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Is the bold part OK? Options
Koh Elaine
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2018 7:19:58 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/4/2012
Posts: 3,569
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Q-Harjono (Harry Zanudin):
WHAT TO DO IF SUDDENLY YOU ARE UNABLE TO PASS URINE ...

Recently I met a famous allopathy doctor on account of a medical article. He is in his 70's and an ENT specialist. It was astonishing to listen to one of his experiences which he shared.
That morning one day he had a problem on waking up. He had an urge to pass urine but for some reason he was unable to do so. At an advanced age some people face such a problem some times and if they try two or three times they may succeed. He tried repeatedly but nothing happened. His continuous efforts didn’t bear any result. Then he realised there is a problem. Although he is a doctor he is no exception to such physical problems as he is also made of flesh and blood like everyone else. Now his lower abdomen became heavy and he was unable to sit or stand and was suffering from the pressure buildup. Immediately he called up a known urologist on the phone and explained his situation. The Urologist replied “I am at present in a hospital in the outskirts and I will be at a clinic in your area in one and a half hours. Will you be able to withstand it for that long?” He replied “I will try”.
At that instant he received an incoming call from another allopathy doctor, a childhood friend. With great difficulty the old doctor explained the situation to his friend.
His friend replied “Oh, your bladder is full and you are unable to pass urine. Don’t worry, do as I suggest and you will be able to overcome it”.
And he gave the instruction: *“Stand up and jump vigorously … while jumping lift both your hands as though you are plucking mangoes from a tree. Do that 15 to 20 times”.*
What?
With a full bladder he wants me to jump?
Though a little sceptical the old doctor tried it. What a relief to him when within 5 to 6 jumps urine started passing. He felt overjoyed and thankful to his childhood friend for solving the issue with such a simple method which otherwise would have required an admission to a hospital where they would have inserted a catheter inside the bladder, injections, anti-biotics etc etc etc resulting in a bill over thousands of Ringgit in addition to physical and mental stress for him and his near and dear ones.


Is the bold part grammatically OK?

Thanks.
palapaguy
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2018 10:12:17 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/28/2013
Posts: 938
Neurons: 9,728
Location: Calabasas, California, United States
Koh Elaine wrote:
Q-Harjono (Harry Zanudin):
WHAT TO DO IF SUDDENLY YOU ARE UNABLE TO PASS URINE ...

Is the bold part grammatically OK?

Thanks.


Didn't notice the grammar, but I LOVED the story!! Applause Applause
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Saturday, June 9, 2018 3:12:45 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 29,077
Neurons: 166,929
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hi Koh Elaine.

There are some changes I would make - but it is good as you have written it.
My changes are mainly in the idiom connected with institutions (hospital, surgery and so on). British idiom tends to use this sort of word with no article.
I have also changed the punctuation a little.

Though a little sceptical the old doctor tried it. What a relief to him when within 5 to 6 jumps urine started passing. He felt overjoyed and thankful to his childhood friend for solving the issue with such a simple method which otherwise would have required: admission to hospital where they would have inserted a catheter into the bladder; injections; anti-biotics etc. etc. etc. - resulting in a bill of thousands of Ringgit and physical and mental stress for him and his near and dear ones.

If you wanted to be very 'British colloquial' - as if you were really telling the story to a friend - it would be rather different.

He was sceptical, but he tried it. He was really relieved when five or six jumps did the trick. He was really pleased and would have thanked his old friend for such a simple solution. The normal doctor's solution would have included catheters, operations, injections and a stay in hospital - all of which would have cost thousands of Ringgit and would have caused his family a lot of stress.
(some people may use other, more 'colourful', idiomatic phrases for 'the urine started passing')


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Koh Elaine
Posted: Saturday, June 9, 2018 3:33:26 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/4/2012
Posts: 3,569
Neurons: 14,695
Thanks, DragOnspeaker.

It wasn't written by me. I was baffled that it was just one long sentence, and I wondered if it was correctly phrased.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Saturday, June 9, 2018 3:48:17 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 29,077
Neurons: 166,929
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Yes - it is a long sentence.
When I wrote it as I would naturally speak, I split it into two sentences, and (in the more formal first version) split the main part of it using a dash and semi-colons (instead of lots of commas).

It was 'correct', but could be more easy to read.

***********
Personally I like to hear "Asian English" - which is several dialects, from India, mainland China, Taiwan, many countries in between, and the island states - yours is Malaysian, isn't it?
The English taught in India, Asia and the Pacific tends to sound a little 'poetic' compared to how we speak here.

Colloquial British English is 'colourful', but tends to be 'brief', using fewer words and shorter sentences (I sometimes call it 'lazy', but it is really just "succinct").


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Koh Elaine
Posted: Saturday, June 9, 2018 7:53:22 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/4/2012
Posts: 3,569
Neurons: 14,695
Thanks again, DragOnspeaker.
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