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Rank: Advanced Member
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All are like jokes...So share our jokes here..Keep smiling on your face always..
a humorous anecdote or remark intended to provoke laughter; "he told a very funny joke"; "he knows a million gags"; "thanks for the laugh"; "he ...
jest: activity characterized by good humor
tell a joke; speak humorously; "He often jokes even when he appears serious"
antic: a ludicrous or grotesque act done for fun and amusement
act in a funny or teasing way
a triviality not to be taken seriously; "I regarded his campaign for mayor as a joke"
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
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My first joke here.....
I know this topic moved on some other place in shortly
Titanic was sinking.
Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards !
Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,148
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Location: India
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Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/27/2009
Posts: 3,253
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Location: UK
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Wife Goes to Woolworths, Sees Men's underwear on Sale.
She buys a Dozen of the same Colour.
Goes home and gives hubby.
Hubby protests, Why buy me the Same Colour?
People will think I do not change underwear!
Wife Asks, "Which people?"
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Posts: 2,148
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Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Posts: 1,063
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Location: Australia
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kamal, some of those jokes are truley horrible. Nonetheless what do you call an aboriginal on a tree? An Abocado!
Nothing like racial antagonism to brighten the day...
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Joined: 4/26/2009
Posts: 378
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kaleem wrote:Wife Goes to Woolworths, ... Is Woolworth still in business in the UK?
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Rank: Advanced Member
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redxy if u interest in jokes ..just read and post ..otherwise move out..I am not expect no comments
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 4/26/2009
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A wealthy man was at the Pearly Gates waiting to speak with St. Peter. St. Peter asked him to make an accounting of his life to determine where he should go. The man said, "Well, I gave a nickel to a widow. A beggar asked me for some spare change and I gave him a nickel. And I gave a starving a starving child a nickel once as I remember.
St. Peter reported the man's responses to the Lord. Without batting an eye, the Lord said, "Return his 15 cents, and tell him to go to hell."
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Rank: Advanced Member
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xsmith wrote:kaleem wrote:Wife Goes to Woolworths, ... Is Woolworth still in business in the UK? A "joke" is a "joke". Don't take it seriously. Just enjoy and be happy.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions
Teacher: If 1000 Kgs = Ton. Then
For 3000 Kgs =How Much?
Santa:
Ton! Ton! Ton!
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 3/23/2009
Posts: 2,250
Points: 6,797
Location: Boston, United States
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Q: What the difference between a herd of elephants and a bunch of grapes?
A: Grapes are purple, elephants are gray.
The Law often allows what Honor Forbids- Bernard-Joseph Saurin
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,148
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Location: India
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Conductor : Why are you getting an extra ticket?
Passenger : If I lose one ticket, the other would save me.
C : What would you do if you lose both?
P : I am not a fool. I have my bus pass.
C : ????????
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
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A man, has some tests done. And he asked the doctor whants wrong? ...
The doctor says you have leg cancer. Then he says I have some good news and some bad news.
The paitent says, alright what's the bad news.
The doctor says I have to amputate your leg.
The paitent askes, what is the good news? The guy in the bed beside you has an offer on your slippers.
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,148
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The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
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A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 5/18/2010
Posts: 440
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• . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ,.-‘”. . . . . . . . . .``~.,
. . . . . . . .. . . . . .,.-”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“-.,
. . . . .. . . . . . ..,/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”:,
. . . . . . . .. .,?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\,
. . . . . . . . . /. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,}
. . . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`^`.}
. . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:”. . . ./
. . . . . . .?. . . __. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . :`. . . ./
. . . . . . . /__.(. . .“~-,_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`. . . .. ./
. . . . . . /(_. . ”~,_. . . ..“~,_. . . . . . . . . .,:`. . . . _/
. . . .. .{.._$;_. . .”=,_. . . .“-,_. . . ,.-~-,}, .~”; /. .. .}
. . .. . .((. . .*~_. . . .”=-._. . .“;,,./`. . /” . . . ./. .. ../
. . . .. . .\`~,. . ..“~.,. . . . . . . . . ..`. . .}. . . . . . ../
. . . . . .(. ..`=-,,. . . .`. . . . . . . . . . . ..(. . . ;_,,-”
. . . . . ../.`~,. . ..`-.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\. . /\
. . . . . . \`~.*-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..|,./.....\,__
,,_. . . . . }.>-._\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . ..`=~-,
. .. `=~-,_\_. . . `\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\
. . . . . . . . . .`=~-,,.\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . `:,, . . . . . . . . . . . . . `\. . . . . . ..__
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .`=-,. . . . . . . . . .,%`>--
"Sticking Feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." -Tyler Durden, The film "Fight Club"
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 5/18/2010
Posts: 440
Points: 853
Location: Earth
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What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence? Time to fix the fence.
