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Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, April 4, 2021 6:39:58 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: That's my sister up in the gallery — why won't she come down?

A: I will if you will.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, April 4, 2021 7:23:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,277
Neurons: 241,541
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Q. Have you ever thought of extreme mountain para-gliding?

A. Suicidal!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Monday, April 5, 2021 4:18:53 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- She swallowed a whole pound of aspirin effervescent tablets with the content of a big can of beer. Have you got any idea why she did that?


A- Beetlejuice... Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!!!
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, April 6, 2021 2:30:21 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What's the name of that big bright reddish star in Orion?

A: I refused at first but they talked me into it.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Tuesday, April 6, 2021 8:34:09 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- So, finally, you played the role of the Emperor of the Donuts at the party last weekend?


A- Good Lords, don't EVER tell her or I turn you into human ratatouille.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, April 6, 2021 8:31:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Didn't you say her ratatouille tasted like dirty wet rags?


A: I don't think we're going to get there anytime soon.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Thursday, April 8, 2021 10:40:40 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Good Lords! There's a town named "Satan" in Texas, 23 miles away from us now: shall we go there?

A- Sorry, I am not the biological father of none of your triplets.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Friday, April 9, 2021 11:10:32 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,277
Neurons: 241,541
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Hey, Anton, can you give me a true example of a double negative?

A - A wee, cowerin', timorous beastie.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Friday, April 9, 2021 3:24:35 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- How many dozens of beers have you drunk so far this evening, Drag0n?


(Geezes, am I going to try a TRIPLE negative? :D)

A- Sorry but I am the biological father of none of your triplets.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Saturday, April 10, 2021 3:51:57 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Are you the biological father of half of my triplets?

A: This will take some sorting out!
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, April 11, 2021 9:45:03 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,277
Neurons: 241,541
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Does that mean what I think it means?

No way am I not the father of none of your triplets! Anxious
cythuman
Posted: Monday, April 12, 2021 4:10:22 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 339,022
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Am I mistaken that you refuse to deny that you had nothing to do with fathering none of my triplets?


A: I will have to ponder my answer very carefully.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Monday, April 12, 2021 8:22:08 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Will you marry me if I let any of my quadruplets be the fathers of your twins?


A- Every weekend except Tuesdays.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Monday, April 12, 2021 6:08:00 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I'd like to come next weekend, preferably on Tuesday — will that suit?

A: Gosh, that was quick!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Monday, April 12, 2021 7:53:07 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- I met her last week, we got married 3 days ago and she's been pregnant since last night: time is money, right?


A- They mistook me for Jennifer AGAIN!
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, April 15, 2021 9:20:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Why do my friends keep calling you JLo?

A: It didn't work then, and it won't work now.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2021 5:52:44 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Do not threat me or I push the End Of The World Button once again and, this time, it'll blow this whole planet. Do you get it???


A- Head transplants do work but not in a simplistic way.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2021 8:19:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q - If I get a head transplant, will it stop my glasses from slipping off?

A - Only by the dozen.

anton-Юрий
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2021 1:12:46 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- What's the best way to buy exomoons?


A- YOU!
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2021 3:55:25 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,946
Neurons: 101,347
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q; DID YOU FIGURE OUT WHO IT WAS TRYING TO DUPE YOU?


a: All the kites seemed broken
anton-Юрий
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2021 7:44:33 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- How come I couldn't get any kite in the US last week?


A- She's the incarnation of Blaspheme.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2021 1:04:30 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Sorry, I previously typed a gallicism (we say "blasphème" in French)



Q- How come I couldn't get any kite in the US last week?


A- She's the incarnation of Blasphemy.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2021 3:34:33 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I'd like you to meet my friend Murasaki: did you know that she is a direct descendant of Jesus Christ from the time he spent in Japan after escaping the crucifixion?

A: Well, it would be hard not to notice.

anton-Юрий
Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2021 6:14:11 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Geezes, my zipper is broken and I can't close it. Nobody will pay attention, right?


A- Size does matter.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, April 22, 2021 11:56:37 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,277
Neurons: 241,541
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Q - Why is he complaining? He bought me a beer and I bought him one!

A - It's sold in litres here.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, April 23, 2021 6:37:54 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Can I please have five milligrams of bat's blood for a sp-- I mean, recipe?

A: Lucky if you can find one around here.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Saturday, April 24, 2021 12:14:27 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- I like this party! I want to date a two-headed gorgeous woman here. Is that too much asking?


A- You're so chiral... *sighs*
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Saturday, April 24, 2021 9:33:41 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Can't you see any interesting distinctions between my left and right sides?


A: All done and dusted.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Wednesday, April 28, 2021 1:53:49 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,946
Neurons: 101,347
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: Have you sorted out all the mess from your granfather's garbled will?


A: He reminds me of Harry Potter...
anton-Юрий
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2021 7:35:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- So you met my CEO in person yesterday? What do you think about him?


A- Never say never.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2021 8:25:38 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Why am I not allowed to translate 'jamais' into English?

A: I've never seen her before in my life.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2021 9:37:43 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Have you ever seen her before, her after or her during?


A- Geezes, it's bad hair day for you today.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2021 6:50:28 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I tossed and turned all night — does it show?

A: Just think about it for a while.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2021 8:12:59 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,277
Neurons: 241,541
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Why does Clyde never answer questions about Africa?

A - It's near Tasmania, I think.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, April 30, 2021 6:43:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Where the blazes is Madagascar, anyway?

A: Wonders will never cease.
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