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Please, check the improved sentenses, the order of words Options
nightdream
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2019 6:14:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 1,474
Neurons: 4,384
I have improved the sentenses but I still have some doubts about the order of some words ("around their necks" and "with a cord"). Is everything all right?


1) - If you think I will abandon you, let’s tie ourselves together not to be apart at all and go, - and they tied themselves together around their necks with a cord and came. Or


- If you think I will abandon you, let’s tie ourselves together not to be apart at all and go, - and they tied themselves together with a cord around their necks and came.


What about "tied around his neck" and "began" to be strangled":

Then, his friend, tied around his neck, fell backwards and began to be dragged along behind him, getting his feet mixed up. His friend began to be strangled.




2) - You will abandon me and run away. Let’s tie ourselves together with a cord for reliability. – He said. His friend agreed and they tied themselves together around their necks with a cord. Or


- You will abandon me and run away. Let’s tie ourselves together with a cord for reliability. – He said. His friend agreed and they tied themselves together with a cord around their necks.


What about "began" to be strangled with the cord":

Then, his friend was frightened and ran. He got tired from running for so long and his friend began to be dragged along behind him. His friend began to be strangled with the cord, his consciousness got dim.

chris62
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2019 7:32:18 AM

Rank: Newbie

Joined: 12/16/2018
Posts: 24
Neurons: 93,019
Location: Köln, North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany
The word order "with a cord around their necks" seems okay to me. But the version in which "the cord" appears second does not really make a big difference, if at all.

Instead of "began" - especially since it it used two times, I would rather use "started". Or change completely into sth.like: ... which in consequence meant that his friend was dragged behind him...
But this is just personal taste.
Hope I could help a little.
Chris62
nightdream
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2019 8:28:22 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 1,474
Neurons: 4,384
Thank you.


chris62 wrote:
The word order "with a cord around their necks" seems okay to me. But the version in which "the cord" appears second does not really make a big difference, if at all.

Instead of "began" - especially since it it used two times, I would rather use "started". Or change completely into sth.like: ... which in consequence meant that his friend was dragged behind him...
But this is just personal taste.
Hope I could help a little.
Chris62
BobShilling
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2019 12:06:22 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/1/2018
Posts: 1,599
Neurons: 8,862
Location: Beroun, Stredocesky, Czech Republic
Yet another thread on the same sentences,

This is getting extremely tedious.
nightdream
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2019 12:07:35 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 1,474
Neurons: 4,384
Now I have some doubts about "let's tie ourselves together" and "they tied themselves together".

Should it be replaced by "let's tie us together" and "they tied them together"?



chris62 wrote:
The word order "with a cord around their necks" seems okay to me. But the version in which "the cord" appears second does not really make a big difference, if at all.

Instead of "began" - especially since it it used two times, I would rather use "started". Or change completely into sth.like: ... which in consequence meant that his friend was dragged behind him...
But this is just personal taste.
Hope I could help a little.
Chris62
georgew
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2019 10:30:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/13/2016
Posts: 449
Neurons: 2,694
Location: Calabasas, California, United States
nightdream wrote:
I have improved the sentenses but I still have some doubts ...


NO. You continue to misspell SENTENCES. Why do you repeatedly ignore the advice members here have been trying to give you?
nightdream
Posted: Thursday, July 25, 2019 7:35:34 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/20/2015
Posts: 1,474
Neurons: 4,384
What can you say about the order of words in the sentences and use of "ourselves" and "themselves"?


BobShilling wrote:
Yet another thread on the same sentences,

This is getting extremely tedious.
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