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JBS
Posted: Wednesday, October 08, 2014 3:17:28 PM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/8/2014
Posts: 6
Neurons: 30
Bonjour à tous,

Je suis actuellement en Ecole d'Ingénieurs et j'ai besoin de réaliser mon CV en langue anglaise pour la demande d'un stage à l'étranger. J'ai effectuer celui en Français puis je l'ai traduit en Anglais. Le seul problème est que je ne suis pas bon dans cette matière et j'ai sûrement beaucoup d'erreurs...

Je voulais savoir si quelqu'un accepterai de me corriger. Pour cela, j'ai mis ci dessous mon CV en Français puis celui en Anglais.

Je vous remercie pour l'attention que vous portez.

Admin123

VERSION FRANCAISE :


(nom + prénom)
(adresse complète)
TEL :
E-mail : (adresse mail)


Elève Ingénieur en Troisième année GENIE MECANIQUE à l’Ecole Nationale d’Ingénieurs de (nom de la ville)


Expérience Professionnelle:

2009 : - Travail dans le castrage du maïs chez M. (nom du patron) à (ville) dans les (département) durant deux mois.
2010 : - Manœuvre en Maçonnerie dans l’entreprise (nom de l’entreprise) dans les (nom du département) durant un mois.
- Responsable du Cinéma de (nom de la ville) dans les (nom du département) durant la période estivale.
2011 : - Manœuvre en Maçonnerie dans l’entreprise (nom de l’entreprise) dans les (nom du département) durant un mois.
- Responsable du Cinéma de (nom de la ville) dans les (nom du département) durant la période estivale.
2012 : - Travail dans le milieu de la Boucherie-Charcuterie dans l’entreprise (nom de l’entreprise) à (nom de la ville) dans les (département) durant un mois.


FORMATIONS/DIPLOMES:

2009 : - Obtention du Brevet des collèges
2012 : - Obtention du Baccalauréat Scientifique Mention ASSEZ BIEN
- Préparation Militaire de Gendarmerie (PMG) afin de devenir Gendarme Réserviste
- Admission à l’Ecole Nationale d’Ingénieurs (nom de la ville)


Stage :

2014-2015 : - Stage au Service Affaires dans l’Entreprise (nom de l’entreprise) à (nom de la ville), ayant une durée de 20 semaines en lien avec ma formation en Ecole D’Ingénieurs (Stage en cours)






VERSION ANGLAISE


(nom + prénom)
(adresse complète)
TEL :
E-mail : (adresse mail)

Student Engineer in the Third year MECHANICAL ENGINEERING to engineers'National School of (nom de la ville)

Work experience:

2009: - work in the castrage of the corn at mister . (nom du patron) on (nom de la ville)
in (nom du département) for two months.

2010: - laborer in Masonry in the company (nom de l’entreprise) in (département)
for a month.

- Responsible for the Cinema of (nom de la ville) in (département) during
summer period.

2011: - laborer in Masonry in the company (nom de l’entreprise) in (département)
for a month.

- Responsible for the Cinema of (nom de la ville) in (nom du département)
during summer period.

2012: - work in the environment of the Butcher's shop-delicatessen in the company
(nom de l’entreprise) in (nom du department) for a month.

FORMINGS / DIPLOMAS:

2009: - obtaining of the Patent of schools

2012: - obtaining of the Scientific High school diploma Mention WELL ENOUGH

- Military preparation of Police force (PMG) to become Policeman Reservist

- Admittance at engineers' National School of (nom de la ville)

Training:

2014-2015: - training to the Affaires service in the Company (nom de l’entreprise)
to (nom de la ville), having a duration of 20 weeks in link with my training
in Engineering school ( current Training)
Womblat
Posted: Thursday, October 09, 2014 12:52:29 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/6/2014
Posts: 19
Neurons: 3,664
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Hello JBS
but
I have done a very quick translation of your CV - I only had 45 minutes - but I'm pretty sure some others on this forum will be happy to do some "tweaking"!

