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Amybal
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2018 3:27:05 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 359
Neurons: 1,958
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?

Short summary
When a young woman, Rasty brings along her four friends to visit the villa owned by his parent as for a vacation, strange events begins to happen after the arrival of a little girl.

Long sumamry
A young woman, Rasty invites her four friends to visit the villa owned by his parents, which meant to be a vacation. While driving to the villa, they almost hit a little girl named Lily. Rasty then invited Lily to stay with her. Since Lily’s arrival at the villa, strange events begins to happen. Lily has befriended a spirit named Arumi. To make things worse, Lily tells Rasty that Arumi want all of them to die. Who is Arumi and what does it have to do with Rasty's past?
FounDit
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2018 3:51:29 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,568
Neurons: 50,771
Amybal wrote:
Hi, do you see anything grammatically wrong in these sentence?
Rasty is a girl, so the villa should be owned by "her" parents. I suggest a bit of rewording for smoother reading.

Short summary
When a young woman named Rasty takes four of her friends for a vacation at her parents villa, strange events begins to happen after they invite a little girl to join them.

Long sumamry
A young woman, Rasty, invites four friends to vacation with her at her parents villa. While driving to the villa, they almost hit a little girl named Lily. As a way of apologizing, Rasty then invites Lily to stay with them. After Lily’s arrival at the villa, strange events begins to happen. Lily has befriended a spirit named Arumi. To make things worse, Lily tells Rasty that Arumi want all of them to die. Who is Arumi, and what does it have to do with Rasty's past?


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
NKM
Posted: Friday, June 8, 2018 5:19:48 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/14/2015
Posts: 4,917
Neurons: 270,072
Location: Corinth, New York, United States
… strange events begin to happen. (Not "begins")

… Arumi wants all of them to die.

draoubelkacem
Posted: Saturday, June 9, 2018 7:36:41 AM

Rank: Member

Joined: 11/22/2017
Posts: 76
Neurons: 153,891
Location: Médéa, Medea, Algeria
i don't know
FounDit
Posted: Saturday, June 9, 2018 10:56:56 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 9,568
Neurons: 50,771
NKM wrote:
… strange events begin to happen. (Not "begins")

… Arumi wants all of them to die.



Good catch, NKM! I can't believe I missed both of those. Thanks.


We should look to the past to learn from it, not destroy our future because of it — FounDit
Amybal
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2018 6:09:03 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/8/2018
Posts: 359
Neurons: 1,958
Thank you so much FounDit and NKM. This helps a lot.
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