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Kerry.P
Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 3:18:28 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/7/2012
Posts: 2,653
Neurons: 12,995
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
My apologies in advance; if I've offended you or your sense of rhythm. (or not written one for you yet Whistle)

Our resident pedant is never wrong
You’ll find that his answers are rarely long.
He hails from Freedelphia
And never feels healthier
Then when there’s a topic to rant upon.

There once was a gypsy romantic
Who liked to discourse on semantics
Somewhat restless at home
She’d much rather roam.
She’s passionate but not yet Pedantic.

Our dreamer can talk in his sleep
But awake he makes not a peep
His posts are articulate
They all seem to indicate
He types while he slumbers so deep.

From Iceland in regions afar
Comes one of our members, that’s Thar
Jokes mixed in with rules
Are quite useful tools
All his posts sound oracular.

There once was a Scotsman from Germany
Said his name was McRout but I’m sure that he
Plays around with words
Like most other nerds
It sounds like a pun not the truth to me.

The dragon in the north breathes no fire
His responses are polite with no ire
He gives good examples
And rarely he rambles
His sets standards high that inspire.

Quite often we see her propound
An argument thoughtful and sound
Though her manner is kind
She knows her own mind
If I’m wrong then she’ll tell me I’ve found.
Romany
Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 4:05:13 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2009
Posts: 12,864
Neurons: 39,224
Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom
Oh Kerry - brilliant!!
kool-wind
Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 5:06:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/13/2012
Posts: 2,625
Neurons: 10,086
Location: Fontenay-le-Comte, Pays de la Loire, France
There once was a poet from Oz
whose rhymes were adored because
his talents and wits
never got on our tits
and he always managed to get the last line to rhyme with the first one, which is not always easy to do, so let's give him a round of applause!


It is better to travel well than to arrive. Buddha
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 7:10:03 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 10,894
Neurons: 340,988
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
I am currently reading a very serious book and haven’t smiled for days on end, so thank you Kerry and Kool-wind for the laughs.

There once was a writer from the Land of the Lapps
His pen was his sword and I don’t mean perhaps;
His posts are incisive but not ever rude
I can’t speak his name but he is a Sharp Dude.

From the land of the ‘roos comes a trio of scribes
Who knows, they might be from different tribes
Yet they speak the same tongue and share the same wit,
Eat Poms for breakfast and spit out the grit.


I remember, therefore I am.
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 9:04:30 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 11,798
Neurons: 80,166
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
LMAO Kerry!Applause Applause Applause ... or as they would say in adulation, in India, Wah! Wah! Kerryji!Dancing

A brilliant wordsmith this Kerry
Lexically always making merry
Your leg he might pull
But he'd never let you fall;
Gallant, fun-loving and a bit contrary

"...hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour"
Absurdicuss
Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 5:42:37 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/8/2013
Posts: 2,868
Neurons: 29,211
Location: Jefferson, South Carolina, United States
The funnest of friends I have found
Live nowhere near my own hometown
At the FD.com we gather anon
And always write with great aplomb

Though often we do disagree
It is done so agreeably
That the bendings and leanings
Reveal deeper meaning
We're all monkeys
Swinging in the same tree




"Now" is the eternal present.
GabhSigenod
Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 7:42:44 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2010
Posts: 2,376
Neurons: 149,736
Location: Mulroog, Connaught, Ireland
Keep up the good work.

Mise, tá mé lán de dea-fhortún.
Absurdicuss
Posted: Tuesday, July 23, 2013 8:05:19 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/8/2013
Posts: 2,868
Neurons: 29,211
Location: Jefferson, South Carolina, United States
what's M-theory, Gab?

And if I ask how to pronounce your pseudonym will ya tell me?

"Now" is the eternal present.
Absurdicuss
Posted: Saturday, July 27, 2013 6:16:35 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/8/2013
Posts: 2,868
Neurons: 29,211
Location: Jefferson, South Carolina, United States
WHAT!?!?!?

Did I kill the Limerick thread!


C'mon y'all...gimme some love here!


