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My wifes death. Options
pljames
Posted: Wednesday, May 4, 2016 2:40:27 PM
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Joined: 10/12/2013
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Location: Marble, North Carolina, United States
I am emotionally a wreck because of it. I am considering mental health because I am that worried. Will I ever get over it? Curious-Onw
tunaafi
Posted: Wednesday, May 4, 2016 3:37:27 PM

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You loved your wife dearly, and it will take you a long time to be able to learn to live a reasonably happy life without her. This is normal and natural. One of the tragedies of having a loved one is the pain when one loses that loved one.

Try to remember that if you had not had your beloved wife, you would not be feeling the pain now. Try to remember the good times you had with her. Remember, too, that she is now free from pain.
FounDit
Posted: Wednesday, May 4, 2016 3:56:08 PM

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Yes, you will get past it. I know it doesn't seem like that could be true, but it is. When my wife died, people told me that it would get better in time, but it was hard to believe. It is true, however.

Nothing can take away the pain, but it will diminish with time. Try to stay strong, and know that this pain will pass. Life will get better. You just have to be patient, and give it a chance.
L.Rai
Posted: Wednesday, May 4, 2016 7:21:41 PM

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Location: Grover Beach, California, United States
Dear James:

Grief takes many forms, and no one does it the same way. I encourage you to seek a professional grief counselor or someone professional to talk to during this time. Do not isolate yourself, you need to talk and you need to know that what you are feeling is normal. Take your time to grieve, and find healthy ways to express it.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I pray that you will find your way through this. Many of us here can relate to your loss.

Blessings
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Thursday, May 5, 2016 3:06:18 AM

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Joined: 4/17/2009
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These are helpful posts from Tunaafi, Foundit and L.Rai. Read them often, Paul, to remind yourself that people care for you and know what you are going through. I would copy them and print them out on a Word document so that I could look at them often.
Epiphileon
Posted: Thursday, May 5, 2016 5:19:37 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/22/2009
Posts: 4,279
Neurons: 166,221
Hello Paul, Very sorry to hear this news, I am sure it is devastating. I have thought a few times how I'm going to handle that eventuality, and I can not imagine it.

Some of the things I thought of that haven't already been said are, it is better that I am having to deal with it, than for her to have dealt with my death. That one seems kinda weird but I've checked a couple times and it keeps coming up.

Then there is always this, it is a fact that loss of ones mate is going to be devastating, and you will have to live through it, just make sure that you do not get stuck, it will take a while. I have told this to my wife, should something unforeseen happen to me. I know you are going to be devastated and I understand that, but keep this in mind as time goes by, how do you think I would feel about being the cause of having robbed you of happiness for the rest of your life? It is a tragic loss and I can not tell you how sorry I am, but please move through it and be whole again for that, you should know is what would make me happy.

Take care Paul and you have my deepest condolences.
pljames
Posted: Thursday, May 5, 2016 7:42:28 AM
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I never took into consideration the amount of stuff one gets when one gets married and gets a home. Just getting rid of it is mind boggling. I have learned not to over buy because it is a pain to just give it away. Never again. Thank all of you for your thoughts. Curious-One
boneyfriend
Posted: Thursday, May 5, 2016 11:10:56 AM

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Joined: 8/3/2009
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Location: Columbia, South Carolina, United States
Paul, I am thinking about you. Go to that mental health specialist that you mentioned in the opening conversation. They can be very helpful, I guarantee you.
Don't push yourself. Even though you don't think you'll ever be okay again, I promise that you will.
I remember when my mother died and my daddy was beside himself with grief. We have pictures of him during that period and sadness was written all over his face. But he did recover and went on to enjoy his life. I wish I could remember how long that took but I can't. I'm guessing it was several months.
L.Rai
Posted: Thursday, May 5, 2016 6:31:25 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/20/2014
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Location: Grover Beach, California, United States
Dear Paul:

pljames wrote:
I never took into consideration the amount of stuff one gets when one gets married and gets a home. Just getting rid of it is mind boggling. I have learned not to over buy because it is a pain to just give it away. Never again. Thank all of you for your thoughts. Curious-One


My niece passed away last year in September...I've just lived through her birthday without her this last week. Today would have been my sister's birthday but I lost her 30 years ago and it still is painful but not like it was back then.

Some advice: DON'T feel you have to do ANYTHING right now. Take your time to grieve and heal. DON'T throw away ANY stuff until you are ready. DON'T let people push you into to doing it. Take your time! As you are ready to do things then do them. DON'T Make ANY big decisions right now (ie: selling the house, or car, or making transfers of money) some professionals suggest not doing anything that will be a HUGE change in your life for at least 6 months. If you own your home stay there for now. If you rent and can remain for at least 6 months before you have to pack it up and move, do it. Give yourself time, you just had a huge loss and to have to dump more on yourself is asking too much.

Have people who truly care about you be there when you have to do big things right now. The company is nice, and they can be a good sounding board. I know when I had to pack up the stuff when my mother died it was nice just to have friends be with me and talk to me as I did it. They couldn't help me to do it, but at least they provided good company while I did it.

Make sure you get good advice from professionals when it comes to legal and financial matters...and don't make any decisions right now while you are not clearly thinking.

In California where my mother lived we couldn't sell her car for 6 months after she died...that turned out to be a great blessing in disguise. Her landlord allowed us to extend her lease for 90 days so I could pack things up, that too was helpful.

My heart goes out to you. Take your time and go slowly through this process, you will be okay it just takes time.
Trichakra
Posted: Wednesday, August 31, 2016 2:51:54 AM

Rank: Newbie

Joined: 8/30/2016
Posts: 37
Neurons: 161
tunaafi wrote:
You loved your wife dearly, and it will take you a long time to be able to learn to live a reasonably happy life without her.


Agree with you.
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