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Could you correct these paragraphs, please? (3) Options
DavidLearn
Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2021 7:58:06 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/27/2014
Posts: 3,954
Neurons: 26,224
Location: Girona, Catalonia, Spain
Hi teachers,
Could you correct these paragraphs, please? Keep in mind that this reading is for, real, beginners.
The cat has eaten the fish and Mrs Jones is the person who rents him a bedroom in her house.

Well, there is no fish for Robert tonight and Mrs. Jones hasn't got any more food at home, except the eggs. Robert isn't very happy about that. In fact, he's angry. He’s also very hungry, and he has to eat out.

There's a new restaurant at the other corner of the street. Now Robert is at a table in the new restaurant. There is a white tablecloth on the table, and there are two knives, two forks, two spoons, and two empty glasses. One for the wine and the other for the water. There's also a bottle of oil and a pepper and salt shaker set. Maybe, the restaurant is too expensive for Robert.

Robert looks at the menu. There are some very good dishes on the menu. The steak is very good, but it is also very expensive, $18 (eighteen dollars). Robert hasn’t got very much money in his credit card. The shrimp Caesar salad costs $8.75 (eight dollars seventy-five) and the burger with French fries is $7.30 (seven dollars thirty). Those are better choices for Robert.

Kate and Henry are also at a table in the corner of the restaurant. Kate is a pretty young lady and Henry is a handsome man and he has got an expensive smart watch. There is an expensive bottle of wine on the table, and they are very happy.

Robert hasn't got an expensive smart watch; he has only got a cheap plastic watch. Robert hasn't got any wine on the table; he has only got a bottle of sparkling water and he is eating alone.

Thanks.
FounDit
Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2021 11:01:04 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,996
Neurons: 76,374
DavidLearn wrote:
Hi teachers,
Could you correct these paragraphs, please? Keep in mind that this reading is for, real, beginners.
The cat has eaten the fish and Mrs Jones is the person who rents him a bedroom in her house.

Well, there is no fish for Robert tonight, and Mrs. Jones hasn't got any more food at home, except the eggs. Robert isn't very happy about that. In fact, he's angry. He’s also very hungry, and he has to eat out.

These first two sentences sound very strange. It's the part about "at the other corner of the street" that sounds odd. Why the other corner? Normally, we'd simply say "on the corner". This is my suggestion:
There's a new restaurant on the corner of the street. Robert is sitting at a table in the new restaurant. There is a white tablecloth on the table, and there are two knives, two forks, two spoons, and two empty glasses. One glass is for the wine and the other one is for the water. There's also a bottle of oil, and a salt and pepper set. Perhaps the restaurant is too expensive for Robert. (The salt and pepper set is almost always said with "salt" first. And while "maybe" is okay, I think the comma afterwards isn't needed, and IMO, the word "perhaps" fits better. I can't give a reason for it, I just like it better)

Robert looks at the menu. There are some very good dishes on the menu. The steak is very good, but it is also very expensive, $18 (eighteen dollars). Robert doesn't have very much money available on his credit card. The shrimp Caesar salad costs $8.75 (eight dollars and seventy-five cents), and the burger with French fries is $7.30 (seven dollars and thirty cents). Those are better choices for Robert. (The money descriptions are how I would say them in AmE)

Kate and Henry are also at a table in the corner of the restaurant. Kate is a pretty young lady, and Henry is a handsome man. He is wearing an expensive smart watch, and there is an expensive bottle of wine on the table. They appear to be very happy.
I thought it better to put the description of the couple together, then speak to the expensive items - the wine on the table and the watch Henry is wearing.

Robert hasn't got an expensive smart watch; he has only got a cheap plastic watch. Robert hasn't got any wine on the table; he has only got a bottle of sparkling water, and he is eating alone.

Thanks.
DavidLearn
Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2021 11:55:33 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/27/2014
Posts: 3,954
Neurons: 26,224
Location: Girona, Catalonia, Spain
I DO appreciate all your corrections, all of them, including the comas, FounDit. Applause

FounDit wrote:
These first two sentences sound very strange. It's the part about "at the other corner of the street" that sounds odd. Why the other corner? Normally, we'd simply say "on the corner".

So sorry. I should have said that this paragraph is in the previous chapter.
“Mrs. Jones and Robert live in the United States, in a town called Bridgeport. They live in a large house at the corner of the street.”
Then, does my sentence make sense or it has to be yours, anyway?


FounDit wrote:
(The salt and pepper set is almost always said with "salt" first.

Thanks for that tip.


FounDit wrote:
And while "maybe" is okay, I think the comma afterwards isn't needed, and IMO, the word "perhaps" fits better. I can't give a reason for it, I just like it better)

Understood.


FounDit wrote:
(The money descriptions are how I would say them in AmE)

I know what you mean.


FounDit wrote:
I thought it better to put the description of the couple together, then speak to the expensive items - the wine on the table and the watch Henry is wearing.

Sure! It does sound more apprpropiate.

FounDit wrote:
Robert doesn't have very much money available on his credit card.

Right! I know this is AmE, but in BrE they say, "hasn't got". For the moment and until Chapter 9, I'm gonna use "have/has got" forms. In that chapter, I'll start to teach "do/does" forms. Angel




FounDit
Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2021 12:53:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,996
Neurons: 76,374
DavidLearn wrote:
I DO appreciate all your corrections, all of them, including the comas, FounDit. Applause

FounDit wrote:
These first two sentences sound very strange. It's the part about "at the other corner of the street" that sounds odd. Why the other corner? Normally, we'd simply say "on the corner".

So sorry. I should have said that this paragraph is in the previous chapter.
“Mrs. Jones and Robert live in the United States, in a town called Bridgeport. They live in a large house at the corner of the street.”
Then, does my sentence make sense or it has to be yours, anyway?
Ah, very good. In that case, I would suggest:
"There's a new restaurant on an opposite corner of the street". Since there would be four corners at an intersection, it isn't necessary to say which corner is meant, only that it is opposite the house.


FounDit wrote:
(The salt and pepper set is almost always said with "salt" first.

Thanks for that tip.


FounDit wrote:
And while "maybe" is okay, I think the comma afterwards isn't needed, and IMO, the word "perhaps" fits better. I can't give a reason for it, I just like it better)

Understood.


FounDit wrote:
(The money descriptions are how I would say them in AmE)

I know what you mean.


FounDit wrote:
I thought it better to put the description of the couple together, then speak to the expensive items - the wine on the table and the watch Henry is wearing.

Sure! It does sound more apprpropiate.

FounDit wrote:
Robert doesn't have very much money available on his credit card.

Right! I know this is AmE, but in BrE they say, "hasn't got". For the moment and until Chapter 9, I'm gonna use "have/has got" forms. In that chapter, I'll start to teach "do/does" forms. Angel
Understood.



DavidLearn
Posted: Thursday, June 10, 2021 12:58:48 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/27/2014
Posts: 3,954
Neurons: 26,224
Location: Girona, Catalonia, Spain
FounDit wrote:
Ah, very good. In that case, I would suggest:
"There's a new restaurant on an opposite corner of the street". Since there would be four corners at an intersection, it isn't necessary to say which corner is meant, only that it is opposite the house.

Crystal clear.


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