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anton-Юрий
Posted: Sunday, May 30, 2021 12:20:20 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Drag0nspeaker wrote:
Q- How was the injection, then?

A- She said it was massive.





Q- What did your sister say about the night she and I spent recently?


A- Serves them right.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, June 6, 2021 6:27:34 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Serves them left, serves them centre, and ...?

A: I think it was that one over there.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, June 6, 2021 7:07:42 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,541
Neurons: 246,934
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Which tennis player served the most aces?

A - Dealer takes all!
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Wednesday, June 9, 2021 11:28:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What's the title of that novel by William Kemble that you're reading?

A: I thought it didn't matter one way or the other.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2021 7:26:19 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Jennifer prefers it the usual way, so why?


A- I've been pregnant since yesterday 11:04 pm.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2021 6:47:01 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: He left here yesterday at 10:57pm — did he go to your place next?

A: It's simply magnificent!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Wednesday, June 16, 2021 6:18:25 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- This is my brand new clay sculpture, "Dejections of Light". What do you think about it?


A- That's called 'crotch-lift' by plastic surgeons.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Saturday, July 10, 2021 7:40:49 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,541
Neurons: 246,934
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - What's the most unusual cosmetic surgery you've heard of?

A - It turns everything blue!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Sunday, July 11, 2021 5:18:26 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- OK, you're saying you slept with a smurf last night, so what?


A- I'm Laïka's son too.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, July 11, 2021 9:24:26 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,541
Neurons: 246,934
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Why did he call you a son of a bitch?

A - I remember Sputnik. Beep-beep, beep-beep.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Monday, July 12, 2021 4:23:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Good, you survived yesterday's past-life regression... What do you recall?


A- 1) My wife wants to get pregnant 2) I'm infertile 3) My friends want to help: you do the math.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Saturday, July 17, 2021 11:00:21 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,967
Neurons: 101,784
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: So what did the gypsy see in the crystal ball and what was your reaction?


A: I wish you'd follow the instructions.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Saturday, July 17, 2021 11:35:46 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q: The prescription says: "Take the red pill or take the blue pill". What if I take them both all at once?




A: I'm scared of mice yet I can lead a war.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Tuesday, July 20, 2021 12:29:00 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,541
Neurons: 246,934
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Q - Can you help with my Logic homework? I need an example of incongruent facts.

A - Mice are really aliens here to study Mankind.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Tuesday, July 20, 2021 5:11:46 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Nobody "out there" cares about Earthlings, right?


A- OMG, you definitely don't look good in that dress :O
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, July 20, 2021 6:37:34 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What do you think of this photo of me on the day I became a priest?

A: That sounds ridiculous, but I can just about believe it.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Tuesday, July 20, 2021 8:40:29 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- This morning, I met a Martian at the mall, we enjoyed our conversation then he flew to Venus: that's nothing really out of the ordinary, right?


A- Indeed, I had to face many unpleasant remarks but I managed to turn them all into blessings in disguise.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, July 22, 2021 8:44:16 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What happened after you forgot the President's name in your welcoming speech?

A: I said MUSTARD, not CUSTARD!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Thursday, July 22, 2021 9:46:22 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Will you have custard right into your face, Sir?


A- Oh my god, it looks like an elephant defecated on you :O
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 6:35:33 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I had a slight accident loading a bag of manure onto my truck — is it very obvious?

A: That is definitely not going to happen anytime soon.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2021 7:08:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q: Daddy, would you agree my brand new girlfriend sleeping over?


A: I should have told you she was the touchiest being in this universe.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Friday, July 30, 2021 12:48:01 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,541
Neurons: 246,934
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - I only asked if she was size sixteen or eighteen - why did she hit me?

A - Because life's like that.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Friday, July 30, 2021 10:04:51 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- The law of the fittest rules with world: why?


A- She reminds me of the horrifying creature who killed me in my previous life.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Friday, July 30, 2021 8:41:59 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,541
Neurons: 246,934
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Why do you always seem to get ill when your mother-in-law visits?

A - Her cooking!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Friday, July 30, 2021 10:07:21 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Why do you say her cocking is outstanding?


A- Oh my goodness, I though you were alive.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Monday, August 2, 2021 6:52:22 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Why have you cancelled my funeral?

A: I can't hear anything.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Monday, August 2, 2021 7:35:50 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- I'm breaking up with you. What are you going to do?


A- No, Elisabeth is my 32-year-old goldfish.
cythuman
Posted: Tuesday, August 3, 2021 10:23:00 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 380
Neurons: 394,426
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: According to your own diary, you locked Elizabeth into a small confined space for 30 years. Do you plead guilty?


A: O treacherous Archibald, will you at least cry for me when I leave?
anton-Юрий
Posted: Tuesday, August 3, 2021 2:41:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- I didn't even shed a tear when my whole family and my People got slaughtered before my eyes. So what's next?


A- I don't exist, I'm just an illusion, forget me, go away.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, August 3, 2021 6:30:42 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I've been meaning to ask you why... Hey! Where have you gone?

A: That's all very well, but it won't get dinner made.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Tuesday, August 3, 2021 7:59:28 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Today I got a like from Joe Biden Himself on Facebook, then I got retweeted by Elon Musk Himself on Twitter: that's been quite a productive day, right?


A- I'm warning you: Dave, my impulsive Rottweiler, does not like you.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Wednesday, August 4, 2021 6:58:01 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 488
Neurons: 6,654
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: That's a nice looking dog you have: can I give him a cuddle?

A: Encore! Encore!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Thursday, August 5, 2021 1:21:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- This has been The Story Of My Life In One Minute by me: did you enjoy it, Folks?


A- That's not what Jennifer told me...
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Monday, August 16, 2021 9:10:49 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,541
Neurons: 246,934
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q. Go on, talk to her, don't you think she likes you?

A. A giggle of schoolgirls.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Tuesday, August 17, 2021 12:33:53 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 21,772
Neurons: 72,113
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Drag0n, what does your laughter typically sound like?


A- If you can't tell, you don't need to know.
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