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sarah71
Posted: Monday, March 12, 2018 3:18:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/18/2011
Posts: 554
Neurons: 78,217
Location: Turin, Piedmont, Italy
Hi,
These few lines are a short bio on Bandcamp's site, would you please help me with the grammar?

Leading Garage Band in the Eighties with the groundbreaking "Faces" album, The Sick Rose evolved through the decades into adulthood as a true r'n'r band, beyond any typical stereotypes. "Someplace Better", the band's 7th album, represents the sum total of all their influences and experiences. It will be released on March 15th, 2017.


Thank you very much,

Sarah
Clyde of Oz
Posted: Monday, March 12, 2018 5:20:04 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 12/22/2014
Posts: 197
Neurons: 4,191
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
My only comment is: do you really mean 2017?
sarah71
Posted: Monday, March 12, 2018 5:41:20 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/18/2011
Posts: 554
Neurons: 78,217
Location: Turin, Piedmont, Italy
Clyde of Oz wrote:
My only comment is: do you really mean 2017?


Of course not, it's a typo :)

Any advice about the grammar?
PlanetOfGiants
Posted: Monday, March 12, 2018 2:20:19 PM

Rank: Member

Joined: 7/4/2014
Posts: 41
Neurons: 62,946
Quote:
Leading Garage Band in the Eighties with the groundbreaking "Faces" album, The Sick Rose evolved through the decades into adulthood as a true r'n'r band, beyond any typical stereotypes.


This might be better as:

Leading Garage Band in the Eighties, with the groundbreaking "Faces" album, The Sick Rose evolved through the decades into adulthood as a true r'n'r band beyond any typical stereotypes.

This obeys the sub-clause rule
sarah71
Posted: Tuesday, March 13, 2018 4:34:44 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/18/2011
Posts: 554
Neurons: 78,217
Location: Turin, Piedmont, Italy
PlanetOfGiants wrote:
Quote:
Leading Garage Band in the Eighties with the groundbreaking "Faces" album, The Sick Rose evolved through the decades into adulthood as a true r'n'r band, beyond any typical stereotypes.


This might be better as:

Leading Garage Band in the Eighties, with the groundbreaking "Faces" album, The Sick Rose evolved through the decades into adulthood as a true r'n'r band beyond any typical stereotypes.

This obeys the sub-clause rule


Hi PlanetofGiants,
Thanks a lot for answering me, YOU were really helpful. I'm going to correct the text on Bandcamp right now.

Have a nice day,

Sarah
sarah71
Posted: Tuesday, March 13, 2018 4:36:15 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 2/18/2011
Posts: 554
Neurons: 78,217
Location: Turin, Piedmont, Italy
PlanetOfGiants wrote:
Quote:
Leading Garage Band in the Eighties with the groundbreaking "Faces" album, The Sick Rose evolved through the decades into adulthood as a true r'n'r band, beyond any typical stereotypes.


This might be better as:

Leading Garage Band in the Eighties, with the groundbreaking "Faces" album, The Sick Rose evolved through the decades into adulthood as a true r'n'r band beyond any typical stereotypes.

This obeys the sub-clause rule


I have one more question: does "sum total" sound natural? I'm not so sure..
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