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jacobusmaximus
Posted: Wednesday, August 1, 2018 2:02:54 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 11,531
Neurons: 430,257
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
So she put on a mask to look scary
But was still insufficiently hairy
So she put on a wig
And went to the gig
Looking likeJulian Clary.


(Edit- With acknowledgements and apologies to Audiendus)

I remember, therefore I am.
Audiendus
Posted: Friday, August 3, 2018 8:47:56 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 5,085
Neurons: 905,673
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
jacobusmaximus wrote:
So she put on a mask to look scary
But was still insufficiently hairy
So she put on a wig
And went to the gig
Looking likeJulian Clary.

Yet no-one expressed real surprise
At such an audacious disguise,
For they all had a fancy
For camp necromancy,
And hailed her with loud eldritch cries.
Hope123
Posted: Saturday, August 11, 2018 6:22:24 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 8,145
Neurons: 46,877
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
There was a young fellow called Doug
Who was always afraid of a rug
When they asked him why
His frequent reply -
There may be some bugs that are snug.


Elitism is the slur directed at merit by mediocrity. -Sydney J. Harris, journalist (14 Sep 1917-1986)
Audiendus
Posted: Saturday, August 11, 2018 10:16:32 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 5,085
Neurons: 905,673
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
There was a young fellow from Guinea
Who drove a decrepit old Mini.
Though rough strips of leather
Just held it together,
It sounded alarmingly tinny.

When questioned by worried MPs
About a contagious disease,
The minister said:
"We think it is spread
Like this" - and he gave a loud sneeze.

A waiter dropped two heavy platters,
Which left someone's ballgown in tatters.
"You've ruined my dress!"
Cried the shocked baroness.
Said the waiter: "I don't think it matters".
BobShilling
Posted: Sunday, August 12, 2018 4:46:34 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 4/1/2018
Posts: 451
Neurons: 3,098
Location: Beroun, Stredocesky, Czech Republic
Audiendus wrote:

A waiter dropped two heavy platters,
Which left someone's ballgown in tatters.
"You've ruined my dress!"
Cried the shocked baroness.
Said the waiter: "I don't think it matters".


The waiter who ruined a ballgown,
By letting two heavy plates fall down,
With no hint of remorse,
For behaviour so coarse,
Made guests at the table there all frown.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Monday, August 13, 2018 5:27:02 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 11,531
Neurons: 430,257
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
Waiters-in-training must wait
On tables marked seven and eight
For these are frequented
By the mean old demented
From the ranks of the Good and the Great.

I remember, therefore I am.
Audiendus
Posted: Wednesday, August 22, 2018 9:20:34 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 5,085
Neurons: 905,673
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
There once was a proud Spanish knight,
Enraged by some trivial slight.
He said with a roar:
"You mock me, señor!
My honour demands that we fight!"

"Religion", said Stalin, "is out!
What should we be singing about?
Production of tractors
And modern reactors.
We need more industrial clout!"

There was a plain-speaking physician
Who frequently made this admission:
"I haven't a clue!
What more can I do?
Do you think I'm a bloody magician?"

Field Marshal Radetzky was bold;
He was well over eighty years old
When he rallied large groups
Of Austrian troops
And knocked the Italians out cold.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Thursday, August 23, 2018 3:49:24 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 11,531
Neurons: 430,257
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
The Italians, of course, they denied that,
And claimed they put up a great fight,
The Austrian dogs had great numbers
But Italy fought for the Right.

Alas, the Austrian menace
With old man Radetzky at large,,
Subdued the young men of Venice
So leaving Vienna in charge.

I remember, therefore I am.
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