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Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, September 4, 2020 12:35:30 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Everyone likes you, don't they?


A: Well, OK then, if you insist.
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, September 4, 2020 5:55:01 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q: Would you be so kind as to remove your right foot from my left foot, please?


A: She's not Einstein but she's able to understand she regularly doesn't make sense.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Saturday, September 5, 2020 2:24:30 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,738
Neurons: 96,812
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: Is your new secretary quite up to the mark, Anton?


A: Each and every photograph shows him sporting one.
anton exobio
Posted: Saturday, September 5, 2020 3:21:22 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q: Is this the photoalbum in which John almost always wore an obscene T-shirt?


A: Oh my God, don't!!!
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Saturday, September 5, 2020 6:31:55 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I don't think there are any highly venomous snakes in this box; shall I take a look?


A: Only if you come too.
anton exobio
Posted: Sunday, September 6, 2020 5:46:50 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q: Are you going to stand at the edge of the canyon and peer down into the abyss?


A: I died a long time ago.
cythuman
Posted: Sunday, September 6, 2020 7:23:29 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 260
Neurons: 145,565
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Which was the statement that made you question his sanity?


It was more than I was prepared to believe.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, September 6, 2020 8:07:30 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Did he tell you the salary he gets in his new job?


A: There's nothing for it but for us both to go to Aberdeen as soon as possible.
anton exobio
Posted: Monday, September 7, 2020 9:12:03 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q: I'd really, really like us to go to Arbeeden in a matter of hours: shall we, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?


A: Because I told her her mother and her looked like twins...
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Monday, September 7, 2020 8:22:17 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Why did she give you a one-way ticket to Aberdeen?


A: Forty-eight years, three months and two days.

anton exobio
Posted: Tuesday, September 8, 2020 3:41:35 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q: How long haven't you answered any question, Oz?


A: She's hot but as cold as ice.
cythuman
Posted: Sunday, September 13, 2020 4:01:11 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 260
Neurons: 145,565
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: What did the village policeman say after Mrs Robert Burns had locked herself out on New Year’s Eve?


A: I hope never, my boy.
anton exobio
Posted: Sunday, September 13, 2020 5:18:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q: Daddy, will my career ever look like yours?


A: You're the touchiest being I know.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, September 13, 2020 6:24:10 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Why are you interfering with my crossword puzzle? I already know how to spell 'Pharoah' anyway, so please go away.


A: Because I think there's a hole in it.
anton exobio
Posted: Monday, September 14, 2020 6:48:24 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q: Why is that black thing considered one of the most amazing objects in the Universe?


A: He does not help me: I actually help myself through him.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Monday, September 14, 2020 6:01:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Do you expect me to believe that your pet gecko helps you with the crossword puzzle?


A: Well that's a fine kettle of fish.
anton exobio
Posted: Monday, September 14, 2020 6:43:23 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q: Dad, I unintentionally put depilatory cream into my sister's shampoo flask but mum used it instead... She's partially bald now and she's just said she's going to *kill* whoever did that: what should I do now?


A: I'm allergic to depilatory cream.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Monday, September 14, 2020 11:46:10 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 34,362
Neurons: 227,040
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Q - Why is your face green?

A - The wrong sun-tan lotion.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 8:20:43 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What's in the wrong tube?


A: I can't really recommend it.
cythuman
Posted: Wednesday, September 16, 2020 2:46:03 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/19/2019
Posts: 260
Neurons: 145,565
Location: Strasbourg, Alsace, France
Q: By the time they’ve figured out it’s a pyramid scheme we’ll both be millionaires! What do you think?


A: I prefer I quiet little resort by the seaside.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Wednesday, September 16, 2020 4:07:38 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: I'm heading for the noise, bright lights, crowds and excitement in Las Vegas — want to come?


A: Well, that's a turn up for the books!
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, September 16, 2020 4:52:32 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 34,362
Neurons: 227,040
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Is it true that Australian novels are written UP the page, rather than down?

A - Ah, well. Some myths are easy to disprove.
anton exobio
Posted: Saturday, September 19, 2020 1:36:33 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- In high school, I was considered the best French kisser of the Galaxy: great, isn't it?


A- No, I was not sleeping, I was just enjoying listening to you with my eyes closed, just like fully enjoying listening to a poem of yours *coughs*
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Saturday, September 19, 2020 2:34:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,738
Neurons: 96,812
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India

Q: Do you always yawn and doze off after you ask a poet to recite his latest?


A: Well not quite 6-packs, but fit I would say.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, September 20, 2020 12:35:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: All this furniture moving has me knackered — what has it done for you?


A: I think you'd better go by yourself.
anton exobio
Posted: Sunday, September 20, 2020 5:40:15 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- I'd really like to go to Hell in Norway next month: will you come with me?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Norway


A- I'm supposed to remember whom I married but I can't recall anything about that.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Sunday, September 20, 2020 6:54:54 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 12,738
Neurons: 96,812
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: Anton who is this hot woman you've landed here with? You were supposed to come with the Mrs!


A: OK, so there;s nothing here that says you can't drive.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Sunday, September 20, 2020 8:50:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Please can I have a go at driving this high-speed passenger train from London to Rome? It can't be that hard.


A: I'd never have believed they could do it.
anton exobio
Posted: Thursday, September 24, 2020 8:42:31 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Did you know it took three beauticians during four hours to finally give a human shape to my hirsute wife?


A- Because you're worth it.
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, September 25, 2020 1:35:08 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: Why did you buy me this magnificent château with vast grounds (and enormous upkeep costs)?


A: It really doesn't help when you keep saying that.
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, September 25, 2020 3:58:59 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Each time I get up in the morning, I tell myself I'm an incarnated angel who likes ice creams. Nice Couéism, isn't it?


A- Make her laugh while she's drinking ;)
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Friday, September 25, 2020 4:30:15 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 287
Neurons: 5,252
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Q: What was it you said you would never do again?


A: You can't get there from here.
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, September 25, 2020 4:52:48 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 19,620
Neurons: 65,245
Location: Chartres, Centre, France
Q- Alright: I died last week and I've been in Hell since then, as expected. But I'd really like to go to Heaven now: what should I do?


A- Every pupil should get an introduction to Psychology in school.
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