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A happy-go-lucky young man... Options
Amybal
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2020 12:33:04 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,058
Neurons: 5,495
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
A happy-go-lucky young man, Siddharth, works as a mobile application developer. His life is turned upside down when he gets caught in a tricky situation after falling in love with the girl of his dreams.

Long summary
Siddharth, a techie, woos Meera. He is egged on by his friend and roommate Kallis and he proposes to her. Kallis, too, is in a relationship with Meera's friend Shreya. Siddharth and Kallis, who are scamsters, decide to turn over a new leaf and settle down in Goa with their girlfriends. But soon, a cop who has been personally affected by their crimes, is determined to nab them.
FounDit
Posted: Wednesday, March 18, 2020 3:33:55 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 13,890
Neurons: 66,326
Amybal wrote:
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?
Very good, but I would add one comma and omit the word "soon" in the last sentence. It creates the idea that the cop waited to go after them until they settled down.

Short summary
A happy-go-lucky young man, Siddharth, works as a mobile application developer. His life is turned upside down when he gets caught in a tricky situation after falling in love with the girl of his dreams.

Long summary
Siddharth, a techie, woos Meera. He is egged on by his friend and roommate Kallis and he proposes to her. Kallis, too, is in a relationship with Meera's friend, Shreya. Siddharth and Kallis, who are scamsters, decide to turn over a new leaf and settle down in Goa with their girlfriends. But soon, a cop who has been personally affected by their crimes, is determined to nab them.
kfoob
Posted: Thursday, March 19, 2020 12:33:48 PM

Rank: Newbie

Joined: 9/11/2014
Posts: 14
Neurons: 486,959
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
I agree with FounDit. I could also suggest for the last sentence to change 'But' for 'However'
Amybal
Posted: Friday, March 20, 2020 8:18:36 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,058
Neurons: 5,495
Thank you FounDit and kfoob.
Amybal
Posted: Friday, March 20, 2020 8:19:02 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,058
Neurons: 5,495
Thank you FounDit and kfoob.
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