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nani_n
Posted: Sunday, July 23, 2017 7:26:31 AM
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Joined: 6/3/2016
Posts: 42
Neurons: 235
hi everyone. I have a question but maybe it sounds odd.

when (at what age) in your country people find their ways and fate?
Харбин Хэйлунцзян 1
Posted: Sunday, July 23, 2017 7:37:29 AM

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Location: Dzerzhinskiy, Moskovskaya, Russia
nani_n wrote:
hi everyone. I have a question but maybe it sounds odd.

when (at what age) in your country people find their ways and fate?




აბა ყვავებს ვინ დაიჭერს, კარგო? გალიაში ბულბულები ზიან.
Romany
Posted: Sunday, July 23, 2017 6:55:21 PM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/14/2009
Posts: 12,349
Neurons: 37,566
Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom

Nani - do you mean at what ages do we start to be considered adults - to manage our own lives? e.g. driving licences, voting, getting married etc?
nani_n
Posted: Sunday, July 23, 2017 11:36:07 PM
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Joined: 6/3/2016
Posts: 42
Neurons: 235
I have a colleague who is 42 years old and single. He doesn't know what he wants in his life and what he should do. I think he can't find his way in the life.I knew him for 8 years and he doesn't change in these years.

Or another one, she is 33 years old and single. At this moment she wants to immigrate to another country but where? she doesn't know. I think she doesn't find her way either and I knew her for 6 years, from then she wanted to immigrate and I think this story will be continued.

The other one is 30 years old. She does whatever she likes in her life. she is an adventurer. At this moment she is pregnant and waiting for a baby. she enjoyed all the years of her life and I think this is a routine life.

So why some people can't find their lives?

Do you have similar people in your around which don't know how to live? how old are they?

I want to know are there similar people in different countries which can't find their ways? at what age do you think they can find their way?
TMe
Posted: Monday, July 24, 2017 2:32:02 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/12/2017
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Neurons: 2,603
Fate and attitude decide this question.

In my country sometimes it's at the age of 10, 21, or 35, sometimes at 65 and sometimes never.Eh? Eh? Eh?

I am a layman.
Romany
Posted: Monday, July 24, 2017 7:15:37 AM
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Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom

Nani -

My experiences all around the world have been that people are pretty much the same everywhere the live in the world. We'd do anything for our families; we hate war, we love to laugh, we feel pressured and, yes, some of us go through our whole lives waiting for something to happen, but not taking any steps to *make* anything happen.

In fact, I think the vast majority of people live their lives in this way. It's those who go and make their own fate who are the exceptions. And perhaps this is necessary for the stability of communities everywhere?

Also - there seems to be an almost world-wide move against the old ways of school, closely followed by marriage & babies - and then, often for women, they start all over again with the next generation of grandchildren!

We're seeing that more people than we ever realised aren't happy with this process. They put off childbearing into their 30's so don't worry about trying to start families. Some are even able to express that they don't want, ever, to be married. After all, one has just to look around one to understand that marriage and family etc. is not Paradise on Earth!

So I think it's because we have never really had choices before. Especially us women. Now that we DO have choices, a lot of people, in countries all around the globe, are now making those choices for themselves and are not tied down as much by societal or familial expectations. I, personally, welcome this change, but a lot of people find it disturbing and some even find it threatening.


Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Monday, July 24, 2017 4:39:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
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Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Ask any western 3-year-old what they're going to be when they grow up and they'll tell you - Fireman, Space pilot, nurse, demolitions expert! - they've decided on their future.

It's the ones who fail to make that happen, or don't decide that something else is more worthwhile, who just drift.

Deciding on a job - or at least the field of work - is usually during secondary school, at age 12 or more.
However really start DOING something with one's life - that can be any time.
For me, I was 25, well-paid work, drinking a lot, not really enjoying it. Then decided, changed, and have been enjoying myself for forty years.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Hope123
Posted: Monday, July 24, 2017 7:05:02 PM

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First stage is to become independent financially but also in maturity. Some young adults still live in their parents' basement but are independent, paying their way and contributing to chores etc. Others who have lost their way don't do either and Mom and Dad are the enablers.The adult child never learns to be responsible for themselves. They don't make decisions and are not the ambitious types who MAKE things happen. The "doers" join clubs, get an education, volunteer, meet people etc. I figure by the mid twenties one should have the education you need and a job.

Finding what you want to do with your entire life may take longer. It often depends upon whether or not you meet someone to share it with. And you may end up changing careers later. Some people reinvent themselves after they officially retire and go on to have careers as artists, writers, or whatever.

Some people move a lot, others stay put. I would move to B.C. even now if my family were there instead of here.

There are online uni courses about how to make decisions. For big decisions I (and we now) always wrote down a list of pros and cons to try to make sense of it after we had all the facts we knew we could get. Some decisions you just have to make as you can't get all the facts and no one has a crystal ball.

Often as we look back and think we made a wrong decision we think only that it would have been better if we'd chosen the other option(s) and ignore that it could have turned out to be worse.

Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have. -James Baldwin, writer
almo 1
Posted: Monday, July 24, 2017 10:00:30 PM
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Location: Fussa, Tokyo, Japan




Fruitcake Lady would answer the question straightforwardly
if she were alive.




Fruitcake Lady




mactoria
Posted: Tuesday, July 25, 2017 12:51:44 AM
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Location: Stockton, California, United States
Nani_n: Legally, in the US 18 rs is considered 'adult.' He can vote, drive a car (many states allow drivers licenses at 16), sign a contract, get married without parental assent, join the military, etc. The only major thing an 18 yr old can't do in the US is purchase alcohol or marijuana. 18 is the typical age for a person to graduate from high school and to either move on to college/trade school, or to a regular fulltime job if further training/education is not needed or wanted.

