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kamalraj
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 3:14:21 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
All are like jokes...So share our jokes here..Keep smiling on your face always..


a humorous anecdote or remark intended to provoke laughter; "he told a very funny joke"; "he knows a million gags"; "thanks for the laugh"; "he ...
jest: activity characterized by good humor
tell a joke; speak humorously; "He often jokes even when he appears serious"
antic: a ludicrous or grotesque act done for fun and amusement
act in a funny or teasing way
a triviality not to be taken seriously; "I regarded his campaign for mayor as a joke"


வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
kamalraj
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 3:16:30 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
My first joke here.....
I know this topic moved on some other place in shortly

Titanic was sinking.

Santa: How much the earth is far from here?

Banta: 1 kilo meter.

Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"

Banta: Downwards !

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.



வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
kamalraj
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 3:39:50 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Manager asked to sardar at an interview

Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.





வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
kaleem
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 5:30:23 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/27/2009
Posts: 3,254
Neurons: 9,948
Wife Goes to Woolworths, Sees Men's underwear on Sale.
She buys a Dozen of the same Colour.
Goes home and gives hubby.

Hubby protests, Why buy me the Same Colour?
People will think I do not change underwear!

Wife Asks, "Which people?"


kamalraj
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 6:05:44 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.


வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
redsxz
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 6:37:19 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/27/2009
Posts: 1,083
Neurons: 5,425
kamal, some of those jokes are truley horrible. Nonetheless what do you call an aboriginal on a tree? An Abocado!

Nothing like racial antagonism to brighten the day...
xsmith
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 10:29:13 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/26/2009
Posts: 433
Neurons: 4,497
kaleem wrote:
Wife Goes to Woolworths, ...


Is Woolworth still in business in the UK?


kamalraj
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 2:08:10 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
redxy if u interest in jokes ..just read and post ..otherwise move out..I am not expect no comments

வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
kamalraj
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 2:13:14 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.



வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
xsmith
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 4:00:58 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/26/2009
Posts: 433
Neurons: 4,497
A wealthy man was at the Pearly Gates waiting to speak with St. Peter. St. Peter asked him to make an accounting of his life to determine where he should go. The man said, "Well, I gave a nickel to a widow. A beggar asked me for some spare change and I gave him a nickel. And I gave a starving a starving child a nickel once as I remember.

St. Peter reported the man's responses to the Lord. Without batting an eye, the Lord said, "Return his 15 cents, and tell him to go to hell."
kaleem
Posted: Sunday, May 9, 2010 7:02:22 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/27/2009
Posts: 3,254
Neurons: 9,948
xsmith wrote:
kaleem wrote:
Wife Goes to Woolworths, ...


Is Woolworth still in business in the UK?




A "joke" is a "joke". Don't take it seriously. Just enjoy and be happy.



kamalraj
Posted: Monday, May 10, 2010 2:56:41 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions

Teacher: If 1000 Kgs = Ton. Then

For 3000 Kgs =How Much?

Santa:
Ton! Ton! Ton!


வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
Galad
Posted: Monday, May 10, 2010 10:25:35 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2009
Posts: 2,582
Neurons: 10,532
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States
Q: What the difference between a herd of elephants and a bunch of grapes?
A: Grapes are purple, elephants are gray.

The Law often allows what Honor Forbids- Bernard-Joseph Saurin
kamalraj
Posted: Monday, May 10, 2010 3:02:00 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Conductor : Why are you getting an extra ticket?
Passenger : If I lose one ticket, the other would save me.
C : What would you do if you lose both?
P : I am not a fool. I have my bus pass.
C : ????????


வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
kamalraj
Posted: Monday, May 17, 2010 2:35:18 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
A man, has some tests done. And he asked the doctor whants wrong? ...

The doctor says you have leg cancer. Then he says I have some good news and some bad news.

The paitent says, alright what's the bad news.

The doctor says I have to amputate your leg.

The paitent askes, what is the good news? The guy in the bed beside you has an offer on your slippers.

வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
kamalraj
Posted: Monday, May 24, 2010 3:51:00 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday

வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
kamalraj
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 2:57:49 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."



வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
xKeVyOx
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 4:33:53 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/18/2010
Posts: 619
Neurons: 7,967
Location: Jamesburg, New Jersey, United States
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"Sticking Feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." -Tyler Durden, The film "Fight Club"
xKeVyOx
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 4:42:31 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/18/2010
Posts: 619
Neurons: 7,967
Location: Jamesburg, New Jersey, United States
What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence? Time to fix the fence.



