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Why Is Female Sensuality Frowned Upon? Options
HWNN1961
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 9:42:07 AM
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Denizens of the Forum,

This topic is in no way meant to be purile or titillating. It's something that has bothered me over time, and a recent conversation with some work friends brings me to you for your insights and opinions:

The other night, several of us were having a couple beers at a local bar, and one guy was going on about the woman at work that he had been seeing. I won't go into the details, but, she apparently was uninhibited sexually. He complimented her beauty and seemed to like her overall, but, on the topic of sex he kept calling her a "slut". He must have used this word a dozen times. I got to where I had to tune him out. Why the need to demean her? Clearly he was attracted to her, they had chemistry, they made love. It happens. Also, how can he be blind to the overarching hypocrisy of his attitude? She was having sex with HIM after all...so if she's a slut, what is he?

This is common in society: find a rapper that doesn't refer to his "b***hs and "hoes".

I think some of this prejudice against a woman being fulfilled and open sensually goes back to the mores of the Catholic Church, but it is so pervasive, even in these so called "liberated" days.

Your thoughts?
kisholoy mukherjee
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 9:48:48 AM
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Good points. I agree with this. The answer to the question in the title is the same one as to why other gender related differences exist in this male dominated chauvinistic society.
By the way, just curious, does 'she apparently was uninhibited sexually' refer to the woman being unfaithful/polygamist?
JPK
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 9:59:34 AM
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HWNN1961 wrote:
She was having sex with HIM after all...so if she's a slut, what is he?


That's what I was gonna point out. If she was more inhibited, she probably wouldn't have slept with such an ungrateful man. I hate how when a man has numerous conquests, he is an alpha male, but when a woman does, she is an STD-filled whore. Grrr.

I think your topic line is not completely true though. Female sensuality is used a lot in marketing campaigns. But I guess it is just the continuation of the mentality that women should be pretty to look at but shouldn't have a life, dreams or, heaven forbid, a sexual life.
richsap
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 10:20:52 AM
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Ummm... do you have her number?
JPK
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 10:28:54 AM
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richsap wrote:
Ummm... do you have her number?


Applause
Adriaticus
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 10:54:55 AM
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Men having beers at bar use to call some women sluts. But usually those who did not or no longer sleep with them...
gradyone
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 11:20:49 AM

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A survey question was posed to an even number of men and women: If the number of either men or women on the planet was reduced to one, which gender would you prefer it to be? The overwhelming response was men. Regardless of what men call them or what they call each other, women reign supreme. Sisters unite: You've got the power.
Isabella
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 11:41:07 AM
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Hm. I agree that this was such a stupid thing the guy of the story did. And I also agree that prejudgement is very common,because of the basis of "human society" and because of the imposition of the Catholic Church on a HELL lot of people.
Therefore,there is another point in my mind now. If women really wanted to get free of these things,such as prejudice and stupid treatment, they really could. But for this to happen,all the women should be together. However,a lot of women nowadays seem to like the treatment some men offer to them. Or the rappers wouldn't have so many girls chasing them. While some women (as me) fight and try to get rid of this kind of men,others seem to appreciate them. So the engine won't really work.
Brick wall
ringtales
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 12:03:17 PM
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perhaps there is something primal going on that has nothing to do with church
women and men will not call promiscuous men sluts but they will really think of them that way
the idea is not "slut" which is kind of an empty derogatory but "untrustworthy suspect person" no matter how hot or attractive
there is a sense that the behaviour is self disrespecting of the soul therefore suspect
that others are perceived as meat to use for one's gratifications without differentiating the inherrent value of the individual
on a biological/psychological level men need to be more sensitive to this to know who their children are
peterhewett
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 12:16:16 PM
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I think this has nothing to do with the Catholic Church, not that I support it.

Since I was not there and have not seen the parties etc I cannot reach a conclusion or make a judgement, but the question is: Is there such a thing a a slut? Patently there is. It a part of the English language after all, and has been for a long time. What the opposite is to describe a man of similar lifestyle I do not know.

The point about the man having sex with her, and at the same time terming her a slut makes him a hypocrite doesn't it.
Tovarish
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 12:20:28 PM
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It is 2am here so I may not be totally coherent. My thoughts.

Men like to feel they are dominant in all sexual areas. Arousal, frequency, imagination, the list goes on.

It may be religious, but I don't think it really is, more like sexual egos.

If this lady has bettered him, imaginary or real on his part, there could be no other reason for the filthy words about her.

Get over it mate, the fact is some women really do have a higher libedo than some men.

