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Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, February 16, 2021 1:36:38 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Today for the first time I had to duck to get through my front door: does this tell you anything?


A: That's much too far to go for a hamburger.
cythuman
Posted: Wednesday, February 17, 2021 4:53:27 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 338,569
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Did you know that you would have to travel at the speed of light for more than four years to reach the nearest star?


A: I wish you had told me sooner.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, February 18, 2021 12:07:14 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Were you aware that the town we passed through half an hour ago was the last chance to get petrol for over 400 km?


A: Go there if you like: see if I care.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Thursday, February 18, 2021 1:54:25 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,946
Neurons: 101,347
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: Why don't we all travel to the South Pole on bicycles?


A: Oh so much hot air...
cythuman
Posted: Thursday, February 18, 2021 5:15:46 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 338,569
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Don't you believe that my new hydrogen-powered hairdryer has all the potential to revert climate change?


A: Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, February 19, 2021 4:18:34 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Are you sure that pushing that thing forwards will make the plane climb?


A: That is one thing we are all in agreement about!
cythuman
Posted: Friday, February 19, 2021 5:12:22 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 338,569
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Perhaps I should have asked the natives whether this water hole in the desert still exists?


A: I've never heard about any crocodiles in this swamp.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, February 21, 2021 11:29:20 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Did you know that all the crocodiles in this swamp are actually undercover agents?


A: Well, I wasn't expecting that!
cythuman
Posted: Monday, February 22, 2021 2:54:55 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 338,569
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Have you see your photo on the TIME magazine cover as Undercover Agent of the Year?


A: Too hot by day, too cold at night.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, February 25, 2021 4:15:56 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I've signed up for one of the first excursions to Mercury: are you coming?


A: Wonders will never cease!
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, February 25, 2021 8:21:25 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,277
Neurons: 241,541
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - I heard a rumour that a politician told the truth last week, could you believe it?

A - As much chance as the devil needing a parka.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Saturday, February 27, 2021 1:55:44 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I'm thinking of leaping the Grand Canyon using a rocket-assisted skateboard — think I'll make it?


A: That option, I'm afraid, is no longer available.
cythuman
Posted: Saturday, February 27, 2021 7:00:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 338,569
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Can’t we just say it was a mistake and we never seriously meant to enroll in this jungle survival contest?


A: I’m afraid this option is no longer available either.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Wednesday, March 3, 2021 1:38:35 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,946
Neurons: 101,347
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: If we can't board the train, nor ride atop it, could we not get underneath and hold onto undercarriage?


A: The dates didn't seem to match on the calendar and in the diary.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Wednesday, March 3, 2021 1:42:43 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Why the f(l)ux are you postponing my appointments???


A- Good Lords, you're the ugliest being of the Universe.
cythuman
Posted: Wednesday, March 3, 2021 5:12:13 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 338,569
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?


A: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Wednesday, March 3, 2021 11:03:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,946
Neurons: 101,347
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: What did she find in that awful looking man?



A: Simple solutions are seldom the best.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Wednesday, March 3, 2021 11:28:54 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Where are ze Noés when we need 'em???


A- I keep Herr Shapiro in direct line with China.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, March 4, 2021 8:58:49 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Who do you keep in what sort of line with where?


A: How boring!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Friday, March 5, 2021 5:11:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Jennifer, Malika and Sophia are asking me to spend the whole night with them AGAIN: should I stay or should I go?


A- Male, female and ... Gods are having fun at last ♫♪
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, March 7, 2021 4:46:15 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Did that rowdy party up on Mount Olympus keep you awake last night?


A: Please stop doing it: it makes me grind my teeth.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, March 10, 2021 9:40:05 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,277
Neurons: 241,541
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Do you like me playing the bagpipes - do you think I need more practice?

A - Practice makes perfect - eventually!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Thursday, March 11, 2021 6:22:34 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Can you believe my wife, Jennifer, told me this morning she'd spent a wonderful night with me?

A- Good Lords, her baby looks like Oprah Winfrey without makeup! :O
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Friday, March 12, 2021 10:23:18 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,946
Neurons: 101,347
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: Don't you see the mother is looking embarrassed with you staring at the poor child ?


A: Both the knees and the left ankle, actually.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Friday, March 12, 2021 12:04:30 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Please tell me: what's missing in my sculpture project, "KHaeans At Their Best"?


A- She sneezed on purpose again therefore she's dead.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, March 19, 2021 8:09:47 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What is the cause of death listed on the death certificate?


A: TV cameras, distant vistas, and crispy noodles.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Saturday, March 20, 2021 2:25:17 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,946
Neurons: 101,347
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q So what were the circled items on her bucket list?


A The keyboard had all the letters, numbers and symbols erased from wear..
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Saturday, March 20, 2021 9:14:55 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Why did she send me this message: Tfe habdfrt et yjnmg Hij Hiopoi todah?


A: We prefer not to call it that.
cythuman
Posted: Sunday, March 21, 2021 3:44:09 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 338,569
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Don’t you consider it unethical to sell protective masks with a 1000 percent markup?


A: It’s a chance in a lifetime.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Sunday, March 21, 2021 7:22:46 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- I plan to hug my two favo(u)rite Presidents this year in Eurasia: what's your take on that?


A- I am not your father and I'll most likely never be your father!
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, March 21, 2021 1:31:13 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,277
Neurons: 241,541
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
^^^^^^^^^^ You changed your name Yuriy! ^^^^^^^^^^^

Q. Is it true you're planning to marry my mother?

A. I'm not sure of the relationship, but it wouldn't be consanguine.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Sunday, March 21, 2021 2:57:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- What kind of offspring can a mare and a cow give birth to, both together?


A- Good Lords, you're so bright I cannot even stare at you!
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2021 10:20:07 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 442
Neurons: 6,362
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Is it obvious that a can of fluorescent paint tipped over on me?

A: I will only say that a certain person thought it was funny.
cythuman
Posted: Wednesday, March 31, 2021 9:00:16 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 355
Neurons: 338,569
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Was it very painful when you fell off the ladder?


A: I'm not an alco - alcoholic, I'm a con - conna - connaiss - sseur!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Wednesday, March 31, 2021 12:19:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,924
Neurons: 69,877
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- You're not even able to spell 'connoisseur' correctly. Are you drunk or are you French?


A- Geezes... She's the hottest woman in this galaxy and she doesn't even want to come close to me :/
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