"Sticking Feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." -Tyler Durden, The film "Fight Club"
kamalraj
Posted: Saturday, May 29, 2010 7:53:55 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.


வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
xKeVyOx
Posted: Wednesday, June 2, 2010 3:55:42 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/18/2010
Posts: 619
Neurons: 7,967
Location: Jamesburg, New Jersey, United States
kamalraj wrote:
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.



BUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

"Sticking Feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." -Tyler Durden, The film "Fight Club"
kamalraj
Posted: Tuesday, June 29, 2010 8:03:34 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
True Story - I’m a computer tech and this happend to me. Tech : Hi, Tech Support my I help you ? Client : Yes my system can not read the CD I just put in. Tech : Ok, I can help you, First I would like you to go to "My Computer" Cleint : What’s your address.........


வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
Galad
Posted: Tuesday, June 29, 2010 11:16:16 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2009
Posts: 2,582
Neurons: 10,532
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States
We are in trouble...

The population of the USA is 300 million.

- 160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work.

- There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

- Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 20 million to do the work.

- 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden. Leaving 17.2
million to do the work.

- Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that
leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

- At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

- Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.



That leaves just two people to do the work.


You and me.


And there you are, Sitting on your ass, At your computer, reading jokes.....

Nice. Real nice.


The Law often allows what Honor Forbids- Bernard-Joseph Saurin
abnormal
Posted: Tuesday, July 6, 2010 9:29:47 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/6/2010
Posts: 117
Neurons: 351
Location: Philippines
kamalraj wrote:
Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions

Teacher: If 1000 Kgs = Ton. Then

For 3000 Kgs =How Much?

Santa:
Ton! Ton! Ton!


LIKE LIKE LIKE!
kamalraj
Posted: Friday, July 9, 2010 1:35:02 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Ship captain:- What shall we do ?The water level has risen above the danger mark!

Mr.Bean:- Raise the danger mark above the water level...:)

வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
easypain1
Posted: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 4:39:40 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 7/13/2010
Posts: 2
Neurons: 6
Location: Lithuania
kamalraj wrote:
My first joke here.....
I know this topic moved on some other place in shortly

Titanic was sinking.

Santa: How much the earth is far from here?

Banta: 1 kilo meter.

Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"

Banta: Downwards !

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.



That was good one, dude
Atiya
Posted: Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:02:35 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/8/2010
Posts: 2,040
Neurons: 6,093
Location: India
Here is one more ...

A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!"



It is good to rub and polish your mind against that of others.—Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1533-1592)
kamalraj
Posted: Monday, July 19, 2010 7:09:30 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."


வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
pedro
Posted: Monday, July 19, 2010 7:43:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/21/2009
Posts: 12,998
Neurons: 60,624


All good ideas arrive by chance- Max Ernst
kamalraj
Posted: Monday, July 19, 2010 7:47:15 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Nice one pedro...Very cute baby..

Mistakes on a resume

These are from actual resumes:

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
Atiya
Posted: Wednesday, August 4, 2010 2:33:03 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/8/2010
Posts: 2,040
Neurons: 6,093
Location: India
Here is one more...

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.

In the defense`s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick:

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise
for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt, I saw all of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn`t."





It is good to rub and polish your mind against that of others.—Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1533-1592)
kamalraj
Posted: Wednesday, August 4, 2010 2:37:58 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Mr.bean's dad came from USA....

Dad:- Where is mom?

Mr.bean:- Mom died 6 months before

Dad:- Why didn't you inform me?

Mr.bean:- To give you a surprise....


வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
kamalraj
Posted: Wednesday, August 4, 2010 6:35:41 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
Your dog's barking at the back door. Your wife's barking at the front.
Who do you let in?

Well, it's your call... but the dog'll stop barking when you let him in.

வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
pedro
Posted: Wednesday, August 4, 2010 6:45:15 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/21/2009
Posts: 12,998
Neurons: 60,624
kamalraj wrote:
Mr.bean's dad came from USA....

Dad:- Where is mom?

Mr.bean:- Mom died 6 months before

Dad:- Why didn't you inform me?

Mr.bean:- To give you a surprise....



Applause

All good ideas arrive by chance- Max Ernst
kamalraj
Posted: Thursday, August 5, 2010 12:35:27 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,146
Neurons: 6,081
Location: India
After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a really long time, he started to get a little lonely. So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"

God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything. She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"

Adam said, "That sounds great! How soon can you send her?"

God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."

Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"






வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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