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Swing shut? Options
Palinkasocsi
Posted: Friday, May 4, 2018 12:52:15 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2011
Posts: 668
Neurons: 3,463
Dear Friends,

Could anyone please check this for vocabulary:

Kate and Patrik arrive at the door at the same time. Patrik is carrying a box. They are heading in the same direction. Eszter reaches the door a bit earlier. She passes through it, and instead of holding it until Patrik gets there, she swing shuts it in Patrik’s face. As a reaction Patrik says:

Patrik: Thanks.

1. Is 'pass through the door' okay here? OR Is 'walk through' better? 'Pass through' may imply the presence of a ghost.
2. What about 'swing shut'? OR 'lets the door shut in his face'?

Thank you!

Pal
thar
Posted: Friday, May 4, 2018 1:21:30 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/8/2010
Posts: 17,991
Neurons: 72,982
Palinkasocsi wrote:
Dear Friends,

Could anyone please check this for vocabulary:

Kate and Patrik arrive at the door at the same time. Patrik is carrying a box. They are heading in the same direction. Eszter reaches the door a bit earlier. She passes through it, and instead of holding it until Patrik gets there, she swing shuts it in Patrik’s face. As a reaction Patrik says:

Patrik: Thanks.

1. Is 'pass through the door' okay here? OR Is 'walk through' better? 'Pass through' may imply the presence of a ghost.
She doesn't pass through or walk through the door. As you say, the door is solid. She walks through the doorway.

2. What about 'swing shut'? OR 'lets the door shut in his face'?
The door swings shut, or she swings the door shut (a deliberate action) or she lets the door swing shut (does nothing to stop it happening). So the meanings are different.
When this is transitive, the preposition goes after the object, not before it.


Thank you!

Pal


The timing is odd.
This is all in the historical present, so it should be linear.
But you have events that happened earlier described later. This really calls for the present perfect.

You have:
K and P arrive at the same time.
E reaches it earlier.

That feels odd!

K and P arrive at the same time.
E has already reached it, and lets the door swing back in P's face.

Also, if it is his face, that implies he is next there, before K. Otherwise it would be in both their faces!
IMcRout
Posted: Friday, May 4, 2018 1:28:50 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 35,382
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Location: Lübeck, Schleswig-Holstein, Germany
I fear K and E are meant to be the same person. Whistle

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. (Anon)
thar
Posted: Friday, May 4, 2018 1:38:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 7/8/2010
Posts: 17,991
Neurons: 72,982
Ah,...OK. If you say so Think
So they arrive at (reach) the door at the same time but she goes through it first.

I am sure he deserved it. Whistle
Palinkasocsi
Posted: Friday, May 4, 2018 3:31:55 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2011
Posts: 668
Neurons: 3,463
Thank you very much! Applause

Pal
NKM
Posted: Friday, May 4, 2018 6:16:27 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/14/2015
Posts: 4,958
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Location: Corinth, New York, United States
How big is that box?

If Patrik has his hands full, it should be incumbent on either or both of the "ladies" to hold the door for him.

Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Saturday, May 5, 2018 10:09:26 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 30,401
Neurons: 179,177
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
I have no disagreements with anything said here. The sequence and the verb were the main things.

I just wanted to say that it is (for me) a lot simpler to tell a story using normal tenses.
I've mentioned it before (probably in one of Nikitus's topics) that the 'present in the past' is a tool to make an action more 'immediate' and to get an emotional response from the reader/listener.
It is usually used in moderation (in the novels I read anyway) - just for special exciting or very active bits.

Kate and Patrik arrive at the door at the same time. Patrik is carrying a box. They are heading in the same direction. Eszter reaches the door a bit earlier. She passes through it, and instead of holding it until Patrik gets there, she swing shuts it in Patrik’s face. As a reaction Patrik says:

Patrik: Thanks.


When Kate arrived at the door, Patrick arrived at the same time in the same direction, carrying a box. Eszter had arrived right before them, and gone through, but she didn't hold the door.

"Slam!", the door bangs right in Patrick's face!

"Thanks" said Patrick.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Palinkasocsi
Posted: Sunday, May 27, 2018 5:24:23 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2011
Posts: 668
Neurons: 3,463
Thank you!

Pal
Eoin Riedy
Posted: Sunday, May 27, 2018 6:28:11 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 8/28/2016
Posts: 182
Neurons: 1,099
Location: St. Louis, Missouri, United States
Palinkasocsi wrote:
Dear Friends,

Could anyone please check this for vocabulary:

Kate and Patrik arrive at the door at the same time. Patrik is carrying a box. They are heading in the same direction. Eszter reaches the door a bit earlier. She passes through it, and instead of holding it until Patrik gets there, she swing shuts it in Patrik’s face. As a reaction Patrik says:

Patrik: Thanks.

1. Is 'pass through the door' okay here? OR Is 'walk through' better? 'Pass through' may imply the presence of a ghost.
2. What about 'swing shut'? OR 'lets the door shut in his face'?

Thank you!

Pal

It makes me think of a sequence in a comedy album, The First Family, that parodies Jaqueline Kenndey's tour of the White House.

"If your cameras will just move though these oak panel doors over here on our left we will begin..."

[loud crashing noises drown out the monologue]

"...which was named after our thirty-fifth president. I can't help but wish your cameramen had opened the doors before they moved their heavy cameras through them."

Vaughn Meader, The First Family, 1962
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