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Some bad jokes Options
coag
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2020 12:05:48 AM

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1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

2. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!

3. There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.

4. If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.

5. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.

6. I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.

7. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

8. Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.

9. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An in-vest-igator.

10. A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

11. Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
Because they’re dead.

12. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

13. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”

14. What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison!

15. What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.

16. What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
“Oops!”

17. Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

18. What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear.

19. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.

20. Wife: “How do I look?”
Husband: “With your eyes.” (Now that’s a dad joke if we ever heard one.)

21. Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.

22. What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!

Source: Reader's Digest
Rosacrvx
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2020 2:55:56 AM
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18. What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear.


Sorry, I don't get this one. Why is the polar bear dumb? Because a polar bear shouldn't be in the jungle? (But that's not funny.)
coag
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2020 1:12:17 PM

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Rosacrvx wrote:
18. What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear.


Sorry, I don't get this one. Why is the polar bear dumb? Because a polar bear shouldn't be in the jungle? (But that's not funny.)

Hello Rosacrvx,

These jokes may not be funny to some people, that's why they are called bad jokes. Other terms, that I've seen, for this kind of jokes are: dad jokes, lame jokes, and corny jokes. I saw on the Internet that some people call them anti-jokes, too.
thar
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2020 1:25:28 PM

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He is really, really lost!



Took me while to get the European!

The 'worse' a pun is, the better it is. That is how it works!
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2020 4:40:17 PM

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I don’t understand 4.
Is there Anybody who can be bothered to help me with it?
coag
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2020 5:30:50 PM

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Whoever you are, an American or anyone else, one of the things that you do in the bathroom is: you're peein'. Depending on your pronunciation, you're peein' may sound as European.

Please, pardon my French.
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2020 5:57:43 PM

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I see. You are peeing becomes European. That is what I do every three hours.
Thank you,Coag.
coag
Posted: Saturday, January 25, 2020 5:12:50 PM

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I think, the following joke fits into this thread. The joke was posted by jacobusmaximus in the thread
I don't understand this joke. I copy the complete post here.

A joke I have never understood:
Two alligators lying at the side of a swamp: One turns to the other and says, "I keep thinking this is Thursday".
Is that funny?


I like this joke, that's why I remember it. I like it because I sometimes say something similar or I have to ask people around me: "What day (or date) is it today?". But why would alligators care about the day of the week? They are enjoying themselves lying in the swamp.
thar
Posted: Saturday, January 25, 2020 5:48:30 PM

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Also, if you say it old style 'you're a-peein' it works better.


I can see why you don't like it if you try with you are peeing.

It needs the a- (as in The Twelve Days of Christmas)
Ashwin Joshi
Posted: Friday, January 31, 2020 1:12:35 AM

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Bad jokes..by no stretch.Lovely and enjoyable...enjoying 4th now after getting the explanation.

More so on learning that FROSTY X RIME turns European 8 times in 24 hours.Dancing Dancing Dancing
Arianna Ashley
Posted: Thursday, February 13, 2020 6:46:24 AM

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I don't get #3 d'oh! Anxious
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Thursday, February 13, 2020 7:41:19 AM

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Arianna Ashley wrote:
I don't get #3 d'oh! Anxious


A person who read/made up the no.3 joke can not count because there are only two types of people; one who can count and the other who can not count.
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Thursday, February 13, 2020 9:12:50 AM

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What's the difference between a duck?
cythuman
Posted: Thursday, February 13, 2020 10:11:17 AM

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What makes 99 times 'tic' and once, 'toc'?
- A centipede with a wooden leg.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Friday, February 14, 2020 9:20:38 PM

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cythuman wrote:
What makes 99 times 'tic' and once, 'toc'?
- A centipede with a wooden leg.


d'oh!
Ashwin Joshi
Posted: Thursday, February 20, 2020 9:39:47 AM

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DragOnspeaker responded
d'oh!

cythuman wrote:
What makes 99 times 'tic' and once, 'toc'?
- A centipede with a wooden leg.

A centipede with one wooden leg (that tocs) and 99 normal fleshy.
FounDit
Posted: Thursday, February 20, 2020 11:19:49 AM

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And now for some that had me ROTFLMAO:


How do court stenographers keep a straight face?
These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. I think all were from the law firm of Dewey, Screwem & Howell.
__________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
__________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
__________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
__________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
__________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) wasAugust 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
__________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
__________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
__________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance herethis morningpursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
__________

ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
__________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Islami
Posted: Saturday, February 22, 2020 11:28:56 AM
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An honest lawyer is like an Unidentified Flying object.



thar
Posted: Saturday, February 22, 2020 11:36:18 AM

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FROSTY X RIME wrote:
Arianna Ashley wrote:
I don't get #3 d'oh! Anxious


A person who read/made up the no.3 joke can not count because there are only two types of people; one who can count and the other who can not count.



There is another version of this.

There are 10 types of people in this world. People who think in binary and people who don't.
Ashwin Joshi
Posted: Saturday, February 22, 2020 12:34:57 PM

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Those who don't think of binary are 11th type.IMO.
coag
Posted: Saturday, February 22, 2020 8:12:58 PM

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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Rosacrvx
Posted: Sunday, March 1, 2020 6:04:40 PM
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A not very good joke:

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench, they're all hard of hearing.
The first one says "Boy, it sure is windy!"
The second one says "No it's not, it's Thursday!"
The third says "So am I, lets go across the street and get a drink!"

Rosacrvx
Posted: Friday, June 12, 2020 8:08:28 AM
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There once was a young man from Yuma,
Who told an elephant joke to a puma.
Now his dead body lies,
Under hot Asian skies,
'Cause the puma had no sense of huma.
Hope123
Posted: Friday, June 12, 2020 9:07:28 AM

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Rosacrvx wrote:
There once was a young man from Yuma,
Who told an elephant joke to a puma.
Now his dead body lies,
Under hot Asian skies,
'Cause the puma had no sense of huma.


Applause Applause Applause
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, June 17, 2020 6:46:02 PM

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Ah! The elephant jokes - popular when I was at university.

How does an elephant hide in a cherry tree?
Paints her toe-nails pink.

What do you call an elephant which can fly?
A propelliphant.

How do you raise a baby elephant?
With a crane.

Why did the elephant run away from the circus?
She was tired of working for peanuts.

Why is an elephant like a banana?
They're both yellow - except the elephant.

Etc.
gratiba5
Posted: Wednesday, July 29, 2020 11:31:55 PM
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These are not bad jokes, looking like very very bad jokes LOL.... because we can't even understand the meaning for single one too.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, August 2, 2020 1:04:00 AM

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Jyrkkä Jätkä wrote:
What's the difference between a duck?

One leg's both the same.
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Tuesday, August 4, 2020 4:32:55 AM

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Drag0nspeaker wrote:
Jyrkkä Jätkä wrote:
What's the difference between a duck?

One leg's both the same.


It swims better than walks.
Romany
Posted: Tuesday, August 4, 2020 9:00:15 AM
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Ha!

As soon as I saw the title of the thread I thought: "Oh look! A thread just for JJ!!Dancing Dancing !"

G'day, mate. Good to see you managed to tear yourself away from the sauna/beer combo to pop in. All the best to you and yours.
Rom.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Tuesday, August 4, 2020 11:29:37 AM

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Three old guys talking. One says, "I would like to think that in 50 years time my great-grandson will say I was kind".
The second old guy says, "I hope that in 50 years time my great-grandson will say I was generous and thoughtful".
The third says, "I hope in 50 years time my great-grandson will say I am looking good for my age".
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