Sore looser!

Oh by the way I have been married to the same man for nearly 40 years.
Ellenrita
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 12:23:31 PM
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It is the old (and weary) Madonna/Whore complex that I always took to be Catholic.
Christine
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 12:57:14 PM
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It's NOT.
richsap
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 1:33:27 PM
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But... DO YOU HAVE HER NUMBER? Eh?

My wife said that she was, by her definition, a slut in her younger days. Fortunately she got over it, I reckon about the same day that we got married... Anxious
Luftmarque
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 1:35:57 PM

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fear
abcxyz
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 2:04:09 PM
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It's a hell lot easier on the conscience if the girl you want to rape is bad or you think she wants it.
It's a disgusting mentality.Sick Sick Sick
Yorker
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 2:07:15 PM
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Some men fear women who openly express their sensuality and are uninhibited sexually, the only guard men have against it is to look down upon these women. In this case, discussing this girl with his work colleagues is all part of this fear. When it comes to sex there is one rule for women and another for men. Men don’t like women who play by their rules – especially if it’s to do with something like casual sex.

No matter what culture, people almost expect men to have numerous partners and indulge in casual sex. I do think men find it easier to detach themselves and allow sex to be just sex, whereas most women feel guilty after casual sex because they bring their emotion into the relationship, even though it may not have been their intention to become too emotionally involved.
QuzySue
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 2:30:36 PM
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I agree Yorker. Most men are scared of the things they do not understand.

Richsap, why would you want her number? If I read correctly you are married. I don't think your wife would appreciate you calling another woman. Sorry just curious.

It is an age old problem that will take women uniting and not taking it anymore. Good luck to us.
man in black
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 3:42:40 PM
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Men usually prefer women who do not fall easily on their arms. The harder the attainability of their sexual goals the more desirous women become, therefore uninhibited females are looked upon as "accessible" for the majority of suitors, and that degree of accessability vanishes the idea of sexual conquest and the uniqueness and reward of men's egos.
QuzySue
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 3:45:42 PM
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Ahh, man in black, so is it an ego thing? You want to be sure no one else has sampled the wares, so to speak. Some women may prefer a man who has not been accessible either. I mean experience can be over rated.
richsap
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 3:47:17 PM
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[quote=QuzySue]Richsap, why would you want her number? If I read correctly you are married. I don't think your wife would appreciate you calling another woman.

You are correct, I am married. My wife appreceiates my sense of humor about such things (i.e. I would not be afraid to have her standing over my shoulder when I'm on the Internet). I don't REALLY want anyone's number, you understand. It is to laugh.

BTW - Does the general populace capitalize the word "Internet" as a recognition of the name of an informal entity, or should the word not be capitalized as it is not a formally recognized person, place or thing?
richsap
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 3:54:10 PM
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Speaking of women and what they do or do not want on a subconcious level, IF you can find it there is a book in existence titled "Nice Guys Don't Get Laid". Highly recommend reading (for guys anyway, makes for interesting reading by the fairer sex also. Reader's Digest version: Women love a challenge when it comes to men, and if you are the atypical "nice guy", the relationship won't last. They tire of being treated like a princess in the long term and will dump you for the "manly man" after they get bored.

I read this book on the advice of a friend after a divorce for which I could not determine the reason, and the light bulb over my head came on and could have lit up the city of New York. My ex was bored as I was too predictable (in a nice way). Makes perfect sense to me now.

CAUTION: Once you are in a relationship, you CAN NOT change from nice guy to macho man - this will be perceived in a negative way. Other than that advice, that bood is THE BIBLE FOR MEN.
man in black
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 3:56:43 PM
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Of course in less civilized societies women behaviours are more censored and limited than in developed countries, but I guess the ancient tribal idea of men being the conquerors and not women is still deeply rooted within the psyche of males.
grammargeek
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 3:58:56 PM
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At the risk of being tarred and feathered, let me toss out another idea. But first, in my preemptive defense, let it be known that I agree with what the other responders have said.

I think a lot of this gets down to the use of the word "slut." The thread, so far, has worked on the presumption that HW's coworker was using the word "slut" in its original and most basic way. Maybe he was. On the other hand, maybe he wasn't. Let me explain.

I know some men who use those kinds of terms, not to demean a woman and speak of her as trash, but to brag that they've found a woman who is eager and creative (not necessarily procreative) in bed. It's like saying, "I have this hot woman with an almost insatiable sexual appetite...and you don't. Na na na na na na! Don't you wish you had what I have?" Of course, the guy sitting next to him may also have a relationship with a woman like that (if he's lucky), but the braggart doesn't know that.