"Now" is the eternal present.
Audiendus
Posted: Saturday, July 27, 2013 7:56:21 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 4,351
Neurons: 763,675
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
When George Bernard Shaw wrote Pygmalion,
The audience reckoned it alien
To swear on the stage
In that decorous age,
Unless, of course, they were Australian.
Absurdicuss
Posted: Saturday, July 27, 2013 9:06:05 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/8/2013
Posts: 2,868
Neurons: 29,211
Location: Jefferson, South Carolina, United States
applause here:------

Audiendus makes curtain call.

"Now" is the eternal present.
FounDit
Posted: Saturday, July 27, 2013 9:12:41 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 8,158
Neurons: 43,559
By the posts of our own KerryP
Our Icelandic King is a he
But I’d swear ‘tis no dream
In a post that I’d seen
Said in truth that he was a she.

*am I wrong?*

A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Audiendus
Posted: Monday, July 29, 2013 5:59:13 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 4,351
Neurons: 763,675
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
I do not believe that John Keats
Among his poetical feats
Wrote limericks, for
His art required more
Than light-hearted rum-ti-tum beats.
leonAzul
Posted: Monday, July 29, 2013 8:13:30 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/11/2011
Posts: 8,108
Neurons: 25,716
Location: Miami, Florida, United States
No matter how hard that he wrangled
His words, they got hopelessly tangled
And infinitively split,
Though he gave not a fit,
'Cause he really preferred when it dangled.


"Make it go away, Mrs Whatsit," he whispered. "Make it go away. It's evil."
kool-wind
Posted: Monday, July 29, 2013 9:41:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/13/2012
Posts: 2,625
Neurons: 10,086
Location: Fontenay-le-Comte, Pays de la Loire, France
(On a slightly less highbrow note, here's one I learnt a long time ago at school)

There was a young woman from Bude
who went for a swim in the lake
A man in a punt
stuck a pole up her nose
and said "You can't swim here, it's private!"


It is better to travel well than to arrive. Buddha
Audiendus
Posted: Monday, July 29, 2013 3:55:21 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 4,351
Neurons: 763,675
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
There was a young girl called Felicity
Whose body gave off electricity.
It produced enough wattage
To power her cottage,
And earned her a lot of publicity.
Briton
Posted: Monday, July 29, 2013 6:35:59 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/13/2011
Posts: 5,107
Neurons: 16,440

A young schizophrenic named Struther,
Who learned of the death of his brother,
Said, "I know that it's bad,
But I don't feel too sad,
After all, I still have each other."
Absurdicuss
Posted: Monday, July 29, 2013 7:31:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/8/2013
Posts: 2,868
Neurons: 29,211
Location: Jefferson, South Carolina, United States
Behold that the coming World Order
Will be brave and dismantle all borders
Tis’ is a sad human fate
A planet wide police state
Will rule all
But the preppers and hoarders


"Now" is the eternal present.
Audiendus
Posted: Monday, July 29, 2013 8:03:59 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 4,351
Neurons: 763,675
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
An engineer found in his pocket
A couple of bolts and a sprocket.
He shouted with fright:
"Quick, cancel the flight –
I should have fixed these in the rocket!"
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:30:27 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 10,894
Neurons: 340,988
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
A horse rider from Oz
Wouldn't leave the house cos
Her lippie and perfie were lost,
So she locked all the doors
And got down on all fours
To find them no matter the cost.









I remember, therefore I am.
jacobusmaximus
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:37:04 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/17/2009
Posts: 10,894
Neurons: 340,988
Location: Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
One poster, I think, uses different names,
He shoots from the hip and never plays games
No prisoners he takes, the Abs he forsakes
And the Epis and FounDits disdains.

I remember, therefore I am.
Absurdicuss
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 7:26:11 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/8/2013
Posts: 2,868
Neurons: 29,211
Location: Jefferson, South Carolina, United States
There once was a lass named McGill
Who would do anything for a thrill
Once while riding a pony
Felt something quite boney
And took off in a gallop quite shrill




Having lost all her feminine charm
An aged escort began to spin yarn
Oh the tales she would tell
Enchanted so well
She’d could charge them a leg and an arm.




