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jacobusmaximus
Posted: Wednesday, August 1, 2018 2:02:54 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 11,602
Neurons: 445,163
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
So she put on a mask to look scary
But was still insufficiently hairy
So she put on a wig
And went to the gig
Looking likeJulian Clary.


(Edit- With acknowledgements and apologies to Audiendus)

I remember, therefore I am.
Audiendus
Posted: Friday, August 3, 2018 8:47:56 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 5,115
Neurons: 938,608
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
jacobusmaximus wrote:
So she put on a mask to look scary
But was still insufficiently hairy
So she put on a wig
And went to the gig
Looking likeJulian Clary.

Yet no-one expressed real surprise
At such an audacious disguise,
For they all had a fancy
For camp necromancy,
And hailed her with loud eldritch cries.
Hope123
Posted: Saturday, August 11, 2018 6:22:24 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 8,400
Neurons: 48,082
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
There was a young fellow called Doug
Who was always afraid of a rug
When they asked him why
His frequent reply -
There may be some bugs that are snug.


The past is to be respected/acknowledged, not worshipped. It is in our future we will find our greatness. Pierre Trudeau
Audiendus
Posted: Saturday, August 11, 2018 10:16:32 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 5,115
Neurons: 938,608
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
There was a young fellow from Guinea
Who drove a decrepit old Mini.
Though rough strips of leather
Just held it together,
It sounded alarmingly tinny.

When questioned by worried MPs
About a contagious disease,
The minister said:
"We think it is spread
Like this" - and he gave a loud sneeze.

A waiter dropped two heavy platters,
Which left someone's ballgown in tatters.
"You've ruined my dress!"
Cried the shocked baroness.
Said the waiter: "I don't think it matters".
BobShilling
Posted: Sunday, August 12, 2018 4:46:34 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/1/2018
Posts: 545
Neurons: 3,706
Location: Beroun, Stredocesky, Czech Republic
Audiendus wrote:

A waiter dropped two heavy platters,
Which left someone's ballgown in tatters.
"You've ruined my dress!"
Cried the shocked baroness.
Said the waiter: "I don't think it matters".


The waiter who ruined a ballgown,
By letting two heavy plates fall down,
With no hint of remorse,
For behaviour so coarse,
Made guests at the table there all frown.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Monday, August 13, 2018 5:27:02 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 11,602
Neurons: 445,163
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
Waiters-in-training must wait
On tables marked seven and eight
For these are frequented
By the mean old demented
From the ranks of the Good and the Great.

I remember, therefore I am.
Audiendus
Posted: Wednesday, August 22, 2018 9:20:34 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 5,115
Neurons: 938,608
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
There once was a proud Spanish knight,
Enraged by some trivial slight.
He said with a roar:
"You mock me, señor!
My honour demands that we fight!"

"Religion", said Stalin, "is out!
What should we be singing about?
Production of tractors
And modern reactors.
We need more industrial clout!"

There was a plain-speaking physician
Who frequently made this admission:
"I haven't a clue!
What more can I do?
Do you think I'm a bloody magician?"

Field Marshal Radetzky was bold;
He was well over eighty years old
When he rallied large groups
Of Austrian troops
And knocked the Italians out cold.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Thursday, August 23, 2018 3:49:24 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 11,602
Neurons: 445,163
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
The Italians, of course, they denied that,
And claimed they put up a great fight,
The Austrian dogs had great numbers
But Italy fought for the Right.

Alas, the Austrian menace
With old man Radetzky at large,,
Subdued the young men of Venice
So leaving Vienna in charge.

I remember, therefore I am.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Friday, October 19, 2018 3:10:15 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 11,602
Neurons: 445,163
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom

We were so busy eating cake
We didn’t see the fiddlers.
MP’s and Cabinet Ministers alike
Were nothing more than diddlers.

When suddenly the cake ran done
A pound of flesh, we sought it.
A mole was there to tell the tale,
The Telegraph, they bought it.

Hands in tills,
Snouts in troughs,
It all was brought to light
The Cons, the Labs, the Lib Dems too
Were far from shiny white.


I remember, therefore I am.
Audiendus
Posted: Thursday, October 25, 2018 8:50:06 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 5,115
Neurons: 938,608
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
There was a young duchess called Alice,
Who drank from a solid gold chalice.
She said: "'Twould be novel
To live in a hovel,
But not quite as nice as my palace".

A boy had a fight with his brother;
It was over some girlfriend or other.
They started with kicks,
Then threw a few bricks,
Until they were floored by their mother.

There once was a guy called Frank Pick,
Who made London Transport more slick;
His smart innovations
At Underground stations
Made Tube travel ever so quick.

A TV producer said "Look,
I know you're a wonderful cook,
But when you're on screen
Don't talk like the Queen,
And stop glancing down at your book".
Hope123
Posted: Thursday, October 25, 2018 10:39:12 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 8,400
Neurons: 48,082
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
The buds on my violet are fugacious
Although they are not pugnacious
They drop on the table
As often as able
Overwatered again - goodness gracious!


The past is to be respected/acknowledged, not worshipped. It is in our future we will find our greatness. Pierre Trudeau
Hope123
Posted: Thursday, October 25, 2018 11:20:48 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 8,400
Neurons: 48,082
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
There is somewhere a big snollygoster
And mischief he sure likes to foster
His cousin says run
Away from the fun
As you don't want to be on his roster.


The past is to be respected/acknowledged, not worshipped. It is in our future we will find our greatness. Pierre Trudeau
Audiendus
Posted: Sunday, October 28, 2018 10:06:44 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 5,115
Neurons: 938,608
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
An astronaut who was called Jack,
With his spacesuit and oxygen pack,
Set out for the stars,
But when he reached Mars
He quickly got bored and came back.

If you want to succeed as a jockey,
You need to be light and not stocky.
Your horse will be slowed
If it bears excess load,
So it might make more sense to try hockey.

One prince in the late Middle Ages
Was subject to terrible rages.
He said to the Pope:
"You're a pompous old dope!"
And locked errant servants in cages.

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