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Carmenex
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 10:12:23 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 1,003
Neurons: 5,292
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
She is/(has been) attracted to the [company's name] Program by/(because of) the bank’s customer-centric culture. This/That culture is exemplified by the significant financial effort that the bank has produced to effectively tackle the mortgage tracker issue and make an offer of redress and compensation to virtually every single customer impacted. She also appreciates [company's name]’s capacity/capability to resurge/recover from the financial crisis in/of 2008, and, after a period of restructuring, to achieve a strong financial position with a bold plan to boost lending, with (any synonym to replace one of the two "with"?) a significant percentage of its loan-book growth being through international diversification.
FounDit
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 12:46:52 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,549
Neurons: 50,694
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
I suggest:

She is attracted to the [company's name] Program because of the bank’s customer-centric culture. That culture is exemplified by the significant financial effort that the bank has produced to effectively tackle the mortgage tracker issue and make an offer of redress and compensation to virtually every single (single is redundant, and though commonly used in daily speech, I find it a bit out of place in a business setting) customer impacted. She also appreciates [company's name]’s capacity to recover from the financial crisis of 2008, and, after a period of restructuring, to achieve a strong financial position with a bold plan to boost lending, by channeling a significant percentage of its loan-book growth through international diversification.


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Carmenex
Posted: Thursday, October 11, 2018 9:34:05 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 1,003
Neurons: 5,292
FounDit wrote:
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
I suggest:

She is attracted to the [company's name] Program because of the bank’s customer-centric culture. That culture is exemplified by the significant financial effort that the bank has produced to effectively tackle the mortgage tracker issue and make an offer of redress and compensation to virtually every single (single is redundant, and though commonly used in daily speech, I find it a bit out of place in a business setting) customer impacted. She also appreciates [company's name]’s capacity to recover from the financial crisis of 2008, and, after a period of restructuring, to achieve a strong financial position with a bold plan to boost lending, by channeling a significant percentage of its loan-book growth through international diversification.


Hi FounDit, and thank you for your suggestions. Do you mean that it would be better to just say: ... to virtually every customer impacted?
What do you think about replacing by channeling with including (or which includes), as follows:
... to achieve a strong financial position with a bold plan to boost lending, including (or which includes) a significant percentage of its loan-book growth through international diversification.?
FounDit
Posted: Thursday, October 11, 2018 11:52:42 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,549
Neurons: 50,694
Carmenex wrote:
FounDit wrote:
Carmenex wrote:
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
I suggest:

She is attracted to the [company's name] Program because of the bank’s customer-centric culture. That culture is exemplified by the significant financial effort that the bank has produced to effectively tackle the mortgage tracker issue and make an offer of redress and compensation to virtually every single (single is redundant, and though commonly used in daily speech, I find it a bit out of place in a business setting) customer impacted. She also appreciates [company's name]’s capacity to recover from the financial crisis of 2008, and, after a period of restructuring, to achieve a strong financial position with a bold plan to boost lending, by channeling a significant percentage of its loan-book growth through international diversification.


Hi FounDit, and thank you for your suggestions. Do you mean that it would be better to just say: ... to virtually every customer impacted?
Yes.

What do you think about replacing by channeling with including (or which includes), as follows:
... to achieve a strong financial position with a bold plan to boost lending, including (or which includes) a significant percentage of its loan-book growth through international diversification.?

I chose "channeling" because it conveys an active process that is designed to increase the financial position. I thought it fit better with the description of a "bold" plan.

Using "including" or "which includes" seemed more passive to me, but you could certainly use it if you like. If you do choose that route, I would suggest "which includes" as the phrase to use.


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
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