I tried to put my answers in red but can't work out how to use it!

Hope this is helpful.Angel





VERSION ANGLAISE


(nom + prénom)
(adresse complète)
TEL :
E-mail : (adresse mail)

Student Engineer in the Third year MECHANICAL ENGINEERING to engineers'National School of (nom de la ville)
Third-Year Engineering Student - MECHANICAL ENGINEERING - National School (or College) of Engineers, (name of city)[color=red] [/color]

Work experience:

2009: - work in the castrage of the corn at mister . (nom du patron) on (nom de la ville)
in (nom du département) for two months.
2009: - Two months working in the (department name) department at Mr (name of employer)'s grain detasseling business.


2010: - laborer in Masonry in the company (nom de l’entreprise) in (département)
for a month.
One month as a mason's labourer in the (department) at (company name)

- Responsible for the Cinema of (nom de la ville) in (département) during
summer period.
Summer job as (department) manager in the (town) Cinema.

2011: - laborer in Masonry in the company (nom de l’entreprise) in (département)
for a month.
One month as a mason's labourer in the (department) at (company name)

- Responsible for the Cinema of (nom de la ville) in (nom du département)
during summer period.
Summer job as (department) manager in the (town) Cinema.


2012: - work in the environment of the Butcher's shop-delicatessen in the company
(nom de l’entreprise) in (nom du department) for a month.
One month working in the (department name) at (company name), a Butcher' Shop / delicatessen


FORMINGS / DIPLOMAS:
EDUCATION & QUALIFICATIONS

2009: - obtaining of the Patent of schools
Passed School Certificate

2012: - obtaining of the Scientific High school diploma Mention WELL ENOUGH
Obtained Science Baccalaureate with Honours

- Military preparation of Police force (PMG) to become Policeman Reservist
Military training to join National Gendarmerie as Reservist Gendarme


- Admittance at engineers' National School of (nom de la ville)
Admission to National School (or College) of Engineers, (name of city)

Training:
Internship

2014-2015: - training to the Affaires service in the Company (nom de l’entreprise)
to (nom de la ville), having a duration of 20 weeks in link with my training
in Engineering school ( current Training)
2014-2015 - 20 weeks' Business Internship at (company name) in (name of town), as part of my Engineering course (Internship currently in progress)
JBS
Posted: Thursday, October 09, 2014 2:58:57 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/8/2014
Posts: 6
Neurons: 30
Bonjour,

je te remercie pour ton aide qui m'est très précieuse...

Je vais tenter d'identifier mes erreurs et essayer de comprendre, notamment au niveau des tournures de phrases.

Parallèlement à mon CV, je dois effectuer une lettre de motivation. J'ai déjà la version française et je suis en train de la traduire. Accepterais tu également d'y jeter un petit coup d'oeuil ?


Je tiens encore à te remercier pour ce que tu as fais, c'est pour moi très important dans la recherche de mon stage.


Bien cordialement

JBS
Womblat
Posted: Thursday, October 09, 2014 4:13:40 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/6/2014
Posts: 19
Neurons: 3,664
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Hi JBS I will be happy to help with your covering letter tomorrow or Saturday if that is soon enough?
I just thought of something for the CV - I think instead of Baccalaureate with Honours it should be Baccalaureate (Honourable Mention). I will look at it again tomorrow, OK?
JBS
Posted: Thursday, October 09, 2014 4:27:04 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/8/2014
Posts: 6
Neurons: 30
Bonjour,

Pas de soucis, merci encore pour ton aide.

Ca peut attendre demain,pas de soucis.

Merci encore

JBS
JBS
Posted: Thursday, October 09, 2014 5:20:56 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/8/2014
Posts: 6
Neurons: 30
Bonjour Womblat,

Voilà commme convenu ma lettre de motivation

Encore merci pour ton aide

JBS

VERSION FRANCAISE :



A l’attention de Mme (nom de la personne)
Directrice des Ressources humaines
Chez (Nom de l’Entreprise)





OBJET : Stage de quatrième année dans le cadre d’une formation d’ingénierie.


