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An unremarkable... Options
Amybal
Posted: Tuesday, January 8, 2019 3:38:14 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 558
Neurons: 2,988
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?

Short summary
An unremarkable 58-year-old man looks like he is in his 80's, disrespected by his family and diagnosed with cancer until something extraordinary changes his life in ways he could never have imagined..

Long summary
Inuyashiki Ichiro is an old man who is diagnosed with cancer. Just when things couldn't get any worse, he is struck by a light of extra-terrestrial origin. He later wakes up to notice that his body is replaced by a powerful mechanical body. After testing out his powers, he decides to dedicate himself to using his new powers only to do good.
Marek Guman
Posted: Tuesday, January 8, 2019 7:47:37 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/14/2014
Posts: 120
Neurons: 1,467,282
Location: Košice, Kosicky, Slovakia
Amybal wrote:
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?


They are perfectly OK in my opinion, and in nice style.
FounDit
Posted: Tuesday, January 8, 2019 2:35:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 10,499
Neurons: 54,136
Amybal wrote:
Hi, is there anything wrong in these sentences?
I suggest adding a few words and moving the word "only" in the last sentence.

Short summary
An unremarkable 58-year-old man looks like he is in his 80's, is disrespected by his family and is diagnosed with cancer until something extraordinary changes his life in ways he could never have imagined..

Long summary
Inuyashiki Ichiro is an old man who is diagnosed with cancer. Just when things appear their worst, he is struck by a light of extra-terrestrial origin. He later wakes up to notice that his body is replaced by a powerful mechanical body. After testing out his powers, he decides to dedicate himself to using his new powers to do only good.


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Amybal
Posted: Thursday, January 10, 2019 3:08:13 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 558
Neurons: 2,988
Thank you FounDit and Marek Guman.
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