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Before the bearded criminal could respond Options
Nikitus
Posted: Friday, April 6, 2018 10:19:09 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
Posts: 308
Neurons: 1,479
Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all your help and time.

Are the following sentences grammatically correct?

"Before the bearded criminal could respond, the leader made a gesture with his right hand, which caught the attention of everyone present inside the abandoned warehouse. Suddenly, a man with a serious expression in his face, dressed in a sober navy blue vest and black pants, greeted the leader of the group, and then began to speak to everyone."


Thanks.
TMe
Posted: Friday, April 6, 2018 10:36:33 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/12/2017
Posts: 584
Neurons: 3,732
Its okay.

A small addition I suggest; IMO

"Before the bearded criminal could respond, the leader made a gesture with his right hand, which caught the attention of everyone present inside the abandoned warehouse. Suddenly, a man with a serious expression on his face, dressed in a sober navy blue vest and black pants, appeared greeted the leader of the group, and then began to speak to everyone."

I am a layman.
FounDit
Posted: Friday, April 6, 2018 10:41:45 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 8,785
Neurons: 47,274
Nikitus wrote:
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all your help and time.

Are the following sentences grammatically correct?
I would assume you have already told your readers that the group is inside a warehouse, so that could be omitted. I would omit the comma after "group" because the man did two things -- he greeted the leader and began to speak to the group.

"Before the bearded criminal could respond, the leader made a gesture with his right hand, which caught the attention of everyone present. Suddenly, a man with a serious expression on his face, dressed in a sober navy blue vest and black pants, greeted the leader of the group and then began to speak to everyone."


Thanks.


A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Nikitus
Posted: Friday, April 6, 2018 11:49:35 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
Posts: 308
Neurons: 1,479
Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
TMe wrote:
Its okay.

A small addition I suggest; IMO

"Before the bearded criminal could respond, the leader made a gesture with his right hand, which caught the attention of everyone present inside the abandoned warehouse. Suddenly, a man with a serious expression on his face, dressed in a sober navy blue vest and black pants, appeared greeted the leader of the group, and then began to speak to everyone."


Thanks!
Nikitus
Posted: Friday, April 6, 2018 11:51:21 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/17/2013
Posts: 308
Neurons: 1,479
Location: Viña del Mar, Valparaiso, Chile
FounDit wrote:
Nikitus wrote:
Hello.

First of all, thanks for all your help and time.

Are the following sentences grammatically correct?
I would assume you have already told your readers that the group is inside a warehouse, so that could be omitted.

Yes, I did it.

I would omit the comma after "group" because the man did two things -- he greeted the leader and began to speak to the group.

Understood.


"Before the bearded criminal could respond, the leader made a gesture with his right hand, which caught the attention of everyone present. Suddenly, a man with a serious expression on his face, dressed in a sober navy blue vest and black pants, greeted the leader of the group and then began to speak to everyone."


Thanks.



Thanks.
Parpar1836
Posted: Sunday, April 8, 2018 9:24:20 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/30/2014
Posts: 175
Neurons: 8,797
Location: Rochester, New York, United States
Before the bearded criminal could respond, the leader raised his right hand and gestured emphatically, which caught the attention of everyone present. Suddenly, a serious-looking man wearing a sober navy-blue vest and black pants stood up, approached the leader, greeted him, and began to address the gathering.
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