"Sticking Feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." -Tyler Durden, The film "Fight Club"
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,148
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Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 5/18/2010
Posts: 440
Points: 853
Location: Earth
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kamalraj wrote:Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
BUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
"Sticking Feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." -Tyler Durden, The film "Fight Club"
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,148
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True Story - I’m a computer tech and this happend to me. Tech : Hi, Tech Support my I help you ? Client : Yes my system can not read the CD I just put in. Tech : Ok, I can help you, First I would like you to go to "My Computer" Cleint : What’s your address.........
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 3/23/2009
Posts: 2,250
Points: 6,797
Location: Boston, United States
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We are in trouble...
The population of the USA is 300 million.
- 160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work.
- There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
- Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 20 million to do the work.
- 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden. Leaving 17.2
million to do the work.
- Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that
leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
- At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
- Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are, Sitting on your ass, At your computer, reading jokes.....
Nice. Real nice.
The Law often allows what Honor Forbids- Bernard-Joseph Saurin
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 7/6/2010
Posts: 117
Points: 351
Location: Philippines
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kamalraj wrote:Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions
Teacher: If 1000 Kgs = Ton. Then
For 3000 Kgs =How Much?
Santa:
Ton! Ton! Ton!
LIKE LIKE LIKE!
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,148
Points: 6,081
Location: India
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Ship captain:- What shall we do ?The water level has risen above the danger mark!
Mr.Bean:- Raise the danger mark above the water level...:)
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Newbie
Joined: 7/13/2010
Posts: 2
Points: 6
Location: Lithuania
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kamalraj wrote:My first joke here.....
I know this topic moved on some other place in shortly
Titanic was sinking.
Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards !
Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
That was good one, dude
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 7/8/2010
Posts: 2,040
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Here is one more ...
A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!"
It is good to rub and polish your mind against that of others.—Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1533-1592)
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A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 5/21/2009
Posts: 5,476
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Location: United Kingdom
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"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon" Suzanne Ertz
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 12/23/2009
Posts: 2,148
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Nice one pedro...Very cute baby..
Mistakes on a resume
These are from actual resumes:
"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
RESUME BLOOPERS
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."
REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."
PERSONAL INTERESTS:
"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I'm a rabid typist."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Here is one more...
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
In the defense`s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick:
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise
for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt, I saw all of you stare at the door."
The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn`t."
It is good to rub and polish your mind against that of others.—Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1533-1592)
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Mr.bean's dad came from USA....
Dad:- Where is mom?
Mr.bean:- Mom died 6 months before
Dad:- Why didn't you inform me?
Mr.bean:- To give you a surprise....
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Your dog's barking at the back door. Your wife's barking at the front.
Who do you let in?
Well, it's your call... but the dog'll stop barking when you let him in.
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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Rank: Advanced Member
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kamalraj wrote:Mr.bean's dad came from USA....
Dad:- Where is mom?
Mr.bean:- Mom died 6 months before
Dad:- Why didn't you inform me?
Mr.bean:- To give you a surprise....
"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon" Suzanne Ertz
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After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a really long time, he started to get a little lonely. So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"
God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything. She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"
Adam said, "That sounds great! How soon can you send her?"
God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."
Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"
வாழ்க தமிழ்! வளர்க எம் மக்கள்
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