...

"neared a park..."
"approached a park..."
"reached the edge of a park..."
"came to a park..."
"passed close by a park..."

are some of the ways it would be said.

Personally - as a stand-alone sentence, there's no need at all to add "where a row of houses ended,..."

A park IS a space with no houses. If there were a row of houses there it wouldn't be a park. A park is an empty space, which makes it more disturbing that someone spoke to him. He was in a deserted area in the dark.

If this is part of a larger context though, there may be justification for mentioning those houses?
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