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An unhappy Options
Amybal
Posted: Saturday, October 13, 2018 12:01:12 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 337
Neurons: 1,840
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?

Short summary
An unhappy high school girl Nazuna planning to run away with adorkable classmate Norimichi on the night of a local summer fireworks display after troubled by her parents' separation.

Long summary
One summer day a group of sixth-grade boys have an argument about whether fireworks are round or flat when viewed from different angles and embark on a journey for the answer during the annual firework festival. That evening, however, one of their classmates, Nazuna, is troubled by her parents' separation and decides to choose one of the boys to run away with. What fate awaits these two in this summer night?
sureshot
Posted: Sunday, October 14, 2018 2:13:03 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2015
Posts: 2,022
Neurons: 372,150
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?

Short summary
An unhappy high school girl Nazuna planning to run away with adorkable classmate Norimichi on the night of a local summer fireworks display after troubled by her parents' separation.

Long summary
One summer day a group of sixth-grade boys have an argument about whether fireworks are round or flat when viewed from different angles and embark on a journey for the answer during the annual firework festival. That evening, however, one of their classmates, Nazuna, is troubled by her parents' separation and decides to choose one of the boys to run away with. What fate awaits these two in this summer night?


_____________

To me, the participle clause "troubled by her parents' separation" is required to be re-positioned as close as possible to the subject. The modified sentence could be:

Troubled by her parents' separation,Nazuna,a sixth-grade student, decides to run away on the night of a local summer fireworks display with "Norimichi" one of the boys in her class.

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