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coag
Posted: Monday, August 9, 2021 2:05:32 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/27/2010
Posts: 1,747
Neurons: 9,498
Robert Kane wrote:
Different pick-up lines:

“I hope our love will be like the number Pi: irrational and endless!”

As a pick-up line this is okay.

But if she's a mathematician, she may not like it. "Endless" is superfluous. Irrational numbers are endless.
"In the case of irrational numbers, the decimal expansion does not terminate, nor end with a repeating sequence." (Wikipedia)
Robert Kane
Posted: Wednesday, August 11, 2021 8:02:41 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 3/26/2021
Posts: 215
Neurons: 128,207
Location: San Jose, California, United States
Three musical notes walk into a bar - Ab, Bb, and F#.
The bartender approaches them and says, “I’m sorry guys but we can’t serve minors. See that note on the door? We could get in major trouble.”
coag
Posted: Wednesday, August 11, 2021 12:43:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/27/2010
Posts: 1,747
Neurons: 9,498
Since this is a musical joke, I could precede it with: "Here's a flat joke".
Or, I could change the last sentence to: "We could get in major trouble flat". (I don't know if my grammar is okay here.)
Robert Kane
Posted: Friday, August 13, 2021 8:28:34 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 3/26/2021
Posts: 215
Neurons: 128,207
Location: San Jose, California, United States
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They signed up as Prime mates.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Saturday, August 14, 2021 2:23:31 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 40,566
Neurons: 1,529,858
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
My friend stop using GPS. He was going to the cemetery.When he gets there the GPS says you have arrived at your final destination.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Tuesday, August 17, 2021 11:46:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,579
Neurons: 247,717
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hope123
Posted: Sunday, August 22, 2021 10:25:43 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 10,248
Neurons: 58,461
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
It's a five-minute walk from my house to the pub.
It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
Juegos Video
Posted: Sunday, August 22, 2021 12:57:11 PM

Rank: Member

Joined: 7/12/2021
Posts: 90
Neurons: 43,085
Location: San Antonio, Texas, United States
What happened to the thief who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months!
Juegos Video
Posted: Monday, August 23, 2021 9:53:29 PM

Rank: Member

Joined: 7/12/2021
Posts: 90
Neurons: 43,085
Location: San Antonio, Texas, United States
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere!! d'oh! d'oh! Brick wall Brick wall Not talking Not talking Boo hoo! Boo hoo!
Hope123
Posted: Tuesday, August 24, 2021 9:45:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 10,248
Neurons: 58,461
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
I know a guy who used to whittle. Had to stop after he cut off his whittle finger.
Robert Kane
Posted: Tuesday, August 24, 2021 10:01:49 PM

Rank: Member

Joined: 3/26/2021
Posts: 215
Neurons: 128,207
Location: San Jose, California, United States
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s guardian, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”

The man replies, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
Robert Kane
Posted: Wednesday, August 25, 2021 5:42:15 PM

Rank: Member

Joined: 3/26/2021
Posts: 215
Neurons: 128,207
Location: San Jose, California, United States
What do you do when your dog has eaten your English homework?
You just take the words right out of his mouth!
Robert Kane
Posted: Friday, August 27, 2021 8:35:42 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 3/26/2021
Posts: 215
Neurons: 128,207
Location: San Jose, California, United States
A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward.
When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward.
Finally, the First Symphony plays, as usual, backward.
“What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker.
“It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.”
coag
Posted: Sunday, August 29, 2021 2:20:40 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/27/2010
Posts: 1,747
Neurons: 9,498
Why should you never date an apostrophe?
They're too possessive.
Schlook Inside
Posted: Tuesday, August 31, 2021 1:50:20 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 40,566
Neurons: 1,529,858
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Saturday, September 4, 2021 7:03:23 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,579
Neurons: 247,717
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
coag
Posted: Saturday, September 4, 2021 1:29:21 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/27/2010
Posts: 1,747
Neurons: 9,498
What do sheep wear to the beach? A baakini
omicrom
Posted: Sunday, September 5, 2021 6:54:32 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/13/2013
Posts: 356
Neurons: 118,143
Location: Ourense, Galicia, Spain
omicrom
Posted: Monday, September 13, 2021 12:03:13 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/13/2013
Posts: 356
Neurons: 118,143
Location: Ourense, Galicia, Spain
FROSTY X RIME
Posted: Thursday, September 16, 2021 10:33:42 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/20/2015
Posts: 1,991
Neurons: 16,816
⬆︎That is chilling.



A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas .With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize but the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee".

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/tag/blonde-jokes/
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Monday, September 20, 2021 5:18:59 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2009
Posts: 45,878
Neurons: 654,708
Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland

Schlook Inside
Posted: Monday, September 20, 2021 7:39:13 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/27/2014
Posts: 40,566
Neurons: 1,529,858
Location: Montréal, Quebec, Canada
cythuman
Posted: Monday, October 11, 2021 3:36:54 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 382
Neurons: 402,209
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
What has four legs and one arm?—
A happy pitbull.
coag
Posted: Sunday, October 17, 2021 2:48:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/27/2010
Posts: 1,747
Neurons: 9,498
What's the difference between a snowman and snow-woman?
Snowballs.
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