Actuellement étudiant en troisième année à l’Ecole Nationale d’Ingénieurs (nom de la ville), je suis à la recherche d’un stage, de septembre 2015 à janvier 2016, de préférence dans un pays Anglophone afin d’approfondir mon anglais et de comprendre le fonctionnement d’une Entreprise à l’Internationale.

Ce stage que je dois effectuer dans le cadre de ma formation a pour but d’exploiter les compétences acquises lors des cours et de mon premier Stage en lien avec la filière Génie Mécanique que j’ai choisie. Il a pour durée cinq mois.

Ayant découvert le monde de l’Entreprise avec un Stage chez (nom de l'entreprise) à (nom de la ville) en tant que Assistant Chargé d’Affaires sur offres et projets Nucléaires, je souhaite approfondir mes connaissances dans ce milieu qui me passionne.

Travailler avec le Groupe VINCI est pour moi un honneur, c’est pour cela que je suis prêt à m’engager sur la durée de manière très rigoureuse.

Je tiens également compte de l’importance de la langue Anglaise qui est, je le pense indispensable pour le métier de l’Ingénieur et le pour le développement de sa société à l’Internationale. Je suis donc déterminé et prêt à m’impliquer dans l’étude d’offres ou de projets.

Dynamique, organisé et motivé, travailler à vos côtés serait pour moi une expérience très enrichissante. Je me tiens à votre disposition pour vous fournir tout détail complémentaire sur mon parcours et mes connaissances.

Vous remerciant de l’intérêt que vous portez à ma demande, veuillez agréer, Mme (Nom de la personne) l’expression de mes distinguées salutations.

Signé : JBS




VERSION ANGLAISE :



For the attention of Mrs (name of the person)
Manageress of the Human resources
To (Name of the Company)


OBJET : Stage de quatrième année dans le cadre d’une formation d’ingénierie.


At present studying in the third year at engineers' National School (name of the city), I am in search of a INTERSHIP, from September, 2015 till January, 2016, rather in an English-speaking country to deepen my English and understand the functioning of a Company in the International.

This INTERNSHIP which I have to make within the framework of my forming aims at exploiting the competence acquired during the classes and during my first Training in link with the field Mechanical engineering which I chose. It has for duration five months.

Having discovered the world of the Company with a Training to (name of the company) in (name of the city) as Assisting (Charge d'affaires ???) on offers and Nuclear projects, I wish to deepen my knowledge in this environment which fascinates me.

To work with the Group (name of the group) is for me an honor, it is for it that I am ready to undertake on the duration in a very rigorous way.

I also take into account the importance of the English language which is, I think of it indispensable for the profession by the Engineer and for the development of the company to the International. I am thus determined and loan to involve in the study of offers or projects.

Dynamic, organized and motivated, to work on your sides would be for me a very enriching experience. I feel at your disposal to supply you any additional detail of my route(course) and my knowledge.


Thanking you for the interest that you carry in my demand, please approve, Mrs (Name of the person) the expression of my distinguished greetings.

Signed:(my name)















Womblat
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 12:30:27 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/6/2014
Posts: 19
Neurons: 3,664
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Bonjour JBS,

I have looked at this CV again and made a couple of changes: "bricklayer's" instead of "mason's" and "Honours" instead of "With Honours". I will have a look at the covering letter as soon as I can, OK?
Cheers,




(nom + prénom)-
(adresse complète)
TEL :
E-mail : (adresse mail)


Third-Year Engineering Student - MECHANICAL ENGINEERING - National School (or College) of Engineers, (name of city)

Work experience:

2009: - Two months working in the (department name) department at Mr (name of employer)'s grain detasseling business.

2010: - One month as a bricklayer's labourer in the (department) at (company name)

Summer job as (department) manager in the (town) Cinema.

2011: - One month as a bricklayer's labourer in the (department) at (company name)

Summer job as (department) manager in the (town) Cinema.


