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a composition about first aid training Options
zhonglc2020
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2019 11:12:41 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 7/7/2019
Posts: 80
Neurons: 569
Hello everyone,

This notice is to inform all the students here that the club of our school is going to have a first-aid training program this summer holiday. The theme of it is to “stay out of danger and enjoy a safe holiday”.

Considering some students are apt to get hurt during summer vacation, the training is scheduled to last for 14 days, commencing on 18 June. Besides providing us with short videos on injury prevention as well as first-aid skills, the club will also invite professionals to give us on-site demos about first aids. Of course, to make the training life colorful, we are sure to have a variety of amusements. Obviously, not only can the training help us acquire some practical first-aid knowledge, but also it can help us enhance the awareness of safety, which is always the first things first.

There is no denying that nothing in the world could be more important than safety. Please do take part in this program and enjoy a safe and interesting holiday.


This composition comes from a senior 2 student (Class 11). I have tried my best but I can only help her so far.
I would appreciate it very much if you would help me with it. Feel free put the mistakes right.


Many thanks in advance.

Edit: our club ---> the club of our school
FounDit
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2019 3:11:47 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 11,823
Neurons: 59,150
zhonglc2020 wrote:
Hello everyone,
Here are a few suggestions.
Use "our club". It is more natural sounding.

This notice is to inform all the students here that our club is going to have a first-aid training program this summer holiday. The theme of it is how to “stay out of danger and enjoy a safe holiday”.

Considering some students are apt to get hurt during summer vacation, (I would omit this since it creates the idea that the training will last for 14 days because of the possibility students will get hurt over the summer) The training is scheduled to last for 14 days, commencing on 18 June. Besides providing us with short videos on injury prevention and first-aid skills, the club will also invite professionals to give us on-site demos about first aid. Of course, to make the training more enjoyable, we will try to make it a fun experience. Obviously, the training can not only help us acquire some practical first-aid knowledge, but also can help us enhance our awareness of safety, which is always the first priority.

There is no denying that nothing in the world could be more important than safety. Please do take part in this program, and enjoy a safe and interesting holiday.


This composition comes from a senior 2 student (Class 11). I have tried my best but I can only help her so far.
I would appreciate it very much if you would help me with it. Feel free put the mistakes right.


Many thanks in advance.

Edit: our club ---> the club of our school


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Wilmar (USA)
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2019 4:00:46 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/4/2015
Posts: 3,036
Neurons: 837,034
Location: Vinton, Iowa, United States
Suggestion...
Obviously, the training will not only help us acquire some practical first-aid knowledge, but will also help us enhance our awareness of safety, which is always the first priority.
zhonglc2020
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2019 8:42:30 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 7/7/2019
Posts: 80
Neurons: 569
Thank you both for your time and kindness.
Romany
Posted: Friday, October 11, 2019 2:03:38 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2009
Posts: 15,715
Neurons: 49,668
Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom


I would advise the student not to start the sentence about training and first-aid knowledge with "obviously". If it IS obvious, then there's absolutely no point in mentioning it! Just start with "The training..."

While "demo." (note the full-stop. All abbreviations require a full stop so that we realise that we are not using the full word.) is used and understood it's still regarded as slang. It's fine to use it in informal speech/writing; but not in a notice, formal letter, academic writing or professional missive. Had the whole text been written in informal, chatty slang it'd be fine: ""Hey guys! Our club's going to put on a summer course...." The word "demo." would fit in perfectly there.

I'd also advise the student to be careful about using phrases like "There is no denying..." unless they are aware of every single argument that could possibly be put forward about something, and knows with certaintly, and as a matter of true FACT that no-one, anywhere, could ever deny something. Using it to add emphasis or to put forward one's own, untested, opinion is not correct usage.

Off-hand,(i.e. without having to go and do some further research) I could think of at least 4 things I could make a case for being more important than safety. Thus, I WOULD deny it. In which case, that would negate the students words. The student says there's "no denying"...yet here I am, just one person, with 4 different denials proving that what they have just stated is wrong! Denial is perfectly possible.

There's no denying safety is important. There's no denying learning about safe practices and first aid could help a person. There's no denying that safety is a very important consideration. And there's no denying that this course could (one day, in certain circumstances) actually save a life/lives one day.

But "no denying" it's the most important thing in the world? Sure there is. Even if the reasons for doing so are silly, anyone is free to deny it if they wish.

Words matter.
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