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Atatürk
Posted: Monday, May 3, 2021 1:24:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/25/2018
Posts: 1,865
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Location: İstoç, Istanbul, Turkey
Hi,

I would appreciate it if you could check this paragraph.

The human body can organize many activities every day. Several parts make up an organ system which perform a special job. The most important is the circulatory which pumps blood throughout body. This system consists of the heart and vessels. The heart has the strongest muscle in order to beat so many times every day. The respiratory system is also as important as the circulatory system in our body. One of the members in this organ system is lungs to pull and absorb oxygen from the air. The digestive system digests food we eat and gives energy to all of organs. In this system, the stomach grinds food into small pieces by acid and enzymes. Then, another member such as the small intestine sends the necessary nutrients to the blood. These organs supply energy every day. The brain, spinal cord and nerve cells or neurons make up the nervous system. They control the body activities. The reproductive system creates a new life. The first step is an egg cell from the mother and a sperm cell from the father meeting each other. Then, this new cell starts to grow until it develops into a human infant.
FounDit
Posted: Monday, May 3, 2021 3:37:03 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,768
Neurons: 75,232
Atatürk wrote:
Hi,

I would appreciate it if you could check this paragraph.
Hi. I taught Anatomy and Physiology to nursing students for several years as a supplemental instructor. You first sentence is a bit off in that the body doesn't organize activities so much as it carries out activities via the organ systems. To put it another way, the organ systems carry out the activities, and working together, the body functions properly if all the systems function properly.

It is also difficult to say one system is more important that another, since if one stops functioning, the whole organism can die. The only one in your paragraph that can stop without problems in living is the reproductive system. That one doesn't have to work for us to continue living. You left out a couple of systems, but that's okay, since it appears it is your writing that you are concerned with more than covering all the systems.

The human body carries out many activities every day. Several parts make up an organ system which perform a special job. One of the most important is the circulatory system, which pumps blood throughout body. This system consists of the heart and vessels. The heart has the strongest muscle in order to beat so many times every day. The respiratory system is also as important as the circulatory system in our body. One major member in this organ system is the lungs, which permits the absorption of oxygen from the air. The digestive system digests food we eat, and gives energy to all of organs. In this system, the stomach grinds food into small pieces by acid and enzymes. Then, another member, the small intestine, allows the necessary nutrients to be absorbed into the blood. These organs supply energy every day. The brain, spinal cord and nerve cells, or neurons, make up the nervous system. They control the body's activities. The reproductive system creates new life. The first step is an egg cell from the mother combining with a sperm cell from the father. Then, this new cell begins to grow until it develops into a human infant.
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Monday, May 3, 2021 5:47:05 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2009
Posts: 43,703
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Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland
Agree with FD. You could also make your text more readable by cutting it into shorter paragraphs.
Atatürk
Posted: Tuesday, May 4, 2021 3:04:30 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/25/2018
Posts: 1,865
Neurons: 8,587
Location: İstoç, Istanbul, Turkey
I highly appreciate your correction, Foundit.

May I ask why you have replaced 'start' with 'begin'?

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