"Now" is the eternal present.
Audiendus
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 7:44:03 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 4,351
Neurons: 763,675
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
When Jesus turned water to wine,
The crowd thought it tasted just fine.
A rich connoisseur
Remarked with hauteur:
"It's vintage AD 29!"


I heard an evangelist yell:
"You all risk damnation in Hell!
But generous offers
To fill the church coffers
Will loosen the Devil's dark spell".
pedro
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 8:33:23 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/21/2009
Posts: 12,932
Neurons: 58,635
There once was a man from Madrass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When he'd bang 'em together
They'd play stormy weather
And lightning would shoot out of his ass


All good ideas arrive by chance- Max Ernst
leonAzul
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 1:59:03 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/11/2011
Posts: 8,108
Neurons: 25,716
Location: Miami, Florida, United States
Be bold, be brazen, be brash,
Take hold, take charge, and talk trash.
It is no disgrace
To put fools in their place;
Burn their totems to smoldering ash.


"Make it go away, Mrs Whatsit," he whispered. "Make it go away. It's evil."
Briton
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 6:59:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/13/2011
Posts: 5,107
Neurons: 16,440
Maths. anyone? Think


A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five time eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
Absurdicuss
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 8:07:10 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/8/2013
Posts: 2,868
Neurons: 29,211
Location: Jefferson, South Carolina, United States
Thought a bug, bout a window
What a pain
Slamming into to you is always the same
Though you’re blank and quite bare
As if nothing were there
When I hit you my rear meets my brain.



too much Dr. Seuss in my childhood.

"Now" is the eternal present.
Audiendus
Posted: Wednesday, July 31, 2013 2:54:22 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 4,351
Neurons: 763,675
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
A funeral rite was progressing,
And the priest was pronouncing his blessing,
When the coffin lid rose,
The worshippers froze,
And a voice cried "I'm dead? How distressing!"
pedro
Posted: Thursday, August 01, 2013 7:56:13 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/21/2009
Posts: 12,932
Neurons: 58,635
A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight,
Times his pecker, plus eight
Is his phone number... give him a call.



All good ideas arrive by chance- Max Ernst
Hope2
Posted: Thursday, August 01, 2013 12:32:47 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/6/2012
Posts: 4,909
Neurons: 16,769
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Well now there is knowledgeable Ruth,
She tells us all forsooth,
She thinks she is boring
But we are not snoring
We read her while drinking vermouth.

Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important. T. S. Eliot
Briton
Posted: Thursday, August 01, 2013 6:46:25 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/13/2011
Posts: 5,107
Neurons: 16,440

A mosquito was heard to complain,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
was paradichloro-
triphenyldichloroethane.
Audiendus
Posted: Thursday, August 01, 2013 7:38:41 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/24/2011
Posts: 4,351
Neurons: 763,675
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
The Mad Hatter said to the Hare:
"I think someone's taken my chair".
Said Alice: "I see –
And who might that be?"
"Myself", cried the Hatter, "so there!"
leonAzul
Posted: Friday, August 02, 2013 8:52:22 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/11/2011
Posts: 8,108
Neurons: 25,716
Location: Miami, Florida, United States
"Sometimes it just doesn't matter,"
Said the Knave of Hearts to the Mad Hatter.
In reply: "Sure you're right
"My lid's getting real tight.
"Could it be that my head's getting fatter?"


"Make it go away, Mrs Whatsit," he whispered. "Make it go away. It's evil."
Briton
Posted: Thursday, August 08, 2013 6:37:26 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/13/2011
Posts: 5,107
Neurons: 16,440
A London policeman named Pete
Was always asleep on his beat.
For British bobbies
Don't have any hobbies,
They just have arrest in the street.

Kerry.P
Posted: Friday, August 09, 2013 1:46:20 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/7/2012
Posts: 2,653
Neurons: 12,995
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
The lady who went back to school
Chose politics ‘cause she’s no fool
She communicates fine
‘Though her spell check is ‘strine’
Yet we know what she means as a rule.

(no offence meantAnxious )
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