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A British-Caribbean dictator Options
Amybal
Posted: Friday, October 12, 2018 12:10:56 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 333
Neurons: 1,810
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?

Short summary
A British-Caribbean dictator flees his island nation and seeks refuge and hides with a rebellious teenage girl in suburban America.

Long summary
When political turmoil forces a British-Caribbean dictator to flee his island nation, he seeks refuge and hides with a rebellious teenage girl in suburban America, and ends up teaching the young teen how to start a revolution and overthrow the "mean girls" at her high school.
FounDit
Posted: Friday, October 12, 2018 2:01:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,522
Neurons: 50,572
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?
Too many "and's". It also feels odd to say he teaches her to start a revolution. What he does seems to be closer to teaching her how to stand up to a dominating group of bullies in school.

Short summary
A British-Caribbean dictator flees his island nation and seeks refuge with a rebellious teenage girl in suburban America.

Long summary
When political turmoil forces a British-Caribbean dictator to flee his island nation, he seeks refuge and hides with a rebellious teenage girl in suburban America. While there, he teaches the young teen how to stand up to the "mean girls" at her high school.


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Amybal
Posted: Saturday, October 13, 2018 11:48:16 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 333
Neurons: 1,810
Thank you for the comment. How about this?

Short summary
When a dictator is forced to return to his country, he seeks refuge and hides with a rebellious teenage girl in suburban America.

Long summary
When an outcast teen, Tatiana, gets a school assignment to write a letter to a person she admires, she jokingly writes to a foreign dictator named Hector because she likes his fashion sense. Hector takes to the admiration, and the two become unlikely pen pals, however, when Hector has to flee his country during a coup, he seeks refuge in the house of his only remaining friend.
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