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Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, October 6, 2020 3:00:47 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Have you noticed I've just solved the mystery of the universe?


A: No not that! Definitely not that! Never!




cythuman
Posted: Wednesday, October 7, 2020 2:52:24 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 289
Neurons: 197,547
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Have you tasted the stinky tofu flavoured ice cream yet?


A: That's nothing! I've sold a round-the-world ticket to the chairman of the Flat-Earth Society.
anton exobio
Posted: Thursday, October 8, 2020 6:21:55 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- I'm quite impressed... You've just managed to sell a drag queen outfit to my 93-year-old great-grandfather: how did you do that?


A- I don't want us to be seen together.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, October 8, 2020 5:49:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Why won't you take your 93-year-old great-grandfather in drag to the supermarket?


A: I wish you'd stop asking me that.
anton exobio
Posted: Wednesday, October 14, 2020 10:58:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Tell me the truth this time: are you my biological mother, yes or no?


A- I can see their little game.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, October 16, 2020 1:34:42 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Bring a magnifying glass! Can you see the ants playing soccer?


A: That must have hurt!
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, October 16, 2020 3:43:14 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- OMG! As I was fixing my hair extensions, one of my expensively manicured fingernails broke and ploughed my scalp: what should I do now?


A- I did it my way ♫♪
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Saturday, October 17, 2020 2:27:51 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,786
Neurons: 98,120
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: Which Sinatra number were they demanding?


A: Just below the statue of the General.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, October 21, 2020 12:37:24 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 34,574
Neurons: 230,526
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Where
was the statue of the horse?

A viral pandemic wiped out the whole race.
anton exobio
Posted: Wednesday, October 21, 2020 5:35:32 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- You look tormented... What did you dream about last night?


A- Red berry flavoured beers, gin and sometimes cider. Rarely wine.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Wednesday, October 21, 2020 5:52:21 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What does your cat most like to drink?


A: I'd say that is a proper hat.

Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, October 21, 2020 11:35:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 34,574
Neurons: 230,526
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q. Did you see that woman at Ascot wearing a plate of fish & chips on her head?

A. I'd rather eat it.
anton exobio
Posted: Thursday, October 22, 2020 9:24:33 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Can't you see she's showing you her heart?


A- She looks like an 85-year-old Britney Spears.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2020 2:34:56 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Don't you agree my mother aged gracefully?

A: I don't really think I should do that.
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, October 23, 2020 1:09:00 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Can't you see it's time to turn yourself inside out like a sock?


A- I really want to unlearn English each time I hear you speak.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Saturday, October 24, 2020 5:49:07 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Ach so, you do not like my sick Zherman accent?


A: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
cythuman
Posted: Sunday, October 25, 2020 8:10:33 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 289
Neurons: 197,547
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: What do you think of the claim that you will not die young if you eat a bulb of garlic a day until you are old?


A: It shows how firmly they believe in it.
anton exobio
Posted: Sunday, October 25, 2020 12:10:53 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Those cult members believe they can feed on light only, to the point they even fart light: isn't that crazy?


A- I asked them to stop pretending to be me.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, October 25, 2020 8:20:48 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What did you say to all your reflections in the mirror maze?


A: You could try it, I suppose, but be very careful!
anton exobio
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2020 7:56:11 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Shhh... My girlfriend is standing at the cliff edge. What if I pinch her then propose her immediately after?


A- Just consider every Earthling equally smart then favor the interactions with the ones you have more affinities with.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Thursday, October 29, 2020 2:39:46 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: So many Earthlings; so many interactions; how can I keep track of them?


A: I know what I'm doing: just copy me.
cythuman
Posted: Thursday, October 29, 2020 11:47:21 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 289
Neurons: 197,547
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: Are you sure this map of landmines around the treasure location is quite complete?


A: I'll join you again in a few minutes.
anton exobio
Posted: Thursday, October 29, 2020 4:21:22 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Hey Superman, you forgot to change your clothes back to your civil ones. Are you alright?


A- Quit smoking, Jennifer. You sound like Barry White.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Saturday, October 31, 2020 1:16:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 34,574
Neurons: 230,526
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Q What did you think of my demo? Should I put it on YouTube?

A I prefer Clannad.
cythuman
Posted: Saturday, October 31, 2020 12:14:42 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 289
Neurons: 197,547
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: How do you like The Stolen Child by the Waterboys?


A: I cannot blame people getting upset about this.
anton exobio
Posted: Monday, November 2, 2020 10:17:57 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- I've just publicly mocked that group of Trump fans and now some of them are about to punch me in the face: will people eventually accept trolls one day??


A- They go haywire.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Tuesday, November 3, 2020 11:42:07 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 34,574
Neurons: 230,526
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Q What happens when you insist on people obeying two exactly opposite orders?

A Roast beef with horseradish.
cythuman
Posted: Wednesday, November 4, 2020 3:19:34 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 289
Neurons: 197,547
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: I'm afraid all we have left today is roast beef with seaweed jello, or suet pudding with horseradish. What do you fancy, sir?

A: I remember getting sick from that before.
anton exobio
Posted: Wednesday, November 4, 2020 4:04:14 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- That woman online did a declaration of love to me last evening and now I realize I've become allergic to online love. Can you relate?


A- That's because you've just stepped into a canine dejection.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Wednesday, November 4, 2020 4:42:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Do you detect a subtle change in the atmosphere?


A: It came to me quite suddenly.
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, November 6, 2020 6:04:09 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Do you realize your idea is brilliant?


A- Ouh là là... That's because I'm French, that's all!
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Saturday, November 7, 2020 4:44:25 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
How did you react to this photo of Thylane Blondeau?

Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, November 8, 2020 2:04:54 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 312
Neurons: 5,422
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

A: I got distracted.
anton exobio
Posted: Sunday, November 8, 2020 6:36:24 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,101
Neurons: 66,806
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- So I introduced you to my wife then you turned your back: what happened?


A- It's because you suggested she had plastic surgery especially on her whole face.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, November 8, 2020 7:34:30 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 34,574
Neurons: 230,526
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Q - Why did she get upset when I complimented her on her looks?

A - It's the tone of voice, I suppose.
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