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Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, April 05, 2017 9:21:55 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Hope wrote: "Tonight at 10 pm."

Q - Are you sure the end of the world is nigh?

A - Nostradamus.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
anton exobio
Posted: Thursday, April 06, 2017 5:27:38 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 14,997
Neurons: 42,158
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
Q- Who told you I would give you £100 today?


A- He's become a caricature of himself.
Hope123
Posted: Friday, April 07, 2017 12:26:24 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 6,736
Neurons: 39,299
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Why is she getting a divorce?

We're in for it now!

Equality is when you see a person - not a label.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Sunday, April 09, 2017 6:37:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom
Q - Places in the annual nude ice-water swimming marathon are going fast - are you putting your names down for it?

A - 'Arold, with eye full of arrow, on 'is 'orse, with 'is 'awk in 'is 'and.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Hope123
Posted: Sunday, April 09, 2017 7:26:27 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 6,736
Neurons: 39,299
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
How did Arnold go hunting? Who is Arnold?

They are cheering him on the eighteenth.

Equality is when you see a person - not a label.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, April 12, 2017 10:05:27 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Did Stan win that election on the seventeenth of March?

A - It's all to do with democracy.

"'Arold, with eye full of arrow, on 'is 'orse, with 'is 'awk in 'is 'and" is King Harold at Senlac Ridge near Hastings in 1066.

Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Kunstniete
Posted: Wednesday, April 12, 2017 10:10:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - Why do we have to elect a new president?

A - On the Golden Gate Bridge.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, April 13, 2017 12:51:53 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - I heard you were playing chicken last night - where was that?

A - Chicken Itza pyramid.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Hope123
Posted: Thursday, April 13, 2017 10:57:55 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 6,736
Neurons: 39,299
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
What's on the new lunch menu at MacDonalds? Whistle

1066 is the only date in British history that I know!

Equality is when you see a person - not a label.
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, April 14, 2017 4:25:01 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 14,997
Neurons: 42,158
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
Q- Why did you answer "1066" each time you were asked about a year in that questionnaire about "The United Kingdom In The 20th Century?


A- They don't reason in these terms.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Friday, April 14, 2017 5:35:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Do the management have a binomial algorithm and quadratic function to estimate their future profits?

A - Just a rule of thumb.


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Hope123
Posted: Sunday, April 23, 2017 6:20:57 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 6,736
Neurons: 39,299
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
What ruler did the construction boss use that got him fired?

He missed that ball by a mile.



Equality is when you see a person - not a label.
Kunstniete
Posted: Monday, April 24, 2017 1:40:42 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - Did he ran in the right direction to win the game?

A - Dead as a dodo.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
Hope123
Posted: Monday, April 24, 2017 8:17:54 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 6,736
Neurons: 39,299
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
No pulse?

I heard raised voices.

Equality is when you see a person - not a label.
Kunstniete
Posted: Tuesday, April 25, 2017 6:17:10 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - What did you tell your psychiatrist about your holidays?

A - On the left side of the street.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
Hope123
Posted: Tuesday, April 25, 2017 5:01:12 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 6,736
Neurons: 39,299
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
When you get past that corner, where is that fabulous pub?

They are cleaning the windows this week.

Equality is when you see a person - not a label.
Kunstniete
Posted: Wednesday, April 26, 2017 5:54:36 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - What are your parents doing about the messy house?

A - The Loch Ness monster.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Wednesday, April 26, 2017 6:52:22 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - I hear you went visiting relatives last week; who did you see?

A - A Dalesman's litany


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Hope123
Posted: Thursday, June 22, 2017 9:06:02 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 3/23/2015
Posts: 6,736
Neurons: 39,299
Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Are you into Folks Songs, Drago?

I heard the door open.

Equality is when you see a person - not a label.
Kunstniete
Posted: Friday, June 23, 2017 2:14:47 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - What was the most frightening experience you ever had?

A - Next to nothing.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, June 23, 2017 11:26:03 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 14,997
Neurons: 42,158
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
Q- Where was everything the last time you embraced it?


A- Bluish yellow.
Kunstniete
Posted: Monday, June 26, 2017 4:14:40 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - What color had the strawberries you bought yesterday?

A - A sandcastle.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
IMcRout
Posted: Monday, June 26, 2017 8:47:41 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 33,735
Neurons: 467,827
Location: Lübeck, Schleswig-Holstein, Germany
Q: Say again, what did your wife promise you for next Christmas?


A: They had to dig down fifty metres to find one.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. (Anon)
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Thursday, June 29, 2017 9:00:53 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - Did you really go truffle-hunting with your pet pigs?

A - I called my puppy "Porkie".


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Kunstniete
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 3:19:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - Since you were unsure if you should either eat or train this little thing, what did you call it?

A - A previously unknown island, where dodos were still alive.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
anton exobio
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 5:43:22 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 14,997
Neurons: 42,158
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
Q- What is that mysterious location where you think one of your "past lives" lived?


A- It looks like a wooden table in the middle of an English meadow.
FounDit
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 8:05:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 8,158
Neurons: 43,559
Q:...What do you think of this mole in the center of my forehead?


A:...It began as a tiny thing, but it grew and grew and...

A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Monday, July 03, 2017 6:08:08 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - How you doing with the new pet your ex-girlfriend got you last Christmas?

A - It takes a bit of feeding!


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
Kunstniete
Posted: Friday, July 07, 2017 1:53:04 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - What do you think about this 150 pounds 7-year-old?

A - Last November's ladybeetle invasion.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
Drag0nspeaker
Posted: Friday, July 07, 2017 11:28:41 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/12/2011
Posts: 26,710
Neurons: 144,725
Location: Livingston, Scotland, United Kingdom

Q - What's that photo? It looks like a Sci-Fi film still.

A - It's the thing in itself (das Ding an sich).


Wyrd bið ful aræd - bull!
FounDit
Posted: Friday, July 07, 2017 11:33:11 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 8,158
Neurons: 43,559
Q:...Is that like a Russian nesting doll?



A:...Once lubricated, it slips right in.

A great many people will think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~ William James ~
Articulate Dreamer
Posted: Monday, July 10, 2017 1:53:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 9/16/2009
Posts: 11,760
Neurons: 79,201
Location: Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Q: How do you get the toe ring on ?


A: Uncle, my foot!

"...hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour"
anton exobio
Posted: Monday, July 10, 2017 2:45:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 14,997
Neurons: 42,158
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
Q: Don't you recognize our beloved uncle Jennifer?


A: You have a sharp tongue!
Kunstniete
Posted: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 3:38:31 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 1/25/2017
Posts: 1,121
Neurons: 146,207
Location: Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Q - What do you like most about me?

A - I know what you did last summer.

The value of choice is not in the size of the action but in its effect.
anton exobio
Posted: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 7:08:42 AM

Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 4/10/2014
Posts: 14,997
Neurons: 42,158
Location: Le Mans, Pays de la Loire, France
Q- Why do you tell everyone I buried dad's corpse in the backyard?


A- Your grandmother and you look like twins.
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