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zhonglc2020
Posted: Sunday, February 9, 2020 4:01:17 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/7/2019
Posts: 201
Neurons: 2,430
Hello everyone,

This is the first part of a journal of a man's wanderings.
I've put it into English. Can the following tell you something?
Please feel free correct me where I am wrong.

Many thanks in advance.

(1)
One day, I went to Huaying Temple on my horseback. After passing a village called Huafengli, I arrived at my destination at last. It was a place where the Emperor Yao, a famous saint in Chinese history, prayed three times for his people. And it was also a place of many trees. In the courtyard of the temple stood locust trees dating back to Qin Dynasty and cypress trees growing from Han Dynasty. Many of them were too big for three or four adults to hug in joint hands, mostly because they grew intertwined. It was also a place of ancient stone inscriptions, among which there was a masterpiece carved with “Good fortune” and “longevity” by Mr. Xiyi.

When it came to Mr. Xiyi, what sprang to mind particularly was the Yuquan Fountain Court. (Yuquan literally means, the spring water is as crystal as jade). It was at the foot of Hua Mountain that lay the court, where Xiyi died his Taoist death when his last day came. Then came into my mind was a small cave, in which a large image of Mr. Xiyi was laid lying on his side on a stone bed. The bed was built in the clear stream of the spring water, running on the nice and clean sands; the stream flowed swiftly but was slowed down here by the red-blue waterweeds and the little bamboo grove specially planted around there. Out of the cave was a square pavilion, with a signboard reading: Lotus Land Pavilion. Beside it stood three huge ancient trees. The bark of the trees cracked with deep black grooves as if filled with charcoal. Their leaves looked like those of the locust trees but were deeper in color. I have no idea what their names were, but I remember the locals called them Lotus Land trees.

zhonglc2020
Posted: Sunday, February 9, 2020 11:12:06 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/7/2019
Posts: 201
Neurons: 2,430
Then what came into my mind was a small cave,

The bed was built in the clear stream of the spring water, running on the nice and clean sands; the stream flowed swiftly but was slowed down here by the red-blue waterweeds and the little bamboo grove specially planted around there.

Edited version:
The stone bed and the sculpture was built half immersed in water, with the river formed by the swift stream flowing around. The water was clear and the sands of the riverbed could be seen clearly.There were also red-blue water weeds and a little bamboo grove specially planted around there to slow down the river.

FounDit
Posted: Sunday, February 9, 2020 11:51:38 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 13,659
Neurons: 65,368
zhonglc2020 wrote:
Hello everyone,

This is the first part of a journal of a man's wanderings.
I've put it into English. Can the following tell you something?
Please feel free correct me where I am wrong.

Many thanks in advance.
I'll offer an opinion in some places, but I don't want to write it for you. I want to keep as much of your words as possible. Understand, however, that there are many ways to say some of these things, and my words are just one opinion.

(1)
One day, I went to Huaying Temple on my horseback. After passing a village called Huafengli, I arrived at my destination at last. It was a place where the Emperor Yao, a famous saint in Chinese history, prayed three times for his people. And it was also a place of many trees. In the courtyard of the temple stood locust trees dating back to the Qin Dynasty and cypress trees that were growing in the Han Dynasty. Many of them were too large for three or four adults to hug, even by joining hands, mostly because they grew intertwined. It was also a place of ancient stone inscriptions, among which there was a masterpiece carved with, “Good fortune”, and “longevity”, by Mr. Xiyi.

When it came to Mr. Xiyi, what sprang to mind particularly was the Yuquan Fountain Court (Yuquan literally means, the spring water is as crystal as jade). The court was situated at the foot of Hua Mountain, and it was there Xiyi, the Taoist, died. Then what came into my mind was a small cave, in which a large image of Mr. Xiyi had been created, which depicted him lying on his side on a stone bed. The bed was built in the center of a clear stream of the spring water, running over nice, clean sand; the stream flowed swiftly, but was slowed down here by the red-blue water-weeds and a little bamboo grove specially planted around there. Outside the cave was a square pavilion, with a signboard reading: Lotus Land Pavilion. Beside it stood three huge, ancient trees. The bark of the trees appeared cracked in places with deep black grooves, as if filled with charcoal. Their leaves looked like those of the locust trees, but were deeper in color. I have no idea what their names were, but I remember the locals called them Lotus Land trees.


You did very well, with only a few things that I thought needed changing.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, February 9, 2020 12:27:10 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 33,900
Neurons: 219,324
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hello zhonglc2020.

It's readable and understandable - but I bet you want perfection!
There are a couple of vocabulary errors (the way particular words are used) and a couple of "article" errors - something which I believe doesn't exist in Chinese.
I'll try my best.

One day, I went to Huaying Temple on my horseback. After passing a village called Huafengli, I arrived at my destination at last. It was a place where the Emperor Yao, a famous saint in Chinese history, prayed three times for his people. And it was also a place of many trees.

You can say "on horseback" or "on my horse",

In the courtyard of the temple stood locust trees dating back to the Qin Dynasty and cypress trees growing from the Han Dynasty. Many of them were so big that three or four adults couldn't join hands around them, mostly because they grew intertwined. It was also a place of ancient stone inscriptions, among which there was a masterpiece carved with “Good fortune” and “longevity” by Mr. Xiyi.

There are several ways that sentence about the trees could be worded - that was how I would say it. "In joint hands" does not work.

When it came to Mr. Xiyi, what sprang to mind particularly was the Yuquan Fountain Court. (Yuquan literally means, "the spring water is as crystal as jade"). It was at the foot of Hua Mountain that lay the court, where Xiyi died his Taoist death when his last day came.

I would normally rephrase this in fewer words. However, it's MEANT to be a poetic description. I like the way you phrased it.

Then what came into my mind was a small cave, in which a large image of Mr. Xiyi was laid lying on his side on a stone bed. The stone bed and the sculpture was built half immersed in water, with the river formed by the swift stream flowing around. The water was clear and the sands of the riverbed could be seen clearly. There were also red-blue water weeds and a little bamboo grove specially planted around there to slow down the river.

Outside the cave was a square pavilion, with a signboard reading: Lotus Land Pavilion. Beside it stood three huge ancient trees. The bark of the trees cracked with deep black grooves as if filled with charcoal. Their leaves looked like those of the locust trees but were deeper in color. I have no idea what their names were, but I remember the locals called them Lotus Land trees.

I hope that helps.

EDITED to add:
FounDit's post wasn't there when I started writing mine . . .

And, thanks Sarrriesfan.
All corrected now - yes, funny who that happens!
Sarrriesfan
Posted: Sunday, February 9, 2020 12:46:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/30/2016
Posts: 1,797
Neurons: 11,521
Location: Luton, England, United Kingdom
Quote:

In the courtyard of the temple stood locust trees dating back to the Qin Dynasty and cypress trees growing from the Han Dynasty. Many of them were so big that three or four adults couldn't joint hands around them


Shouldn’t that be join hands around them rather than joint Drago?
Perhaps it was a typo I know who easily they happen.
zhonglc2020
Posted: Sunday, February 9, 2020 10:01:49 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/7/2019
Posts: 201
Neurons: 2,430
Thank you all, my dear teachers! Angel
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