2012: - One month working in the (department name) at (company name), a Butcher's Shop / delicatessen


EDUCATION & QUALIFICATIONS

2009: - Passed School Certificate

2012: - Obtained Science Baccalaureate (Honours)

Military training to join National Gendarmerie as Reservist Gendarme

Admission to National School (or College) of Engineers, (name of city)

Internship

2014-2015 - 20 weeks' Business Internship at (company name) in (name of town), as part of my Engineering course (Internship currently in progress)
JBS
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 3:32:15 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/8/2014
Posts: 6
Neurons: 30
Bonjour Womblat,

Merci encore pour ton aide. Pour la lettre, pas de soucis, je t'en suis vraiment reconnaissant.

Bien cordialement

JBS
Womblat
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 4:02:02 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/6/2014
Posts: 19
Neurons: 3,664
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Bonjour JBS - another slight change to the CV: Use the phrase "National College of Engineering"
JBS
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 4:08:48 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/8/2014
Posts: 6
Neurons: 30
Bonjour Womblat,

C'est noté et corrigé. Merci pour cette précision.

JBS
Womblat
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 4:15:34 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/6/2014
Posts: 19
Neurons: 3,664
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
Hi JBS,

I have translated the covering letter to the best of my ability. There may be other forum users who could improve some of the phrasing, and I shall also have another look at it tomorrow. Translation is not an exact science and two different people will probably translate something two different ways. Also, I may translate something one way today and another way tomorrow!! Anyway, here it is:

ENGLISH VERSION:


For the attention of: Mr/Ms (name of person)
Director of Human Resources
At (Name of Company)



SUBJECT: Internship for Fourth-Year Engineering Student


I am currently a third-year student at the National College of Engineering, (name of town). I am now seeking an internship for the period September 2015 to January 2016, preferably in an English-speaking country in order to improve my English and to understand how an overseas company is run.

The internship I need to do within the framework of my training will require me to use the skills I have learned in my chosen Mechanical Engineering course and during my first internship, and will be five months’ duration.

Having discovered the corporate world with an internship at (company name) in (name of town) as Assistant to the Officer in charge of Nuclear Plans and Projects, I would like to have the opportunity to enhance my knowledge in this field which I am so passionate about.

I would be very honoured to work for the VINCI Group, which is why I am prepared to commit myself to working rigorously for the duration of the internship.

I am also aware of the importance of the English language, which I believe is essential for professional Engineers and for the development of companies worldwide. I am therefore determined and ready to get involved in studying plans and projects.

I am energetic, well-organised and motivated, and working with your company would be a significant learning experience for me. I am at your disposal to provide any further details about my background and knowledge that you may require.

Thank you for your interest in my application, Ms. (name of person).

Kind regards,
Yours sincerely,.

Signed: JBS
IMcRout
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 4:45:47 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 33,959
Neurons: 475,899
Location: Lübeck, Schleswig-Holstein, Germany
Womblat wrote:
Bonjour JBS - another slight change to the CV: Use the phrase "National College of Engineering"


Just a short remark, as I do not feel qualified to comment on the rest:

Why not leave the title 'Ecole Nationale d’Ingénieurs'? ENIs are internationally well-known institutions.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. (Anon)
Womblat
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 10:56:29 PM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 10/6/2014
Posts: 19
Neurons: 3,664
Location: Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
IMcRout wrote:
Womblat wrote:
Bonjour JBS - another slight change to the CV: Use the phrase "National College of Engineering"


Just a short remark, as I do not feel qualified to comment on the rest:

Why not leave the title 'Ecole Nationale d’Ingénieurs'? ENIs are internationally well-known institutions.



Hi there IMcRout - really appreciate your input! I don't have any engineering background, and after 10 years away from Europe, I didn't realise that ENIs were well-known in their original language. You live and learn! One reason I joined this forum was to keep up-to-date with such things and it's working! Please feel free to comment on anything else.


Note to JBS: Follow IMcRout's suggestion and use 'Ecole Nationale d’Ingénieurs' instead of "National College of Engineering" in your CV and covering letter.
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