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Atatürk
Posted: Thursday, December 6, 2018 11:00:04 AM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/25/2018
Posts: 209
Neurons: 802
Last night, my friend called on me and asked me to go with him to a birthday party. As usual, I dressed up but could not find my perfume. I looked for it for half an hour, and at last I found it under my bed. I think my little brother knew where it was all along, but he did not tell me anything, because I did not accept to take him to the party. Before leaving home, I looked at myself in the mirror to check that everything was okay. Then, we got in the car and my friend drove to the party place. However, the car, unfortunately, broke down in the middle of the road. We spent about 20 minutes trying to find out the problem, and we also pushed it a lot to start, but we just wore ourselves out without any result. My friend said, “Never mind, we can leave the car here and take a taxi.” I replied, “All right, but you should save money little by little and replace your awesome car!”

Would you kindly check my composition?

Advice and classroom hints are one thing, grammar rules are another. Michael Lewis (1986)
FounDit
Posted: Thursday, December 6, 2018 11:57:37 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,886
Neurons: 51,912
Atatürk wrote:

It's well done, but we would more likely use contractions where you did not. And I would change "accept" to "agree".

Last night, my friend called on me and asked me to go with him to a birthday party. As usual, I dressed up but couldn't find my perfume. I looked for it for half an hour, and at last I found it under my bed. I think my little brother knew where it was all along, but he didn't tell me anything, because I didn't agree to take him to the party. Before leaving home, I looked at myself in the mirror to check that everything was okay. Then, we got in the car and my friend drove to the party place [location would be a better word to use, or no word at all. Just say you drove to the party] . However, the car, unfortunately, broke down in the middle of the road. We spent about 20 minutes trying to find out [normally, we would just say "find the problem", not find out the problem] the problem, and we also pushed it a lot to start it, but we just wore ourselves out without any result. My friend said, “Never mind, we can leave the car here and take a taxi.” I replied, “All right, but you should save money little by little and replace your awesome car!”

Would you kindly check my composition?


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Atatürk
Posted: Thursday, December 6, 2018 12:27:22 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/25/2018
Posts: 209
Neurons: 802
Much appreciated.

Advice and classroom hints are one thing, grammar rules are another. Michael Lewis (1986)
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