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Bulan, a special forces... Options
Amybal
Posted: Monday, February 22, 2021 8:39:36 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,336
Neurons: 6,875
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
Bulan, a special forces agent from an Indonesia is on a mission to take down a major human trafficking ring and find her kidnapped sister by utilizing the help of Haris and his friends.

Long summary
When her sister Melati gets kidnapped by a human trafficking syndicate in Malaysia, Bulan, a trainee in an Indonesian special forces team, embarks on a mission to save her. She is helped by an e-hailing driver, Haris, when she has to go up against a pimp, Agus, and his boss, Ricky. Things turn complicated when Bulan and Haris must evade the assassin hired by Ricky to kill them.
FounDit
Posted: Tuesday, February 23, 2021 11:12:33 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,184
Neurons: 72,704
Amybal wrote:
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?
Very good. I would only add two commas.

Short summary
Bulan, a special forces agent from an Indonesia, is on a mission to take down a major human trafficking ring and find her kidnapped sister, by utilizing the help of Haris and his friends.

Long summary
When her sister Melati gets kidnapped by a human trafficking syndicate in Malaysia, Bulan, a trainee in an Indonesian special forces team, embarks on a mission to save her. She is helped by an e-hailing driver, Haris, when she has to go up against a pimp, Agus, and his boss, Ricky. Things turn complicated when Bulan and Haris must evade the assassin hired by Ricky to kill them.
Bathcoup
Posted: Wednesday, February 24, 2021 6:54:45 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 2/24/2021
Posts: 1
Neurons: 50
... from an Indonesia ...
Does "an Indonesia" mean "an Indonesian team"? Or should it be just "from Indonesia"?
FounDit
Posted: Wednesday, February 24, 2021 12:50:30 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,184
Neurons: 72,704
Bathcoup wrote:
... from an Indonesia ...
Does "an Indonesia" mean "an Indonesian team"? Or should it be just "from Indonesia"?


I missed that. It should be

"Short summary
Bulan, a special forces agent from Indonesia,".
Amybal
Posted: Thursday, February 25, 2021 11:05:55 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 1,336
Neurons: 6,875
Thank you Bathcoup and FounDit.

Do I need to omit "an" for the long summary as well? Or it's fine?

Long summary
When her sister Melati gets kidnapped by a human trafficking syndicate in Malaysia, Bulan, a trainee in an Indonesian special forces team..
FounDit
Posted: Friday, February 26, 2021 10:40:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 15,184
Neurons: 72,704
FounDit wrote:
Bathcoup wrote:
... from an Indonesia ...
Does "an Indonesia" mean "an Indonesian team"? Or should it be just "from Indonesia"?


I missed that. It should be

"Short summary
Bulan, a special forces agent from Indonesia,".



When her sister Melati gets kidnapped by a human trafficking syndicate in Malaysia, Bulan, a trainee in an Indonesian special forces team, ..."

You can say it two ways: one is like you have it with the "an", and it's okay. It highlights his membership on a team.

The other is to omit the "an" but you have to make more changes: "... Bulan, a trainee in Indonesian special forces, ...". This one highlights his status as a member of special forces.

Either way is good.


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