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When George visited the island Options
Boris66
Posted: Wednesday, June 3, 2020 1:54:19 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/11/2020
Posts: 245
Neurons: 1,206
Do my sentence sound natural? I wrote this text just as an exercise

When George visited the island where he was born, after a long absence, he was disappointed with what he saw. The island had five sardine factories at one time, which employed hundreds of people, but now they were all closed down. There had been an ironmonger's, a barber, and a car repair shop too, but they had all disappeared. He went to see the cinema, where he had spent a lot of time together with his girlfriend, but its doors and windows were boarded up. A passer-by told him that as the people started to use DVDs, they stayed at home and the cinema went bankrupt and closed. He went searching for his former schoolmates, but found none. They had all left the island because they were unable to find work. The only thing that didn't disappoint him was the beach with its fine sand and crystal clear water. Although it was still spring and the sea was cold, George took off his clothes, except his underpants, and dived.

He swam a couple of lengths, feeling like a child again. This was pure happiness, the kind of he had never experienced in the town he lived in. He came ashore, stood for a while, watching the water sparkle like diamonds, and breathed in the smell of the sea. This is home, this is where I belong, he told himself. Suddenly, he recalled the words the old Tom said to him before George got on a ferry: "When I was young, I was adventurous and wanted to see the world. I did. But whenever I went I carried pain inside of me. Neither money nor beautiful women could help me. It took me years to understand that you can't plant a fig or an olive tree in the cold soil and expect them to grow. They will die no matter how much nourishment you'll give them. I have returned, and so will you, or homesickness will eat you from inside like cancer."
FounDit
Posted: Wednesday, June 3, 2020 5:37:29 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 13,947
Neurons: 66,568
Boris66 wrote:
Do my sentence sound natural? I wrote this text just as an exercise

When George visited the island where he was born, after a long absence, he was disappointed with what he saw. The island had five sardine factories at one time, which employed hundreds of people, but now they were all closed down. There had been an ironmonger's, a barber, and a car repair shop too, but they had all disappeared. He went to see the cinema, where he had spent a lot of time together with his girlfriend, but its doors and windows were boarded up. A passer-by told him that as the people started to use DVDs, they stayed at home and the cinema went bankrupt and closed. He went searching for his former schoolmates, but found none. They had all left the island because they were unable to find work. The only thing that didn't disappoint him was the beach with its fine sand and crystal clear water. Although it was still spring and the sea was cold, George took off his clothes, except his underpants, and dived.

He swam a couple of lengths, feeling like a child again. This was pure happiness, the kind of he had never experienced in the town he now lived in. He came ashore, stood for a while, watching the water sparkle like diamonds, and breathed in the smell of the sea. This is home, this is where I belong, he told himself. Suddenly, he recalled the words the old Tom said to him before he got on a ("the" fits better in my opinion) ferry to leave (or, boarded the ferry to leave): "When I was young, I was adventurous and wanted to see the world. I did. But wherever I went, I carried pain inside of me. Neither money nor beautiful women could help me (or, satisfied me). It took me years to understand that you can't plant a fig or an olive tree in the cold soil and expect them to grow. They will die no matter how much nourishment you give them. I have returned, and so will you, or homesickness will eat you up from inside like cancer." (There are several ways to say this last part: "homesickness will eat at/on you from the inside like (a) cancer"; homesickness will eat up your insides like a cancer"; "homesickness will eat you from the inside out, like (a) cancer")
Boris66
Posted: Thursday, June 4, 2020 12:25:39 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 3/11/2020
Posts: 245
Neurons: 1,206
Thank you very much for your corrections.
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