Most US adults move out of their family home to either their own place or a college dorm somewhere from 18 to 22, depending on things like finances and culture (some Americans with strong ethnic attachments to family leave home later than those who are more "Americanized").

However, in the decade following the Great Recession of 2007-08, many American youth have delayed going out on their own to be independent due to either lack of jobs or the crush of huge college loans. The lack of well-paying jobs (or any jobs for some) and/or the burden of tens of thousands of dollars of college loans has changed the normal pattern of independence of some American young adults from about 18/22 to well into their later 20s or even 30s. Also though job availability has improved in the past few years, the cost of housing has begun to skyrocket, making renting or buying tough for anyone without a high paying job in many areas of the country, meaning they must accumulate enough to afford an independent place and lifestyle before leaving the family home for good.

It's still typical for the majority of American young people to go out on their own (get a job/career, get their own housing, pay all of their bills, etc) by 20-22, it's just that that majority is smaller than it was before the Great Recession. And there always have been and always will be people who have difficulties in figuring out what they want to do with their lives so they either don't leave the family home or they leave but flail from job to job, house to house, without really finding their life's direction. There are a multitude of reasons that this happens: spoiled by their parents so they don't know how to do it; supported by wealthy parents to the extent they don't learn how to be independent; some people just seem to be born dreamers instead of doers; some are traumatized so that life and independence scares them; and many other reasons involving finances, motivation, emotional difficulties.

Like Romany, I suspect American youth are similar to the rest of the world's youth: there's a normal pattern of development (and independence), but there are always outliers who don't follow the pattern.
nani_n
Posted: Tuesday, July 25, 2017 2:36:34 AM
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Joined: 6/3/2016
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Neurons: 235
Thank you for sharing everyone.

I was so sad because I taught that these people are just in my country, now I understand that in every places you can find some. maybe you can find in some countries more.

Reasons which mactoria told us is tangible for me because I can see some of them in my colleagues.

I am afraid that these people can't find their ways until dead and unfortunately I can't do anything for them. I will tell them online courses which Hope123 introduced, maybe they find their ways but I think they will mad at me. So I will use it myself :)

In my country, girls and boys stay with their parents until marriage. Although, they work and have semi financial independence, they live with them and I think this a big reason that they act like this.

I love below sentence. Thank you Romany

yes, some of us go through our whole lives waiting for something to happen, but not taking any steps to *make* anything happen.


almo 1
Posted: Tuesday, July 25, 2017 3:09:06 AM
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Joined: 10/16/2016
Posts: 684
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Location: Fussa, Tokyo, Japan



nani_n wrote:

In my country, girls and boys stay with their parents until marriage.




*****************



I'm curious to know what country it is.





Romany
Posted: Tuesday, July 25, 2017 3:31:22 PM
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Joined: 6/14/2009
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Location: Brighton, England, United Kingdom
Nani - I'm glad something that was said here actually 'spoke' to you. We throw lots of words out of our mouths every day, but we never know where they're going to land, do we?
Hope123
Posted: Tuesday, July 25, 2017 4:37:26 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
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Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Nani, here's a link to a course just starting now through Edx. Coursera is another organization to google. I also took some courses through NovoEd. Yale has open courses as do many other universities and colleges.


https://www.edx.org/course/creative-problem-solving-decision-making-delftx-tpm1x-1?utm_source=sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter_student_active_20170725_testA_P

Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have. -James Baldwin, writer
nani_n
Posted: Wednesday, July 26, 2017 5:05:25 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 6/3/2016
Posts: 42
Neurons: 235
Hope123 wrote:
Nani, here's a link to a course just starting now through Edx. Coursera is another organization to google. I also took some courses through NovoEd. Yale has open courses as do many other universities and colleges.

https://www.edx.org/course/creative-problem-solving-decision-making-delftx-tpm1x-1?utm_source=sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter_student_active_20170725_testA_P


Thank you Hope123. One of the wishes that I have in my wishlist is to get PHD position in delft university.:)
nani_n
Posted: Wednesday, July 26, 2017 5:11:20 AM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 6/3/2016
Posts: 42
Neurons: 235
almo 1 wrote:


I'm curious to know what country it is.


almo 1, my country is Iran.
almo 1
Posted: Wednesday, July 26, 2017 6:39:20 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 10/16/2016
Posts: 684
Neurons: 3,032
Location: Fussa, Tokyo, Japan
nani_n wrote:
almo 1 wrote:


I'm curious to know what country it is.


almo 1, my country is Iran.



********************


Thank you for letting me know.


Do you know Yu Darvish?








TheParser
Posted: Wednesday, July 26, 2017 8:58:51 AM
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/21/2012
Posts: 4,348
Neurons: 20,413
The O.P. asks at what age do Americans, for example, become aware of Fate's purpose for their lives.

I cannot, of course, answer the question.

I have, however, found some quotations that seem to be apposite.



1. "Life has its own way of guiding you down certain paths."

-- ?

2. "A man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills."

-- Schopenhauer, philosopher.

3. "You can't script someone else's life, let alone your own."

-- Harold Evans, journalist.

4. "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

-- John Lennon, musician.

5. "Nothing could have been otherwise and life is a terrible thing."

-- Oscar Wilde, author and martyr.

6. "It's one of those things fate sometimes arranges."

-- Abderrahim Foukara

7. "A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."

-- Jean de La Fontaine
nani_n
Posted: Friday, July 28, 2017 11:19:23 PM
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 6/3/2016
Posts: 42
Neurons: 235
almo 1: unfortunately I didn't but I googled.

Thank you everyone for creating helpful post:)
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