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The girl arrived five minutes behind Options
Nikitus
Posted: Monday, October 1, 2018 10:40:35 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
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Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all the help and time.


Are the following sentences grammatically correct?

"The girl arrived five minutes behind, greeted him profusely with a smile in her face, which disconcerted Bill. A long time ago he had been observing people from far away, like a hermit who always returns to his cave, but unlike them, Bill simply preferred to evade himself and relate to very few people."

Thanks.
sureshot
Posted: Tuesday, October 2, 2018 9:29:48 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2015
Posts: 2,022
Neurons: 373,569
Nikitus wrote:
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all the help and time.


Are the following sentences grammatically correct?

"The girl arrived five minutes behind, greeted him profusely with a smile in her face, which disconcerted Bill. A long time ago he had been observing people from far away, like a hermit who always returns to his cave, but unlike them, Bill simply preferred to evade himself and relate to very few people."

Thanks.


_____________

"Behind" has a variety of meanings. It can be used as a preposition and also as an adverb. In the given sentence, the intended sense is understood by using "behind". However,in my view, it is not an appropriate word in the given context. I would prefer to use "later" instead of "behind". Here, it means "after the time you are talking about"
thar
Posted: Tuesday, October 2, 2018 11:28:29 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/8/2010
Posts: 17,853
Neurons: 72,397
1
arrived.... behind


This feels wrong for two reasons. 'Behind' needs a noun. eg 'behind him'.

And if you think of two people moving, you can be five mintutes behind someone, because that is a distance expressed as time

eg
he is a mile behind me
he is ten cars behind me
he is five minutes behind me

that is all expressing a distance in terms of some other measurement, but it is still a distancce.

You don't arrive behind someone, because you arrive at the same place.

You arrive later, or after someone.

2
in your first sentence, you have two inflected verbs.
She arrived
she greeted him.

If you had three verbs, you could express that as a list, 2 separated by commas and the third with 'and'.
She arrived five minutes after him, greeted him profusely and gave him a beaming smile.

But you don't have three verbs. You have two.
You can't just join these together with a comma.
If you have two statements they need to be joined with a conjuction.

She arrived five minutes after him and greeted him with a beaming smile.


3
The final sentence - take note of who your subject is - the subject is Bill, but by the end you say that unlike x, Bill preferred to do something else. I guess you mean like hermit, but that hermit is not part of the main sentence.

It is in a clause separated by commas. If you take it away, you get:

A long time ago he had been observing people from far away, but unlike them, Bill simply preferred to evade himself and relate to very few people."

Can you see that your subject is still Bill, and you are saying 'unlike Bill, Bill prefers....'
Which makes no sense.

Don't try to push it all into one sentence because you are losing sight of who the subject is.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Tuesday, October 2, 2018 11:41:43 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 30,140
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Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
I hate to add another thing here, but 'evade himself' does not really make sense to me.

"evade" means "avoid" or "escape" - you evade taxes (don't pay), or evade a question (don't answer). Someone who is running away may evade his pursuers ('lose' them so they can't follow him any more).
But you can't evade yourself.

evade vb (mainly tr)
1. to get away from or avoid (imprisonment, captors, etc); escape
2. to get around, shirk, or dodge (the law, a duty, etc)
3. (also intr) to avoid answering (a question)

Collins English Dictionary

Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
ozok
Posted: Tuesday, October 2, 2018 1:11:16 PM
Rank: Member

Joined: 7/24/2018
Posts: 118
Neurons: 618


I also hate to add another thing here, but I prefer 'a smile on her face' instead of 'a smile in her face'



just sayin'
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