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is inherent vs comes naturally Options
Carmenex
Posted: Wednesday, October 3, 2018 9:56:39 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 1,018
Neurons: 5,369
Hi, I would please ask you if the expressions in bold are correct in the following:
She would be very enthusiastic about working with new colleagues from different divisions such as ... In the course of her academic and professional career, (as an)/for example, she successfully collaborated with colleagues from such diverse teams as ... (in order to establish)/(for establishing) an industrial partnership to produce a polymeric inter-layer for safety glass. Therefore, having/establishing (a?) fruitful, multidisciplinary interaction with (other new)/(new other) professionals throughout/across the organisation is something that (is inherent)/(comes naturally) to her and (that?) she has significantly experienced of. Moreover, she would see it as an opportunity to further/expand her skills in the area/field of financial mathematics and (to?) apply them to contribute/contributing to creating/developing financial products around clients’ specific needs.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, October 3, 2018 10:54:52 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 30,664
Neurons: 182,069
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hi Carmenex.

I realise I may be repeating a message you don't want to hear, but - it's too complex. It's difficult to read. I had to read it through three times to work out what exactly was the subject of "is inherent" or "comes naturally".

However, ignoring that objection (which is more 'stylistic' than grammar) . . .

1. I don't understand the use of "would" in the first sentence. It makes it sound as if she has never co-operated with anyone but - if she did collaborate with any colleagues at some point in the future, she WOULD BE enthusiastic about it.
Either 'she is enthusiastic about cooperation' or 'she has enthusiastically cooperated'.

2. The phrases "for establishing", "new other", "throughout" don't seem to quite fit (I prefer your alternatives).
The others all sound OK (though may need to be altered slightly).

"A" seems needed before "fruitful multidisciplinary interaction".
"Inherent" often takes the preposition "in". ". . . is inherent in her" or ". . . comes naturally to her". To answer your other points:

3. The second clause of that sentence does not work. You do not 'experience of something' - you "experience it".
You could say "and is something which she has significant experience of" (using 'experience' as a noun).

4. The last sentence has several verbs, some infinitive and some with different subjects. It is not easy to spot relationships between phrases (without dissecting and analysing the sentence, which a recruiter is not going to spend time doing).
What is an opportunity to expand her skills?
She would apply what to developing financial products?

**************
She is very enthusiastic about working with new colleagues from different divisions such as ... .
In the course of her academic and professional career, for example, she successfully collaborated with colleagues from such diverse teams as . . . and . . . in establishing an industrial partnership to produce a polymeric inter-layer for safety glass.
Therefore, having a fruitful, multidisciplinary interaction with other professionals across the organisation is something which comes naturally to her and which she has significant experience of.
Moreover, she would see this interaction as being an opportunity to expand her skills in the field of financial mathematics and would apply these skills to developing financial products around clients’ specific needs.


(Personally, I would probably use more simple language - just because I like it that way.)

**************
A final point is probably handled by context (including WHO will be reading this, and what post is being applied for).

The final sentence talks about skill in financial maths and creating financial products.

However, the experience shown (by the anecdotes in the early part) is in industrial chemistry - collaborating in developing and producing a new polymer.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Carmenex
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 9:38:15 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/7/2014
Posts: 1,018
Neurons: 5,369
Drag0nspeaker wrote:
Hi Carmenex.

I realise I may be repeating a message you don't want to hear, but - it's too complex. It's difficult to read. I had to read it through three times to work out what exactly was the subject of "is inherent" or "comes naturally".

However, ignoring that objection (which is more 'stylistic' than grammar) . . .

1. I don't understand the use of "would" in the first sentence. It makes it sound as if she has never co-operated with anyone but - if she did collaborate with any colleagues at some point in the future, she WOULD BE enthusiastic about it.
Either 'she is enthusiastic about cooperation' or 'she has enthusiastically cooperated'.

2. The phrases "for establishing", "new other", "throughout" don't seem to quite fit (I prefer your alternatives).
The others all sound OK (though may need to be altered slightly).

"A" seems needed before "fruitful multidisciplinary interaction".
"Inherent" often takes the preposition "in". ". . . is inherent in her" or ". . . comes naturally to her". To answer your other points:

3. The second clause of that sentence does not work. You do not 'experience of something' - you "experience it".
You could say "and is something which she has significant experience of" (using 'experience' as a noun).

4. The last sentence has several verbs, some infinitive and some with different subjects. It is not easy to spot relationships between phrases (without dissecting and analysing the sentence, which a recruiter is not going to spend time doing).
What is an opportunity to expand her skills?
She would apply what to developing financial products?

**************
She is very enthusiastic about working with new colleagues from different divisions such as ... .
In the course of her academic and professional career, for example, she successfully collaborated with colleagues from such diverse teams as . . . and . . . in establishing an industrial partnership to produce a polymeric inter-layer for safety glass.
Therefore, having a fruitful, multidisciplinary interaction with other professionals across the organisation is something which comes naturally to her and which she has significant experience of.
Moreover, she would see this interaction as being an opportunity to expand her skills in the field of financial mathematics and would apply these skills to developing financial products around clients’ specific needs.


(Personally, I would probably use more simple language - just because I like it that way.)

**************
A final point is probably handled by context (including WHO will be reading this, and what post is being applied for).

The final sentence talks about skill in financial maths and creating financial products.

However, the experience shown (by the anecdotes in the early part) is in industrial chemistry - collaborating in developing and producing a new polymer.


Hi Drag0nspeaker, and thank you for your helpful advice. I agree with all of your suggestions, expect for the use of would in the first sentence. What do you mean with if she did collaborate with any colleagues at some point in the future, she WOULD BE enthusiastic about it.? I use would because it is implied If she has the chance to do it in this new role. What do you think about it?
With regard to the last sentence, is it possible to split it into two, as follows:
Moreover, she would see this interaction as being an opportunity to expand her skills in the field of financial mathematics, (of?) which she gained a grounding (of?) in the course of her degree studies. It would also be for her an opportunity to apply these skills to developing financial products around clients’ specific needs.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 10:54:29 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 30,664
Neurons: 182,069
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hi!

I see what went wrong concerning the first part.

I didn't really take account of the omitted bit. I applied the "In the course of her academic and professional career" (very general time period) to the first sentence - but it is a separate thought with several phrases in between.
You're right - if the 'divisions' named are the ones existing connected to the job being applied for (which is very likely) then the sentence is not "a vague possibility sometime" but "almost definite, depending on acceptance".

"Would" should work OK.

****************
The two sentences at the end sound OK. It's a good idea.
You COULD just add another clause, but it would seem too much.
Though I'm not usually very formal-speaking, I think that "of which she" sounds much better in this case than "which she . . . of.".


She would be very enthusiastic about working with new colleagues from different divisions such as ... [yours]
In the course of her academic and professional career, for example, she successfully collaborated with colleagues from such diverse teams as . . . and . . . in establishing an industrial partnership to produce a polymeric inter-layer for safety glass.
Therefore, having a fruitful, multidisciplinary interaction with other professionals across the organisation is something which comes naturally to her and which she has significant experience of.
Moreover, she would see this interaction as being an opportunity to expand her skills in the field of financial mathematics (of which she gained a grounding in the course of her degree studies). It would also be for her an opportunity to apply these skills to developing financial products around clients’ specific needs.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
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