Admittedly, words such as slut, bitch, whore, and the like are not great ones for using in this manner, but I have heard it done multiple times. In that case, the connotation is not that she sleeps around or has bad morals, but that she keeps her man (not "men") very satisfied sexually, and the man is proud and protective of such a catch.

It does seem like there should be some other more appropriate word for that, however.
kisholoy mukherjee
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 4:18:18 PM
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GG wrote: 'In that case, the connotation is not that she sleeps around or has bad morals'

This was my question too about the lady HW mentioned and my question still stands. What is meant by 'uninhibited sexually'?
grammargeek
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 4:45:47 PM
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kisholoy mukherjee wrote:
GG wrote: 'In that case, the connotation is not that she sleeps around or has bad morals'

This was my question too about the lady HW mentioned and my question still stands. What is meant by 'uninhibited sexually'?


willing to try many things with her partner; not hung up on Puritanic mores; doesn't think the missionary position is the be all end all
Investigator
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 4:55:10 PM
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I don't think the difference has so much to do with the Catholic Church. I think it is more primal and comes down to the survival of the species. Think about it. A man can impregnate a woman and move on to the next. A woman is pregnant for 9 months. These morals developed to increase the herd, so to speak, and to take care of the young. As a matter of fact, the Church and its mores probably developed to propagate the survival instincts.

I don't use the word slut but I think GG is right. There are more people who embrace the word in a positive context. For a long time "dame" was also derogatory but it takes a very special woman to be a dame and the word no longer carries that context.

I have always appreciated unihibited women. I like women who are my equal not a door mat.
worldsclyde
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 4:58:43 PM
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I appreciate sexually uninhibited women just because I am lazy. (My wife knows this) Don't go reading into this too deeply.
Yorker
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 6:44:49 PM
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It seems quite acceptable now for men to throw in words such as sluts, slags, hags, dogs, whores and bitches in general conversation. What does sadden me is that this form of verbal misogyny has become absorbed and internalized by women when describing other women. I recently overheard a young girl refer to another as a f....... slut, her friend walking with her, laughed and agreed. Whether the girl in question was a slut is possibly doubtful, it seemed to me to be a just passing comment thrown from one friend to another.

HWNN1961
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 6:53:27 PM
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Uninhibited sexually, in this case, means that she participated in more acts than man-on-top (missionary position). Theuse of the term "slut" applied to this alone. Who she sleeps with and when wasn't part of the conversation, and there are no rumors about her sleeping around.
Tovarish
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 7:36:51 PM
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Before I was married the joke among singles was, men were looking for a girl who was a 'nymphomaniac whose father owned a Pub', their ideal woman.

Does this womans father own a Pub by any chance?

This associate of Hwnn's should have been more careful of what he wished for, ha ha, what a woose!
richsap
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 7:44:07 PM
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Perhaps we need to start a grass roots movement. Hmmm, we need a good organization with a catchy acronym (my specialty). How about People for Everyman's Nympho, the Ideal Slut (or PENIS)? Would you be a PENIS member in support of sluts?
excaelis
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 7:53:08 PM

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I started to write a reasoned and comprehensive response to this thread about twenty minutes ago. Then I deleted it a few times. Some of it was erudite, some was actually quite amusing and the rest was arrant nonsense. Eve got talked into something stupid by a snake ( nudge nudge wink wink say no m-o-o-re ). Adam got talked into something stupid by Eve. What goes around, comes ( nudge nudge wink wink say no m-o-o-re ) around.

Conversation overheard at an ATM in Toronto involving two attractive young women one Saturday night:
" I am s-o-o horny!" " Yeah, if I don't get a cock in my mouth soon I'm gonna burst !"
Hey, waddya know! Some girls are kinda slutty. Dancing
So are some guys. God bless 'em all !
Tovarish
Posted: Wednesday, September 1, 2010 11:16:11 PM
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excaelis, that was a song, wasn't it?

'Bless 'em all, the long and the short and the tall' don't remember the rest, ha ha

Of course there are going to be women who fit the many, many titles.

Round heels, revolving doors, but hay!, if you seek that type out, as your woman of choice, shut up with

your winging and your name calling.

That revolving door goes both ways.
redsxz
Posted: Thursday, September 2, 2010 2:37:42 AM
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True, this thread is all true with whats been said. I usually use it as a way to avoid people. If they speak like retards, then I'll treat them like retards.
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