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A Texan in Switzerland (a joke) Options
coag
Posted: Saturday, October 6, 2018 10:30:32 PM

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A Texan is taking a walking holiday through the Swiss mountains and is amazed to see what appears to be so many very small farms. He sees a farmer leaning on a gate sucking on his pipe so he approaches him and asks just how big his farm his.
The farmer takes his pipe out of his mouth and points to his apple tree, his barn and his house and tells the Texan that that is the extent of his farm.
The Texan proudly tells the Swiss farmer that back home it takes him over one day to drive round his farm in his truck.
The Swiss farmer sucks on his pipe and nods.
"Yah, I used to have a truck like that"
(English Forum, Switzerland)
FounDit
Posted: Sunday, October 7, 2018 10:14:40 AM

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Applause Applause Applause Applause Applause ROTFLMAO...Excellent! I hope I can remember that one the next time someone starts telling jokes.

We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Tuesday, October 9, 2018 12:14:43 AM

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Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
A similar one told by a German friend . . .

A Texan visiting Germany is being shown around by a local.
The German points out the Cathedral and the Texan says "Back home, a village chapel is bigger than that!"
They drive out into the country and see some cattle and the Texan says "Back home they'd be considered runts!"
This goes on . . . and on.
Then the Texan spots a hedgehog dead at the side of the road. He's never seen such a creature before and asks what it is.
The German says, drily, "Oh - that just a flea from one of the local wild dogs."

Some of the Swiss jokes on the link were pretty good - some I just didn't get (to topically Swiss).


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Tuesday, October 9, 2018 6:40:42 AM

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Found from the net:


Three construction workers, an Australian, a Finn and a Swede, are sitting on a beam on the tenth floor about to have their lunch.

The Australian opens his lunch box and says "Bloody hell - meat pies again! Every day it's bloody meat pies! If I get meat pies again tomorrow, I'm going to jump!"

The Finn opens up his lunch next. "Saatana! Makkara (sausage) again! Always sausages! If I get sausage tomorrow, I'm gonna jump too!"

The Swede is the last to open up his lunch. "Ah crap - meatballs again! Why always meatballs? If I get meatballs tomorrow, I'm going to jump too!"

The next day the Aussie opens his lunch box and it's a meat pie... He jumps to his death.

The Finn opens his lunch box and, yes, it's a sausage. He too jumps to his death.

The Swede opens his lunch and sadly there's a pile of meatballs, so he jumps too.

The three widows of the construction workers are talking at the funeral and the Aussie's wife says "I don't understand. I thought my husband loved meat pies! If he didn't want them he should have said something!"

The Finnish widow says "Same here - I thought my husband wanted sausages! Why didn't he say something?"

The Swede's widow says, "I don't get it... my husband made his own lunch."


In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
BobShilling
Posted: Tuesday, October 9, 2018 8:13:43 AM
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Location: Beroun, Stredocesky, Czech Republic
Applause

I take it that Swedes are to Finns what the Irish are to the British and Poles are to mericans.
Jyrkkä Jätkä
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 5:07:53 AM

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Joined: 9/21/2009
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Location: Helsinki, Southern Finland Province, Finland
You are quite right, Bob. ;-)

This is one I heard years ago:

An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman once climbed on top of a mountain to meet a famous guru. They asked the guru what is the purpose of life. The guru said: "Jump down from that cliff behind you. On the way down you will see the answer."

The men said to the guru that they will die if they jump. The guru said: "No. When you jump, just say a word of some thing you would like to land on, and that will happen."

So, the Englishman jumped, and said "hays", and landed on a pile of hays, uninjured. The Scot jumped next, said "pillows", and landed on a pile of pillows.

The Irishman went to the cliff, and just when he was going to jump he stumbled to a small stone, and said "Oh, shit!"


In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, October 11, 2018 1:57:44 AM

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I believe there are some countries (France comes to mind) where 'English jokes" are (or were) common.
Of course, that's just racist and discriminatory. Whistle Whistle

Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
BobShilling
Posted: Thursday, October 11, 2018 3:41:04 AM
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Location: Beroun, Stredocesky, Czech Republic
Drag0nspeaker wrote:

Of course, that's just racist and discriminatory.


Quite!

Jokes about Irish, Scottish and Welsh people are, however, perfectly acceptable, because they rely on FACTS - scientifically observable national characteristics.
coag
Posted: Thursday, October 11, 2018 4:41:45 AM

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Drag0nspeaker wrote:
I believe there are some countries (France comes to mind) where 'English jokes" are (or were) common.
Of course, that's just racist and discriminatory. Whistle Whistle

It seems that the English fare well in French jokes. According to this article
The nations the French love to make fun of the most,
French people tell jokes about the Belgians, and the Swiss.

"Why don’t the Belgians eat pretzels? Because they can’t untangle the knots."

"Two Swiss are walking in the woods. Suddenly one turns around and squishes a snail. 'It was irritating me! It’s been following us for half an hour,'"

"What’s the difference between a poor Swiss and a rich Swiss? The poor Swiss has to wash his Mercedes himself."
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