|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,309
Neurons: 6,746
|
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?
Short summary
A man organizes a bungee jumping session for his three adrenaline-loving nephews. Amidst activity, however, the bungee rope snaps off. What happens exactly? Will they survive?
Long Summary
Johan, Syafiq and Zed are left orphaned after the unexpected death of their parents in a car accident. As these three brothers love their rugged activities, their uncle, Razak has organized bungee jumping activity for them and give his old bungee jump cord. He altered the ropes in hope that they will jump to their death. Why their uncle planning for their death? What his real mission behind this cruel plan?
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 7/21/2017
Posts: 195
Neurons: 1,152
|
Long Summary
Johan, Syafiq and Zed are left orphaned after the unexpected death of their parents in a car accident. As these three brothers love their rugged activities, their uncle, Razak has organized bungee jumping activity for them and give his old bungee jump cord. He altered the ropes in hope that they will jump to their death. Why their uncle planning for their death? What his real mission behind this cruel plan?
Long Summary
Johan, Syafiq and Zed are left orphaned after the untimely death of their parents in a car accident. As these three brothers love their rugged activities, their uncle, Razak has organized bungee jumping activity for them and gave his old bungee jump cord. He altered the ropes in the hope that they will jump to their death. Why their uncle was planning for their death? What his real mission behind this cruel plan was? IMO
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,309
Neurons: 6,746
|
Thank you for correcting Islami.
But it has to be in present tense. Do you find any issue with the sentence structure?
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 14,951
Neurons: 71,481
|
Amybal wrote:Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentences?
My suggestions:
Short summary
A man organizes a bungee jumping session for his three adrenaline-loving nephews. Amidst the activity, however, the bungee cord snaps. What happens exactly? Will they survive?
Long Summary
Johan, Syafiq and Zed are left orphaned after the unexpected death of their parents in a car accident. As these three brothers love their rugged activities, their uncle, Razak, organizes a bungee jumping activity for them and gives them his old bungee jump cords, unaware that he has altered them, in the hope that they will jump to their deaths. Why did their uncle plan for their deaths? What is his real mission behind this cruel plan?
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 11/30/2012
Posts: 417
Neurons: 28,497
|
Hi FounDit
I don't quite understand the function of "unaware" in the sentence that you amended. Who is unaware? The boys? The uncle has done that deliberately in order to see them die. Am I right?
Maybe I don't understand the meaning of "unaware that" in this case.
Could you please clarify it?
Thanks so much in advance.
AndEng
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 14,951
Neurons: 71,481
|
AndEng wrote:Hi FounDit
I don't quite understand the function of "unaware" in the sentence that you amended. Who is unaware? The boys? The uncle has done that deliberately in order to see them die. Am I right?
Maybe I don't understand the meaning of "unaware that" in this case.
Could you please clarify it?
Thanks so much in advance.
AndEng Yes, I can see why this may be confusing for some. You are correct that it is the boys who are unaware. A native speaker probably wouldn't have any trouble with it because of the pronouns. There are three boys, and they love rugged activities.
They have an uncle, and he gave them bungee cords. However, he altered the cords, so they might die. They are unaware of his plan.
So wherever you see a plural pronoun, it refers to the boys, and wherever you see a singular pronoun, it refers to the uncle.
But to make it more clear, I'll rewrite it.
Long Summary
Johan, Syafiq and Zed are left orphaned after the unexpected death of their parents in a car accident. These three brothers love their rugged activities. Their uncle, Razak, organizes a bungee jumping activity for them and gives them his old bungee jump cords, which he has secretly damaged. He is hoping that they will jump to their deaths. The boys are unaware of Razak's wish to kill them. Why did their uncle plan for their deaths? What is his real mission behind this cruel plan?
|
|
|
Guest |