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Despite his dreams... Options
Amybal
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2021 10:33:12 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,390
Neurons: 7,135
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
Despite his dreams of joining the army being shattered, Karnan still finds a way to fight for the justice of his village and his people.

Long summary
Karnan`s lifelong dream has been to join the army, but a natural disaster strikes his town and shatters his dreams. He still wishes to fight for the justice of his village and his people, and he finds a way to do so despite his struggles.
FounDit
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2021 10:50:40 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,744
Neurons: 75,132
Amybal wrote:
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
Despite his dreams of joining the army being shattered, Karnan still finds a way to fight for the justice of his village and his people.

Long summary
Karnan`s lifelong dream has been to join the army, but a natural disaster strikes his town and shatters his dreams. He still wishes to fight for the justice for his village and his people, and he finds a way to do so, despite his struggles.
sureshot
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2021 11:13:06 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2015
Posts: 2,892
Neurons: 466,995
Amybal wrote:
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
Despite his dreams of joining the army being shattered, Karnan still finds a way to fight for the justice of his village and his people.

Long summary
Karnan`s lifelong dream has been to join the army, but a natural disaster strikes his town and shatters his dreams. He still wishes to fight for the justice of his village and his people, and he finds a way to do so despite his struggles.

_____________________

In my view, failure to join the army, led Karnan to focus on another area of interest. So, I would prefer the following short summary:

Despite his struggles, Karnan, whose dreams to join the army lay shattered, finds a way to fight for justice of his vilage people.

This suggested short summary is shorter than the original one and it is closer to the contents of the long summary.
Amybal
Posted: Tuesday, May 4, 2021 4:14:43 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,390
Neurons: 7,135
Thank you FounDit and sureshot.

This looks good as well.
Despite his struggles, Karnan, whose dreams to join the army lay shattered, finds a way to fight for justice of his vilage people.

FounDit
Posted: Tuesday, May 4, 2021 9:52:00 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,744
Neurons: 75,132
Amybal wrote:
Thank you FounDit and sureshot.

This looks good as well.
Despite his struggles, Karnan, whose dreams to join the army lay shattered, finds a way to fight for justice for/on behalf of his village people.

Amybal
Posted: Wednesday, May 5, 2021 9:34:41 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,390
Neurons: 7,135
Thank you FounDit.
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