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Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Saturday, May 1, 2021 7:26:22 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 35,111
Neurons: 239,072
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Clyde of Oz wrote:
A: Wonders will never cease.


Q. Did I tell you I won the lottery on Friday - £2.90!

A. A glass piano.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Monday, May 3, 2021 3:27:20 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 421
Neurons: 6,232
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What was making that weird tinkling sound, just before the almighty crash?

A: Careful, it might explode!
anton-Юрий
Posted: Monday, May 3, 2021 7:44:07 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,779
Neurons: 69,301
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Look: I'm mixing caesium and astatine together to get growing crystals of caesium astatide. Isn't it exciting?


A- No, I meant Jennifer's.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, May 4, 2021 6:04:28 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 421
Neurons: 6,232
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I disguised myself as a cleaner, got into Janice's hotel room, searched for and found her private diaries, and managed to sneak out with them for you — are they what you wanted?


A: We'll simply have to make do with what we've got, then.
cythuman
Posted: Tuesday, May 4, 2021 6:16:50 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 343
Neurons: 316,259
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: After our supply boat has capsized, all we’ve left is these two damp matches. Shouldn’t we better abandon our search for the lost Amazon tribe?


A: I could have told you before if you had asked me.
anton-Юрий
Posted: Tuesday, May 4, 2021 12:26:58 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 20,779
Neurons: 69,301
Location: Nogent-le-Rotrou, Centre, France
Q- Last night, I asked Jennifer how many boyfriends she's had so far. She asked $20 to give me her answer. So I gave her that money then she answered. Did you know she's had 107 boyfriends so far?


A- I would have proposed you if you hadn't looked like the christ of Nazareth.
Luker4
Posted: Tuesday, May 4, 2021 12:51:22 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 11/19/2013
Posts: 4,242
Neurons: 26,150
Location: Wrocław Pracze, Lower Silesian Voivodeship, Poland
Q:Hey! Why did you turn me down for the role of Santa Claus?


A: You gained a lot more than just weight.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2021 2:03:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,917
Neurons: 100,638
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: Why have you been staring at my luggage ever since I landed?


A: Three is sedom better than one; .. umm maybe two, max.
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